ok before i post this i want to make it clear that i am NOT some pot head kid.

however over the summer i tried pot several times and once a few weeks ago.

I really enjoyed it i was able to relax a little bit more than usual i didnt flinch when people touched me, i was calm, i just felt good.

I know its not a good idea to use drugs to try and fix our problems and im not. but is it wrong for me to do it so long as im not using it as a cure for my problems?

the reason i ask is because i told a friend who i am very close to but she is very conservative in her beliefs and she flipped out she was really disappointed in me. i didnt see it as being that big of a deal and was planning on doing it again. now im not sure. how serious is it?

again i want to stress that i know its side effects i have heard all the statistics about it so i know its not healthy.

I also understand the legal issues with it

but in reality am i really doing any life threatening harm or is this ok for me to do every once in a while?

As a former pot-smoker (20+ years) I would recommend avoiding it AND alcohol lest it hinder your ability to address your recovery issues. (you have unresolved CSA issues right?)

If a friend is judging you about it, well, that's another subject entirely. When it comes to that, you have to weigh the value of a friendship over the value of being able to alter your consciousness with a particular drug. I would take the friendship over the drug myself.

Marijuana served its purpose for me, but that time has passed. I'm also avoiding it so that my ever-so-delicate self image isn't hurt anymore by knowing that I'm relying on a chemical crutch in order to cope with life. So, YES I was ABUSING it, not just doing it once every great while.

There is a line that can be drawn between use and abuse with any drug, whether its legally/socially accepted or not, but honestly Chris, I would just avoid it. Its too easy to fall into a pattern of relying on it to feel better about yourself. And, as a good friend here at MS told me, feeling better about yourself is a FAR better feeling than any drug can deliver. I've not totally experienced this feeling that he described yet myself, but I believe him, and I'm going to stay away from marijuana until I AT LEAST like myself again.

Chris,

Marijuana was my addiction of choice, and it is something I really miss. I'm going to try to answer you as objectively as possible.

You need to be extremely careful as to why you are using it, and with what you stated in your message, I'm a little leery. Personally, I think any mind altering substance, including alcohol, should be approaced with extreme caution for anyone who is recovering from any kind of abuse.

You're going to do what you want to do, and it is entirely up to you to make a choice like this. However, keep in mind that the dissociative properties that exist with marijuana use don't stop when the buzz ends. Also, the lack of ambition that marijuana promotes can also be a serious detriment to recovery even without habitual use.

Let's just put it this way. If I thought it was okay for me to use marijuana every once in a while, I would. I know it's not okay for me, but you're going to have to make your own decision.

Bryan

I've got to echo Bryan on this one- I went from "Hey, this is pretty cool" to demanding my dealer put my shit in a shoebox and send it in a cab @ 4:00 AM. It never got there, and my dealer (who was an old high school buddy) dropped me like a hot potato. It's not coke or heroin in that you become physically addicted; but i became totally psychologically dependent on it for a long, long time, and you really do lose motivation to do much with regular use. It made me much more emotionally fragile and paranoid in the long run...
We have enough problems. I regret very much having added to them by choosing the wrong coping methods. I'm not gung-ho anti-drug; there are people who can use marijuana occasionally, but they don't think about it all the time they don't have it, they see it as a indulgent luxury, not an essential part of getting through the day. I am NOT one of those people- the only reason i never got into harder stuff was it was too expensive and i knew i'd like it too much.
Not trying to be preachy, i just know what happened in my case; i would feel irresponsible if i read that post and didn't chime in. I grew to fall in love w/ "MJ", and she never returned the favor...

it starts ---so innocent----------thrying something new-----------then it takes over-------------any mind alterating thing -----------------------will hinder your healing-------------------give it time it will makes things worse------------- in your mind----------------------------thats what happened to me-----------------------------------

my feeling is that a lot of teens/20 year olds experiment with it. so you did. done. i wouldn't persue it further. if you arent using it "to relax" and "allow people to touch you" for once...which means you are using it to curb effects of the abuse, then i ask what ARE you using it for? here how i see the whole thing playing out... you smoke... you relax... you finally feel "normal" around people... you can't feel normal without it... you are able to have people touch you... leads to girlfriends... leads to sex.. so you think you cant do any of that without it. which means addiction. and addiction sucks.

Chris,

Just an FYI...I'm not in the habit of judging people for decisions they make regarding stuff like this, especially survivors. If you ever want to have a frank discussion about this, just let me know (bjohn13 in chat).

I've made a lot of mistakes and bad choices in my life, but I don't really regard my decision to stay addicted to pot for 15 years as that much of a mistake. I did what I had to do to cope, and it kept me from acting out. Yes, those are 15 years that I want back, but at the same time, I wasn't ready to deal with what needed to be dealt with anyway. Therefore, what I try to concentrate on now is the fact that I am a recovering addict who did what I had to do to survive.

I would much rather you face your issues head on, but you also have to do what you have to do.

Bryan

good point.
I'm not meaning to come across as judging anyone.
I see my old attempts to cope or ease the pain almost like
what happens to a ship at sea that's on fire, with nothing but seawater to put it out. Pumping seawater extinguishes the fire, but now the ship is starting to list (tip over) and is in danger of sinking, due to all the water it's taken on.
Maybe the fire might have burned my ship to cinders w/o the water; I'll never know.
I have to remember "there is no wasted time", really- we're ready when we're ready, and it can't be forced. At this point in my life, I can't be honest with myself and continue to do things which bury my feelings further, and always wear off. The boogeyman of my pain has infinite patience, and is always there waiting- he knows the party has to end sometime.
I admit I loved all the same effects described, the ability to relax, be touched w/o jumping a mile, etc.
For me, for now, i need to find a way to cope that doesn't fade and leave me back at square 1.
-just a suggestion: if nothing else, try to notice how eager or excited you feel at the idea of smoking weed or getting high, or how anxious or unhappy you would feel if there were no more weed ever as of tomorrow. This can be a good indicator of your potential for psychological dependency.
It's your life, I'm only words on a screen to you; you know your situation better than anyone. whatever choice you make, it helps to be honest w/ yourself about your motives before making it.

Thanks so much every one. I'm not sure if im going to continue to use it. its not like i use it all the time now but when i do i really enjoy it. I could deffenitly live with out it. i dont spend my day thinking i want to get high but i will admit the side effects are quite nice so i do find my self thinking about it every once in a while. but perhaps i should cool it at least for a little while until i am in a little more stable of a state of mind.

,Chris

excellent idea Chris! I hope you're not just saying that, it's not as if pot will actually vanish from the face of the earth, you have the rest of your life to mess w/ it any more. Better to be on solid ground before playing w/ your brain...
Hey, I feel good about myself! cool...