I am really struggling. I still do self-destructive things - only in my mind. I have not cut myself or acted out in well over 200+ days...but I still think about it. When I get scared or frustrated, or angry I still think about it! It brings me no peace but I still think about it!! My soul is so tortured about what I have done to myself - but my mind continues to reach for the poison!!!

All I want to do is to be alone - maybe that way I would not be such a treat to myself.

kelly,

I know the feeling, all too well. It's good that you have not acted on these feelings but I can tell you that your stress and your guilt are merely feeding the fire to drive to to act on these impulses.

What has been effective for me is to find a good friend and hash out whats going on in my head. Sometimes that will alleviate the pressure enough to stop the thoughts. Other times, it's just as your signature says -- breathe. I learned at Alta to take a few deep breaths to get grounded, and really think about your breathing. Instead of breathing involuntarily, breathe voluntarily. See if that brings you back to earth.

I don't know when these types of thoughts will subside. I do know that I have a full range of self destructive thoughts on a daily basis. They can be very difficult to deal with at times.

All the best,
~Brian

Brian -

Thank you for taking the time to respond and to reassure me that I am not alone with my struggles.

My Peace I give you.

Kelly,

Have you thought about undertaking a new hobby. Is there anything you have ever wanted to do and for what ever reason never did or finished. I have found that if I keep my mind busy sometimes it helps. I took up flying RC planes and when I'm doing that there is no time for me to think about other things my focus stays on the plane and the controls. Somehow I start to deal with things in the back of my mind if that makes any sense.

Take care

brokensoul