OK, this might sound weird, but it sounds to me like your a little jealous of your lady. She has the ability to talk, to go out, to work, to ask for what she wants or to just sit quietly, and maybe a bunch of other things but you aren't comfortable doing any of them. How about instead of making yourself so stressed over it and instead of talking about the abuse, you pick one of those things that you want to do but can't and ask her how? Maybe she could help you instead of unknowingly stressing you.
The things you do for her are nice things and just because she asks and just because you do it, doesn't make it bad. What makes it bad is if you don't want to but you disregard yourself anyway.
Try taking little steps Coop and learning little things at a time. Once you've mastered one, move on to another while continuing to practice the first. Sooner or later, I'm willing to bet the two of you find a happy peace.
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.