The forgiveness thread appears from time to time, so I thought I'd just seek a balance of opinions!

Some people seem to think that we cannot achieve an acceptable life balance if we don't forgive the paedophiles that groomed/abused/attacked us.

If you can think of any reason why you would forgive a paedophile, please add your reasons here. I'll start you off - please keep continuity of numbers.

1/ We were the same age and experimenting - there was no imbalance of power. (PS this was not my scenario, but it was the only one I could think of).

Best wishes ...Rik

2) Forgiving them removes their power over me

I'm sorry for breaking the thread, but I will never forgive the pedophile who destroyed my life, left me nearly mute, and gave me nightmares each night of aborted fetuses and amputated limbs for ten years. Some people should be dead, add nothing positive to the world, contribute only pain and suffering.

I don't mean to upset anyone. But I certainly have a right not to forgive. Sometimes hatred IS the most appropriate sentiment.

First of all, Rick...I don't think forgiveness is as important as a desire to forgive.

But to add to the list:

3) Forgiving them actually helps me feel better about myself...something with which I struggle

I won't be forgiving mine. I wouldn't forgive any pedo - not a one. That recent one they just caught in Thailand? Look at him - I won't be forgiving him any time soon. Why should the ones that abused me get special consideration? Just because it was me? Was I somehow different from any other kid? I don't think so. Anyone who could do that to a child - any child - is not worth the amount of respect I would need to have for him or her in order to forgive them. I am not a "special" case.

Because realizing one has the choice to forgive, or not to forgive, allows him to be a whole person who gets to make his own decisions. And because neither forgiving or not forgiving is the "right" choice, the higher ground, the better thing to do.

Because we are taught again and again and again in our culture (most of us here being Western) that forgiveness is *good*. And if we react against that simplistic message by not forgiving, maybe we are not really thinking or speaking for ourselves.

How can we really choose for ourselves until we get to a place where we recognize that forgiveness is neither good or bad necessarily?

two cents, tw

4. Opens the door which leads to the Freedom to Love, again.

Richard.

I can not think of any reason to forgive a child molester .

At this point, I don't know if there is any reason to forgive them. But thats just me.

5. Unplugs the anger machine

I would say that forgiving a paedophile without that prep feeling remorse is basically selfish and wrong. Most paedophiles molest numerous children. I went forward to the police so I could stop the person form molesting more and more children. If I were to forgive him (without him being remorseful) I would be thinking of myself only. I turned this individual in because it was the right thing to do as a responsible adult. I personally think that every responsible person should turn their prep in. If not, how can we expect others to do it for us. In my case I was one victim out of more than 1000 victims. If he gets out of jail he will molest again I am certain of this. He is hurting little children and hurting the society as a whole. He doesn’t care and therefor how can he possibly be forgiven? We are not the only ones that these paedophiles are hurting. Please don’t forgive someone who hurts so many people and doesn’t give a damn.

6) Maybe you were abused yourself.
7) I am a better person than you.
8) You have had a hold on my life far too long.
9) I have moved on.
10) Your not worth anything to me, especially the time and energy for not forgiving you.
11) My faith requires that from me.

They don't deserve to be forgiven. They have no right to hurt kids. I think talking about it (csa) helps take the Power that is has against you is great.
Look at Michael Devlin Would you forgive him?

Because *I* wanted to. Because it is what I needed to do to remain true to who I am as a person. Because it is *MY* choice now, and of *MY* power now.

Andrei

I would suppose, 'Because I can'. Haven't done it, and don't know I ever will. But as others have said, it is within MY power now.

Leosha

Who gets the power out of forgiveness, isn't it really just saying you have no more power over me and you're so small a person you don't matter anymore. It's not like the forgiveness is for them, most of the time they don't even know they've been forgiven in the first place. I see it as just taking back some power. Still, it easier to think of it as acceptance

Stay strong
Mike

Andrei, that is so beautifully stated.

Because *I* say so, not because anyone deserves it, or because I accept anything about them or the abuse - but because it is *MY* choice - an exercise of *MY* power and authority over my own life.

Thanx.
M