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#187283 - 10/15/07 01:47 PM perp ID issues?
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Thanks for the welcome!
My question: on the one hand, I know either the first or last name (but not which) of the perp, and where he worked- and I can almost guarantee there were other victims, though no proof of such, and of course I'd love it if there was a way of at least describing him so any other potential survivors of his could know they're not alone. Who knows, maybe there's already a few formers of his already here. On the OTHER hand...
I do *not* want to commit major board no-nos.
Urm, help?

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#187284 - 10/15/07 02:00 PM Re: perp ID issues? [Re: dgoods]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Dgoods

I think your question is a great one. I think one of the moderators would be best suited to answer your question. I'd be interested, too. I am also sure that my abuser had other victims, but I never thought that they might be here - I have a hunch that one or both of his sons were subjected as well as other kids in our neighborhood.

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#187301 - 10/15/07 04:15 PM Re: perp ID issues? [Re: dannym]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
If You have good evedense of abuse. I would do every thing that I could to expose this person for what he is . so that there would not be any other victoms . Some times the rite thing is not the easyst thing to do

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#187302 - 10/15/07 04:19 PM Re: perp ID issues? [Re: OKIE MIKE]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
I have been following up on one of my perps. Found out he died from a heart attack some years ago. Bastard died before I had a chance to tell him face to face what he did to me. The other perp. is my bro. Haven't been in close contact for some time. Hope through T. I will be able to confront him.
KENKEN

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#187304 - 10/15/07 04:34 PM Re: perp ID issues? [Re: KENKEN]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Realizing my attitude is probably greatly colored by the fact that I remember very little of my abuse ...

I've never seen the purpose in confronting any of my perps. I'd only have one question:

WHY??????

and I guarantee none of them would ever be able to answer that question to my satisfaction.

M


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#187340 - 10/15/07 09:27 PM Re: perp ID issues? [Re: MarkK]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5779
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Couple of things....

One is that unless your perpetrator has been convicted in court, it is best not to put out names here. If the person has not been convicted (not charged or arrested, but convicted), under our system, he is considered innocent until proven guilty. And, MS does not want to spend its limited resources to pay out libel judgments, so we don't allow such identifications to be done here.

Secondly, to MarkK's post, in my work with perpetrators for nearly 30 years, I've rarely (maybe never) heard of one in the early stages of treatment (or no treatment) actually know WHY? They really don't know why. They may have excuses or possibilities but these fall by the wayside when confronted by a therapist who knows the bs.

Ken


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#187349 - 10/15/07 10:24 PM Re: perp ID issues? [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
That's pretty much what I figured...
Is there some way I could tell my story, maybe with a generalized physical de>
_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#187406 - 10/16/07 09:19 AM Re: perp ID issues? [Re: dgoods]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5779
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
You can tell your story in the Survivor's Stories forum. We just ask that you not give specific info about the perpetrator, as noted above. You can give details, including the first name or initials of the perpetrator. Just be sure to post a Trigger warning if you get graphic.

Ken


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