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#187397 - 10/16/07 08:06 AM I am NOT OK
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
For some reason I can't say it to peoples face or even in chat. I am falling apart.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#187401 - 10/16/07 09:09 AM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: pain4ever]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
I know you don't know me, but I'm really sorry to hear it- maybe we can hold some pieces in place for you, I'm kinda tattery too...

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#187407 - 10/16/07 09:24 AM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: dgoods]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Sorry to hear that, but I'm glad you were able to say it. If you'd like to say more, we're here.

David


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#187412 - 10/16/07 09:39 AM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: MemoryVault]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
There is too much...I dont even know where to start. All I know is that all the progress I have made is gone now and I dont know how to stop backsliding.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#187417 - 10/16/07 09:54 AM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: pain4ever]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11053
Loc: Denver, CO
p4e,

I know that in my experience, the progress was still there. But facing the issues brings some hard emotions to the forefront that can feel like this big setback. The reality is that what was learned and realized is not "unlearned and unrealized." Rather, the issues are no longer on the back burner. They are being looked at head-on. Things feel like they get worse for a while. Once growth happens and truth is realized though, there is no going back.

My $0.02 worth.

Andy

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#187418 - 10/16/07 09:56 AM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: FormerTexan]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11053
Loc: Denver, CO
For feeling overwhelmed, I have found that slow, deep breathing helps me feel in control of things again. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Several deep breaths done slowly.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#187419 - 10/16/07 10:03 AM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: pain4ever]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
"All" the progress? Maybe you don't feel you're in a spot where you can make much use of them, but I'm sure there's a few tools you've accquired since the start of your journey. You can't be a hopeless case by virtue of the fact that you posted this, and haven't completely isolated, the way I see it! I tend to be all-or-nothing myself, that's why I mention it- I feel like "everything has to be right the first time, or you have to start over". Which is fine for making babies or baking souffles, but not too much else...
PS I'm a slow typist, and agonize for 20 minutes on how to put something(see perfectionist reference above), then post, to find someone else saying basically the same thing, but better



Edited by dgoods (10/16/07 10:08 AM)
_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

Top
#187422 - 10/16/07 10:16 AM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: dgoods]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Okay someone needs to stand in front of me and make me dodge bullets so I can be distracted...I do fine..normally...when in crisis mode...just not so much right now.

Yes, I realize that the progress really cant be undone but alot of old habits are coming back that are interfering with life.

I am starting to sabotage my own life....cant control my emotions.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#187423 - 10/16/07 10:25 AM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: pain4ever]
saint-of-Lost-Causes Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 57
Loc: Michigan
that doesn't mean your backsliding...it means your dealing with everything....powerful emotions aren't going to just stay away because you decide to recover.

_________________________
We accept the love we think we deserve!

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#187427 - 10/16/07 10:42 AM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: saint-of-Lost-Causes]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Oh trust me I know..The tough and most powerful emotions only started coming out during recovery. Funny thing is it less my recovery right now and more other issues in life...trust betrayals...financial stresses...new job...etc. These are all aparently changing my ability to control the rage and anger and depression.

It seems the life stresses are a trigger for my disassociation and anger control issues.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#187428 - 10/16/07 10:43 AM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: saint-of-Lost-Causes]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Are you starting to jump from feeling to feeling? Getting a panicky "Gotta go" feeling, or being vicious or nasty to ones close to you? I know I'm pretty good for imitating a yo-yo (if anger was down, shame was up, and fear was the damn string).

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

Top
#187429 - 10/16/07 10:48 AM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: dgoods]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Ya exactly...

One second I am mad...next second I am fine....Next second I am so down....then something as simple as my BF chewing too loudly will set me off.

Putting on my sprinting shoes as we speak...I talked to my partner about that last night...about me wanting to run but i dont want to run from him ...I love him...no matter how much he pisses me off sometimes!

I cant sleep cause I feel so antsy!!!!!

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#187431 - 10/16/07 11:00 AM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: pain4ever]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
GREAT idea. It's a cliche, but just getting your muscles going in a nice mindless repetition, the fresh air the sights and sounds outside, will all help you. You might want to consider playing a dumb little game like counting how many blue cars you see, if just to concenttrate on what your senses are telling you, instead of the ol' thinking in tighter and tighter circles.
PS check the times on all my posts, and you'll know I can relate w/ the insomnia



Edited by dgoods (10/16/07 11:02 AM)
_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

Top
#187432 - 10/16/07 11:02 AM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: dgoods]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
LOL...I mean metaphorically speaking....running as far as running from my issues. But the literal run might not be a bad idea either.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#187444 - 10/16/07 12:14 PM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: pain4ever]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
<-facepalm ...Duh me. (shrugs) What could it(the LITERAL run) hurt? Unless you sprain ankles really, really easily...:P

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

Top
#187445 - 10/16/07 12:15 PM Re: I am NOT OK [Re: dgoods]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
I am really clumsy...so maybe a bad thing....I dont know. I need body air bags.

(Sorry wasn't trying to be mean earlier)

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
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