Here's where it's weird for me-
My first abuser OBVIOUSLY was "passing it on"- an 11 YO girl could not in my estimation have made a conscious choice to abuse me. I still am not completely sure if it was her stepfather, or her cousin. At the time, she complained about her stepfather constantly (nothing specific, just didn't like him). But her 16 YO male cousin was the weird one. I still have mixed feelings to this day about that. That first abuse, being both sexual and physical, set me up for much down the road, including the abuser whom I hold COMPLETELY responsible. He was an adult (at least 40 YO), I was a child (12 YO), therefore a conscious choice.
I "accept" what happened to me as having happened, and I forgave Wendy long ago...but my oh-so-nice buddy Renard? He was a pathetic sight even then, obviously not a man-about-town, i pity him... but for now i CANNOT forgive him. Christ or Christ-like i am not, no can do. A-hole made a choice, compulsion or not. (end of rant)

Bryan,

You say "Forgiveness is never something that a person can just cognitively do. It is a process that has to be worked through"
For me this is so true.

I just happened out of the blue one day, I guess I was ready internally.

-Jim

John may I hijack this thread? Ok Bryan maybe you caught me with a little white lie, so let me re-phrase the statement. I sympathize with my abusers. But doesn't that automatically mean that I forgive them? Cuz that's what I feel like.

Hell I don't know.....................

I don't know what the heck you're talking about John, I fold up like a cheap lawn chair just trying to fill out a resume for a potential employer.

sounds like your worried about how they'll feel Haus. I spent too much time giving away myself to please other's, felt like my life depended on it.

Being numb about it isn't forgiveness.

Guessing Hauser.

Stay strong
Mike

Well...I sympathize with my mother. I used to think that meant I forgave her. My sister is the one who cautioned me not to be so quick to think that I forgive my mother. The anger all kind of came crashing down one night, and it really hasn't passed.

I'm with a lot of people in this thread when they say that they will never forgive their abusers, but my belief about it is a little bit different. I don't THINK I'll ever be able to forgive my mother, but to me forgiveness is a selfish act. To me, forgiveness is about saying to my abuser, "I know what you did to me was wrong, but I'm not letting it control my life anymore."

It is truly my belief that healing isn't completely possible without forgiveness.

However, I must note that the things that a lot of people have endured on this board are beyond my rhealm of capacity to forgive. I urge everyone to at least try, though. I'm trying my hardest to forgive my mother. Obviously, I'm not there yet, and there are many days that I simply do not want to.

Bryan

Just wanted to let you know, Bryan:
By even being able to post that, you are a hero to me.
Most people I know don't even begin to be that strong...

...at least you can get to the company's front door and can talk to the receptionist

Sorry, but the best I can do is raise a sarcastic laugh when I hear this one now in the way it is portrayed. A preacher/priest telling us to forgive - how many paedophile priests were protected by the church (of any de>

"put into the vote"?
ok - i'm confused