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#187342 - 10/15/07 09:40 PM MY SOUL IS DIENG
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
I seem to be looseing intrest in most every thing lately . I do not know the words to say . I feel like my soul has died . I am just numb
HELP I need to learn how to feel alive. The only emotions that I have left are depresion & anger . What ever happened to Love and Happness ? :-(

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#187345 - 10/15/07 09:51 PM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: OKIE MIKE]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Feel this very much Mike, what did happen to love and happiness? Ask myself alot where is my love, where is my happiness. Almost like I've done something to not deserve it.

Feel like my soul died along time ago and it wasn't a nice peaceful death but was a violent tramatic death. Like it was ripped out me.

Got some good advice about working on not living in my head, to just focus on my senses, seeing things, hearing things, smelling. Been living in my thought's for so long and not really experiencing anything. I'm having a hard time doing it but I can see it now and that help's alot. I've been told there's alot of peace outside my head, I believe it.

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#187495 - 10/16/07 08:21 PM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: mogigo]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
I guess no one gives a shit

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

Top
#187499 - 10/16/07 08:55 PM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Gerald2007 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Michael,
I am sorry you are having to deal with this shit.You know the guys on here care. Maybe they don't know what to say, but rest assure they are here for you.

Maybe it would help to talk about why you are so angry and depressed.

Grace & Peace
Gerald

_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

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#187570 - 10/17/07 02:14 AM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: Gerald2007]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Mike, am I correct in thinking that you've been diagnosed with PTSD?

Have you ever found out where your perp lives?

You're married, and have successfully raised a couple kids haven't you? Is your soul "dead" when you look into the eyes of one of your children?


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#187577 - 10/17/07 03:17 AM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: Hauser]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
I'm either a mess, or what you describe- just empty tired dead nothing, no interest in anything, just taking up space.
I'm not sure what's worse. It's easier to go there than feel anything sometimes, at first its not bad, but then it's like being sat on 24/7 by a silent black elephant that's also an empty hole. I feel for you, even if you don't feel much of anything right now.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#187578 - 10/17/07 03:28 AM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: Hauser]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
Yes I have ben diagnoised with cronic PTSD. I have ben maried 3 times.
My children are grown (27 & 21) I dont get to see them much . One lives in Oregon and the other one lives about 40 miles from me . He is a workahoic and I hardly get to see him . I wish that I could see more of my 2 1/2 year old grandson Nickalie , because he is the one thing that makes me feel alive
It just seems that I have ben realy down for the last year

The last lead that I had on the SOB was in San Antoino but that was a dead end . He is a Veteran . There should be a way to find him through the VA.system If they would release the information . I will neaver quit looking until I find him or his grave .
Sory I can't spell so good

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

Top
#187687 - 10/17/07 08:27 PM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Gerald2007 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Mike,
Perhaps I am coming in late on your situation. So if I am asking questions that you have answered before, please forgive me.

What would you do if you found your abuser,and more importantly...what would you say?

Grace & Peace
Gerald

_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

Top
#187716 - 10/18/07 12:20 AM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: Gerald2007]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
I would do every thing in my power to have Him prosicuted to the full extent of the law . then I would take him into a civil court . And sue him for every thing he has or ever will have
The anger has had 30 years to smolder and burn
As far as what would I say.... I thought you were my friend , but you turned out to be a sick evil person . I hope that you burn in hell. Because You destroyed any chance that I would of had at deasent life .


_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

Top
#187838 - 10/18/07 07:18 PM Re: MY SOUL IS DIENG [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Gerald2007 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Michael,
Have you ever imagined what you would feel like, if you found your abuser, had him prosecuted, and was able to get all money?

How would that make you feel? How would that help you to get over the anger and depression you you are now feeling?

You don't have to answer here..just to yourself if that's what you are most comfortable with.

Grace & Peace,
Gerald

_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

Top
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