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#184916 - 10/05/07 02:23 PM Re: How do you let the people in your life know... [Re: Danbuff]
peacefulhealing Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/20/04
Posts: 9
When my lover holds me, I recognize that arousal can happen. Sometimes we make an agreement before hand, most importantly I'm clear with myself, and my own feelings. My lover and I have been there, we know each other's touch arouses us. If he holds me with the intention just to hold me, sexual feelings may still come up, and that's okay. Touch is like that. It is sense-ual. Even with a therapist (I don't recommend being held by a therapist) there will be sexual feelings. There seems to be the idea with us survivors, or at least myself, that sexual feelings aren't okay...that there needs to be a separation between True Love and Sex. That being held, even by a perpetrator can arose feelings of desire, of warmth, and sexuality. It's okay. Feelings come and go. It is the pattern of not being aware. If the hands moves to the crotch or anywhere else...then you can stop and say...I just want to be held right now...even if it is your own hand making the move. Trust yourself, develop that trust.


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#184967 - 10/05/07 04:58 PM Re: How do you let the people in your life know... [Re: peacefulhealing]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
I like your answers, guys! Know yourself - is a must! Touch, being held were triggers that brought immediate thoughts of sexual action for me...progression to full blown sex! I had to learn to read my body and listen to what it told me...that the touch brought up old emotions that were uncomfortable. To cover these uncomfortable feelings, I would move to "good, pleasureable sexual feelings". Not what I really wanted at THAT time! I needed to know myself...establish open, honest communications with my partner...to get what I needed! I find that communications with myself, then with others is the basis of my feeling good and okay about the actions taking place (hugging or touching).

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#187826 - 10/18/07 04:39 PM Re: How do you let the people in your life know... [Re: Arjay369]
carlosmichael Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/18/07
Posts: 1
Loc: Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA
Gentlemen,

No man is ever alone as long as he has friends. My door is always open and my light, always on.

Just knock and I'll let you in.

You're not alone. I would be honored to share a friendship with any of you who need a good friend; someone you can talk with.

Hugs,
Carlos Michael

_________________________
Carlos Michael Padilla

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#187908 - 10/19/07 07:29 AM Re: How do you let the people in your life know... [Re: carlosmichael]
Nate Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 94
Loc: Philadelphia, PA
yeah i wanna just be held sometimes 2- but i'd never let some1 that close.

_________________________
"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

- Corita Kent

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#188005 - 10/20/07 12:31 AM Re: How do you let the people in your life know... [Re: Nate]
Gtrudeljr Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/20/07
Posts: 2
Well I also just want to be held sometimes, my partner and I have discussed this and he allows me to tell him what I want. I asked him to not try and understand how I feel but to love the me that I am. It is not easy but constant communication is the only way I have to help him help me. Furthermore should he become aroused he does not act on it until I do. He allows me to control the situation.
I was able to control most of my triggers by identifying them and accepting them as mine. Bt accepting them I mean accepting them as a reaction and telling myself it is OK for me to have them. I relize that I have had several years of therapy to be able to do this but there is nothing wrong with a reaction and how you feel.
I have consistently preached to my family and friends that
Your feelings are never wrong
They are yours
They may be misguided sometimes
but they are yours
how you feel is what is important

Peace and joy to all here.


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