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#187866 - 10/18/07 11:29 PM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: Gerald2007]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Mike-
i understand the feelings, part of me would love to find my perp alone in dark alley somewhere. The anger born from my abuse has come out in bad ways in my past- i was looking at 60 yrs. for my loss of control at one time. I try to remember it's OK to BE angry, just not OK to DO "angry"; my Dad's temper used to terrify me, and although i know my perp is (or was) not an innocent child, smashing his skull open wouldn't make the bad memories go away, after the glee died out, it would just make me feel like being a monster is handed down; just changed from pedophilia to murderous rage.

I hope you are able to find out what happened to the bastard, dead or alive- I'm still trying to find out what happened to my perp myself.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#187872 - 10/19/07 12:36 AM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: Gerald2007]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
SEEING HIM IN JAIL WOULD DO ME THE MOST GOOD , AS FAR AS THE MONEY GOES I WOULD USE IT FOR A CHILDRENS EDUCATION PROGRAM THAT WOULD HELP PREVENT CHILD ABUSE

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#187887 - 10/19/07 02:59 AM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: Gerald2007]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
michael I sent message to care2, remeber I am your friend

you rest and relax and try to keep sending messages out there

not sure what you need to do but I am here for you

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#187934 - 10/19/07 12:46 PM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: michael Joseph]
Power_water Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/14/07
Posts: 45
Loc: Portland, OR, USA
I want to find my perp,

I know he is old and long since dead.

But I need to find him.

I know this is a very seperate part of the healing process.

but for me it is an open blank void, begging to be filled in.

who was he? how many others did he abuse? was he part of a small group of friends, a ring, or worse and organization?

I need to know who he was. Otherwise I will never completely know how he connected to and crushed me.

Mike I pray that you find him, dead or alive.

_________________________
Bring works of darkness to light

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#187962 - 10/19/07 08:16 PM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: Power_water]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
Karma is a strange thing , We reap what we sew . Even though my
perp may be dead . I believe that his punishment is just begining.
My soul has ben tormented for over 30 years because of what happened so long ago . But I hope that his soul is tormented forever . May he burn in Hell

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#187982 - 10/19/07 10:15 PM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: OKIE MIKE]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Michael - don't worry about your spelling...we are only concerned that you say what you want to.

I wish the managers/directors where I work would spell at least as well as you do (they type fast, and make loads of mistakes & we have to work out what they are saying) - I can understand every sentence you type. Be proud of yourself - you have come here and said what you wanted to - I hope others will do the same.

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#192880 - 11/27/07 11:30 PM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: Gerald2007]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
mike hugs

michael

let me know how you are doing

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#192912 - 11/28/07 06:02 AM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: michael Joseph]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Michael

have agreat day, think positive

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#192916 - 11/28/07 06:53 AM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: michael Joseph]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mike, and others,

I know for a fact that the man who abused me when I was little is dead. I visited his grave and scattered over it the ashes of a letter I had written to him. I also know he must have died unhappy, or at least I know that when he died his son (probably another victim) didn't even attend the funeral. Many people who once respected his memory now despise it, knowing what he did to me and so many others.

But you know how much that helped me? Not a bit. I learned that I couldn't change what he did to me: I can ony change how I react to those terrible days. That's my choice. I can decide to hate him forever, or I can choose not to allow him any more control over my life than what he has had already.

Even when I was writing the letter to him I had decided, without thinking of it in these specific terms, to let it go. Not to forgive. That I will never do. And I never gave up my RIGHT to hate him. I just decided that he wasn't worth another second of my time or emotional energy. I wasn't going to let him continue to traumatize me even from his grave.

It wasn't easy to let go, that's for sure. I'm not sure I have achieved that even now. But I can assure you, every step along that road is a step taken for me and not for him.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#193033 - 11/28/07 07:08 PM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: roadrunner]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
Lary , I am glad that You Were able to put this behind you , I have not ben able to do this yet. After 30 years he still haunts my dreams.He has managed to kill my emotions to the point that all that I can feel for him is comptimt

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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