Newest Members
susanhepp, Breathe, georgetwo, frozen45, lilac
12291 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Guillermo (37), illbedat (26), Mike58 (56), Mnovit (38), Mongo (24), pwdasw (64), Raymond Sean (38), yesac76 (38)
Who's Online
6 registered (Obi, 86, WriterKeith, YYZGIRL, 2 invisible), 25 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12291 Members
73 Forums
63236 Topics
442193 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#187987 - 10/19/07 10:44 PM Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
TRIGGER

The forgiveness thread appears from time to time, so I just thought I'd seek out a balance of opinions.

Some people think that we cannot achieve an acceptable life balance if we do not forgive the paedophile/s that groomed/abused/attacked us.

If you cannot forgive, please add your reasons here. I'll start you off - please try and keep continuity of numbers:

1/ You stole my childhood.
2/ You groomed and abused me during my formative years - how am I meant to know who I really am.
3/ You implied that everyone did what we were doing, but nobody ever talked about it.
4/ You pretended that you were like my Grandparents, but they never hurt me, you lied.
5/ You destroyed my ability to trust.
6/ You called me your shark, because it implied that I was something fantastic (I am, but you would never know).

I could sit here all night, but that would imply that I am bitter and twisted (at work, its cynical, but I call it realistic).

Best wishes ...Rik



Edited by RICK57 (10/20/07 12:00 AM)
_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#188000 - 10/19/07 11:54 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: RICK57]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Rik,

Can I request that you put a trigger warning on this thread?

Those six items you listed....for me, they are the things I have to work through in order to forgive my mother. There is a lot of pain involved with that, and seeing it spelled out on paper is quite a jolt.

Thanks for the post, though.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#188002 - 10/20/07 12:01 AM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: BJK]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Bryan - sorry. I've added the trigger warning! I'm just used to thinking that anything can trigger here.

Best wishes ..Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#188074 - 10/20/07 04:45 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: RICK57]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
7. You betrayed my friendship

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

Top
#188115 - 10/20/07 11:37 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: OKIE MIKE]
scotia1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/27/07
Posts: 81
8. Because they hurt the most innocent - Children


Top
#188118 - 10/20/07 11:47 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: scotia1]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
9. because i dont even remember your face.


Top
#188119 - 10/20/07 11:56 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: theatrekid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
10. because I now see I meant nothing to you.
11. because your orgasm was more important to you than my life and future.
12. because you knew I was defenseless and innocent.
13. because it wasn't asking too much to want a big brother.
14. because you mean nothing to me now.

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#188127 - 10/21/07 12:36 AM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: roadrunner]
saint-of-Lost-Causes Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 57
Loc: Michigan
Because you have destroyed my trust in people....

you have chosen that 10 seconds of physical pleasure pretty much balances out the lifetime of emotional and mental hangups you have given me!

You not only destroyed me...but my family and those I love as well!

_________________________
We accept the love we think we deserve!

Top
#188275 - 10/21/07 07:18 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: saint-of-Lost-Causes]
Marinan Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 329
For me there is no reason not to forgive, but that doesn't mean that I want anything for you.


Top
#188278 - 10/21/07 07:27 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: Marinan]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
18. Because its MY bloody CHOICE to forgive or not forgive them.
19. Because older boys are supposed to care about younger ones, not use them like meat.
20. Because YOU NEVER ASKED to be forgiven!!!!!!!!!

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

Top
#188284 - 10/21/07 08:30 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: Still]
buzz_key Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/07
Posts: 635
Loc: USA
21. Because you were my only parent and you were supposed to PROTECT me, NOT use me for sex.


Top
#188418 - 10/23/07 12:08 AM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: buzz_key]
Mike 999 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/09/06
Posts: 18
Loc: Midwest
22. Because you were in a position of authority and you took advantage of that, to have your way with little boys. And ruin there lives.

_________________________
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Benjamin Franklin

Knowing and not doing is equal to not knowing at all.



Top
#188420 - 10/23/07 12:36 AM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: Mike 999]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
23. Because you don't truly feel any remorse

24. Because your deeply twisted mind would simply turn it into justification for your evil deeds- "See? he turned out OK..."

25. Because it makes about as much sense to forgive a crippling disease as it would to forgive you

26. Because you might want me to. You get nothing more from me.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

Top
#188421 - 10/23/07 12:42 AM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: dgoods]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Originally Posted By: dgoods


26. Because you might want me to. You get nothing more from me.


But, if we are still acting 'because' of them, one way or other, they still are having control. The perpetrator should not really have impact on whether you forgive or not, or anything else in our lives.

Andrei


Top
#188442 - 10/23/07 06:29 AM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: ak]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: ak


But, if we are still acting 'because' of them, one way or other, they still are having control. The perpetrator should not really have impact on whether you forgive or not, or anything else in our lives.


Beautifully said, Andrei.

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#188468 - 10/23/07 02:05 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: BJK]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
You're right, of course- I'm just emotionally not there yet; i'm still trying to let myself be angry at my perp instead of myself. There's still plenty my head knows is true, but that my heart hasn't accepted yet. Bear w/ me good people, i'll get there someday...

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

Top
#188485 - 10/23/07 05:20 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: dgoods]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: dgoods
25. Because it makes about as much sense to forgive a crippling disease as it would to forgive you


WOW!!!!!!! THAT positions it all perfectly!!!!!!!!!!

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

Top
#188561 - 10/24/07 04:09 AM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: ak]
Mike 999 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/09/06
Posts: 18
Loc: Midwest
Originally Posted By: ak
[quote=dgoods]

26.

But, if we are still acting 'because' of them, one way or other, they still are having control. The perpetrator should not really have impact on whether you forgive or not, or anything else in our lives.

Andrei


You Hit the nail right on the head. It is amazing how much this was showing thru the first time I told the story about one of my perps to my T It was really amazing. I just wish I could turn the tear ducts back on because I know its ok to cry it just does not happen for me yet.

_________________________
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Benjamin Franklin

Knowing and not doing is equal to not knowing at all.



Top
#188597 - 10/24/07 09:21 AM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: BJK]
Power_water Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/14/07
Posts: 45
Loc: Portland, OR, USA
27 You made me associate my 'male member' with a bannana and Lollipops
28 You took advantage of your religious position and poisoned a representation of God's power on earth
29 You raped me and took away my virginity in childhood
30 You beat me senseless probably drugged me, gang rapped me and then just left. and Now I don't even know who you are.
31 Because you made me like it
32 Becuase I haven't found out or remembered everything you did to me yet, and it's impossible to forgive someone for something you don't know they did to you!

_________________________
Bring works of darkness to light

Top
#188605 - 10/24/07 10:34 AM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: Power_water]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
33 You told me what I did was good

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

Top
#188634 - 10/24/07 02:08 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: cbfull]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
34. You took advantage of your posison and military rank
35. You destroyed my life and did not give a shit

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

Top
#253979 - 10/09/08 04:57 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: OKIE MIKE]
sunwolf Offline


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 225
Loc: Indiana
36.because you hit me, rape me and laughed at my tears


Top
#253981 - 10/09/08 05:04 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: sunwolf]
oriolesguy Offline


Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 106
Loc: Long Island, NY
37. Because you raped the shit out of me, used me emotionally, physically and mentally, and then threw me to the curb.


Top
#253982 - 10/09/08 05:08 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: oriolesguy]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
38- because you made me what are - less than a human being and only the truly human are willing and able to forgive.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

Top
#253984 - 10/09/08 05:08 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: oriolesguy]
sunwolf Offline


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 225
Loc: Indiana
38. because its hard to forget....


Top
#254001 - 10/09/08 06:13 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: roadrunner]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Originally Posted By: roadrunner
13. because it wasn't asking too much to want a big brother.

My thinking on so many things has changed, but this one still REALLY hurts.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#254025 - 10/09/08 08:05 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a paedo [Re: roadrunner]
lungfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
39. because you filled me with anger 40. because you made me question my sanity 41. because you made me scared to to go to sleep 42. because you made me scared

_________________________
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

Top
#254028 - 10/09/08 08:30 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: lungfish]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
43. because of you I lost everything I loved, including me, but no longer.
44. because I had to spend every second of every day trying to keep a secret instead of being a boy, but never again.
45. because you cost me decades of my life, but not a single minute more.
46. because you almost cost me the future my potential would lead me to, but I'm taking that back now too.


Top
#254030 - 10/09/08 09:04 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: M3]
lungfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
47. Because as a child I thought sex was wrong, bad and something you took.

_________________________
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

Top
#254031 - 10/09/08 09:10 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: M3]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
48. Because I feel powerful in my hatred.


_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


Top
#254098 - 10/10/08 02:54 AM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: RICK57]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home

Few decades down the line, I know forgiveness is a journey, and a bridge, we cross over, whenever we are ready and want to move into a better life!





_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

Top
#254134 - 10/10/08 10:23 AM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: ineffable]
Davesc Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 67
Loc: NJ
49 Because you taught me ,If I liked another guy I should have sex with him to be close.

_________________________
Davesc
_______________________________________
Thankful Wor Kirkridge Alumni Oct 2008

Top
#254211 - 10/10/08 06:10 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: ineffable]
oriolesguy Offline


Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 106
Loc: Long Island, NY
49. YOU want forgiveness? How can you expect it when I haven't even forgiven myself yet?!!


Top
#254415 - 10/11/08 01:15 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: oriolesguy]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
I was kind of hesitant to say anything, but I think this thread should have been better called:

"Absolve: 1001 Reasons Not to Absolve an Abuser"

They don't want to be forgiven, they want to be absolved:

Originally Posted By: http://www.m-w.com

absolve
1: to set free from an obligation or the consequences of guilt
2: to remit (a sin) by absolution


Forgiving is something we do for us, to no longer give our time and energy to the abuser, but to take it back and let go.

Absolving is for the abuser, to set them free of their obligations, their guilt and shame, for what they did.

I have forgiven my abusers for me because I want to heal and no longer be angry. I want to live a positive life.

I will NEVER absolve my abusers. NEVER. That is for them to seek from whom ever they feel can provide that for them. Their God, their loved ones, the judge, but they shall NEVER get this from me.

May we all find forgiveness so we can move on with our lives and no longer waste one second on our abusers. May our abusers feel the weight of their guilt and shame multiply day by day as they forever seek to be absolved but to no avail.

Peace and love my brothers...

Michael


Top
#254425 - 10/11/08 02:01 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: M3]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6819
Loc: USA
Good point Michael

Allen

puffer


Top
#254469 - 10/11/08 09:17 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: pufferfish]
deck Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/06
Posts: 109
Loc: Indiana
50.) Because you told me that I'd never be a man and laughed about it.
51.) Because I've never felt like a man.


Top
#254494 - 10/11/08 10:26 PM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: deck]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
I'm amazed. It's not that often that I visit this site now (because I am recovering - this site got me there), but I had this feeling tonight that I must. I started this post around 1 year ago. It's been picked up all most a year later. Strange isn't it?

Just this week in England we had 'a dead paedophile' discovered in the woods! He'd previously abused several girls (3 confirmed) from age 13 downwards. He got 6 years in jail for that. He was recently released from 'his sentence' after about 3.5 years. Seems like somebody didn't like the parole terms and came up with another deal.

Somebody didn't want to forgive!

Best wishes! Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

Top
#254556 - 10/12/08 09:16 AM Re: Forgiveness - 1001 reasons not to forgive a pa [Re: RICK57]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
(inspired by the above post)
Were there any other occurances that could be "hung" on him after his release?

52. Because I want to gloat over your vigilante murder.

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


Top
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.