thx ptsdwife, but... unfortunately she (ex-fiancee)had taken a big chance in the 1st place; we met thru AA, moved in together a year later. Our sex life quickly faded to nothing, she started sleeping on couch to watch her baby grandson, ended up staying there. We quickly became like two ships passing in the night- i drifted away from meetings, claiming "too tired" from 12-hr days, but i broke her heart by starting to smoke pot behind her back, and even stole some of her anti-anxiety meds. She caught me at this, even gave me another chance; i "yessed" her to death, then promptly started smoking again 2 weeks later. She finally told me, "I don't hate you, but i can't do this anymore."
This poor woman had been through one abusive parasite after another b4 me- i did at least help her to stand up 4 herself, to be able to say "no" to someone, that was how we got together in the 1st place. I still love her, and she probably still loves me, but looking back now i'm thinking it was textbook co-dependency. If i was a 3rd person outside of of the situation, i would tell her getting back together was a bad idea, not healthy. I guess when i "push away", i drive a bulldozer :rolleyes:
Thank you again, though- any support is gratefully appreciated!
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.
-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III