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#188054 - 10/20/07 02:13 PM Re: Masturbation and Spirituality [Re: Paul1959]
Woundedheart Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/11/07
Posts: 31
Loc: K.C. MO.
For me, masturbation is an expression of my self-centeredness. My searching to fill a hole in my soul that only God can fill. It never leaves me satistified, it's never enough. It steals an opportunity for my wife to serve, if she so chooses and I chose to share my felt need.

Richard.


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#188058 - 10/20/07 02:21 PM Re: Masturbation and Spirituality [Re: Woundedheart]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11021
Loc: Denver, CO
WH,

I hear you about the wife scenario. The trouble with some of the men on this site, and in other walks of life, is that finding and desiring a woman to marry seems like such a far stretch of imagination. What does that leave, other than "burning with passion?"

Andy

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List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#188061 - 10/20/07 02:39 PM Re: Masturbation and Spirituality [Re: FormerTexan]
Woundedheart Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/11/07
Posts: 31
Loc: K.C. MO.
Andy,

I wish I had the answers. I know that I've used marriage as a hiding place from my abuse. Maybe that's why I'm on the fourth one. It's a bad deal anywhere you are.

Richard.


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#188066 - 10/20/07 03:12 PM Re: Masturbation and Spirituality [Re: Woundedheart]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
I wholly respect people's faith, but for posterity, just from a mental health standpoint -- masturbation is rather definitively considered a healthy activity and an important part of one's sexuality and ability to self-love.


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#190633 - 11/09/07 05:01 PM Re: Masturbation and Spirituality [Re: testingWaters]
thesun3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 49
Masturbation can blind one to the reality of relating to others
IF it is used to get over loneliness, despair, fear of rejection, or boredom. I was seduced by my abusers with masturbation and pornography. I believe there is a healthy expression of masturbation, but its kida tough when its linked to my abuse. I'm working on it though. I don't think Masturbation is sinful, but it can become disordered.

_________________________
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
Camus

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#191122 - 11/12/07 09:54 AM Re: Masturbation and Spirituality [Re: dgoods]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 112
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
I am curious. Do you think their is such a thing as Big M and little M? For me, the issue is not Masturbation... the issue is Lust. For me lust has to do with sexualizing another person in a manner that undressed them... maybe even have sex with that perosn in my mind. I have heard the phrase sexual cannabilism used before... and I think that is a good way to describe it. There is a different between noticing someone attractive and making the observation that the person is attractive and lusting after that person. If I take it further than observing a persons beauty, I am probably violating that persons boundaries by sexualizing that person.

I believe there can be such a thing as healthy masturbation. I believe this is where my Christianity has fucked me up in the past. It is healthy for me to explore my body in an unshaming way... especially as I work through sexual trauma, for example. Healthy masturbation CAN BE a very healthy, healing thing for a lot of men (and women). Hear me correctly, this is a lot different thatn compulsive masturbation that is loaded with lust that unhealthy thoughts and images.

What is really sad for me to see are guys, especially single guys with no outlet other than masturbation, who go for extended periods and then engage in "shameful masturbation" (as defined by religion) and then spend the next few weeks in "shameful confession" and "shameful repentence." Why is there sooooo MUCH shame attached? Well, it has to do with what we have been taught by religion.

And I really believe this type of teaching is not conducive to shame-free recovery. I have received too much shame from my perpetrator. I refuse to receive any additional shame from religion. Which is what I have to have.

What we are talking about her guys is healthy sexuality.

on a lighter, more humourous note:
LOL.... when I was 15/16 years, I was riding in a car-load of teen-agers, my mother at the wheel of the car and another parent in the front seat. They were talking about how wonderful the youth pastor's lesson on masturbation was the the youth ralley we were returning from. A comment was made about what a great job he did at explaining the concept of masturbation is sin. It pissed me off! I screamed at the top of my lungs, in front of the other parent, in front of the other teen-agers in the car.... MASTURBATION IS NOT SIN! It got very quiet in the car. The topic of masturbation was never brought up by my mother or father ever again.

I guess I knew the truth.. even then. Lust is the problem for me.. not masturbation. Lust takes from me and takes from others. Masturbation can actually be a very nurturing, healthy thing. But, I am sure there are those who will disagree... and that's okay.

Peace.
From Shame unto Grace.



Edited by River (11/12/07 10:10 AM)
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#191131 - 11/12/07 10:39 AM Re: Masturbation and Spirituality [Re: River]
thesun3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 49
Hello River:
Masturbation wasn't a big deal until our 7th grade teacher (I attended a private chirstian school) gave us a lecture about masturbation and sin. Masturbation was never the same since. Before the lecture masturbation was something I did in private, after the lecture, I had a captivated audience when I masturbated: God above, my guardian angel in the closet, and the devil under my bed. Shame and guilt were intensified 100%.

_________________________
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
Camus

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#191144 - 11/12/07 01:44 PM Re: Masturbation and Spirituality [Re: thesun3]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 112
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
That is the kind of stuff that can really affect us as adults. Totally relate.

_________________________
GD

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#191210 - 11/12/07 08:07 PM Re: Masturbation and Spirituality [Re: River]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Hi all. I forgot about this thread. I thought I would share with you that I'm in the middle of uncharted territory. I have purposefully forgone Ming at all since mid-September, and for one reason only, that being that I can't M without having "unhealthy" or harmful thoughts as I do it.

I've never done this before. I'm in my 7th week without any kind of sex whatsoever. Yes, I'm a little charged up, but I noticed that I reached a plateau of my sexually charged state in the later part of the second week. It's not getting any worse. At least I can walk around among my co-workers, friends, and family and know that I'm not Ming while thinking of things that would bring condemnation upon me if they knew what I was thinking of. But that's not the only reason, I'm trying anything I can to like myself, and if this is one of those things that will help, then I'll do without it.

I gotta tell you though, this is totally new for me. Have any of you guys purposefully went without Ming for the same reasons? Just curious.


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#191216 - 11/12/07 08:27 PM Re: Masturbation and Spirituality [Re: Hauser]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 112
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
Yes, I have gone for extended periods without masturbation and sexual intercourse with my wife, of course, with her agreement and understanding. What I experienced was a period of "withdrawal" in which by physiological mechanism adjusted and balanced out. I experienced my first nocturnal emission as an adult during this period of my sexual healing. It also afforded some awesome non-sexual intimacy with my wife, which played a role in increased intimacy and an improved sex life once the period of abstinence ended (LOL, we need to do this again!). But, I believe the overall benefit was coming to an understanding of sex truly being optional in my life. In other words, it is not something I have to have. It shifted it from a "have to" to a really being "icing on the cake" as we experience intimacy in our relationship. There is probably more that I cannot think of... I will add it to the thread if I remember some more.

Peace

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