Hi again,

So, the story around our house lately is relentless self-sabotage.

We had a perfectly lovely and agreeable day on Saturday, which started in an absolutely pleasant manner as we all slept in--at least for a while --and arose feeling rested and content. We had the entire day at home, doing chores and increasing orderliness, and a good and satisfying family dinner.

Then we watched (after my daughter went to sleep) a biopic about Bill Wilson, one of the founders of AA. It has been one of my BF's favorites, but he was quite disturbed seeing it this time with me, because he was realizing how much some of his current behavior (and mine) was reflected on the screen as the Bill W. character and his wife struggled to reach a true equilibrium. (Not actually established, from the evidence presented there, or so it seems to me.)

So what did he do yesterday? No surprise--he took off. No call, no email. It was not a pleasant day for us, since I was very tense and distracted, but we survived with few ill effects.

He showed up at home at about 6:00 am and is now sleeping, after the first time ever really weeping about it all with me. Before, he's been teary, but only a little bit; or angry, mostly, so so angry. He is so tired of screwing himself up, I know that. And he feels so stuck.

For the first time, he is making some connections between his current behavior of running away and his alcoholism--as though this were a variation of a "dry drunk." Pretty accurate, it seems to my uninformed self. And for the first time, it seems, he is connecting the alcoholism to the CSA. Well, it's good that he is doing that now. Amazing, isn't it, how many layers there are to all of this?

He has been making some effort to find a therapist, I know, and will probably start with someone this week. I am going to suggest meeting with our joint therapist again asap. The other meetings will happen eventually, though I do want a timeline for those.

I do think that he is ready for change, and ready to do what it takes. I hope that he will also feel strong enough to visit this site, at least in little doses.

I hate those men who did this to him. No punishment would be adequate.

Peace,
HG

Dear Honey Girl:

It appears as if BF has sunk to the point to where he will begin his swim up. Denying or running from the issues never makes them disappear. It is looking them straight in the eye, dealing with all of the feelings surrounding the experiences that moving forward becomes possible. I realize it is a long road ahead but one definitely worth traveling especially because far in the distance, it all levels off and becomes a lot more pleasant. I believe this as truth.

Therapy is a positive step forward especially if BF is willing to do the work. None of it is easy, most can often times be as painful as going to the dentist without any sort of numbing but in the end, the smile...yes the smile is well worth every bit of agony to get there.

I am grateful that you shared this monumental progress with us. Thank you,
S-n-S

HG,

What you describe him doing seems to be positive steps for the most part. The disappearing could get a little disturbing, but the rest seems to be some good progress.

It can still be a wild ride, but let's hope these developments are part of the next step in the process of healing.

Lots of love,

John