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#187018 - 10/14/07 09:20 AM Examining Grief
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
It has been hard
But I have not curled up into a little ball
I have not held myself and cried
I have cried a little
And have not said all those things to myself about men crying I once would have said
I have allowed myself to cry
The hurt was deep
Somehow the same, yet somehow very different
I have been hurt before
Abandoned
I wear those issues proudly on my sleeve
Wave the flag proudly on most days
But this was different
This I would not believe
Never believe
Would not ever allow myself to believe
And, yet
It was
There are things about which we are unable to think
They just are
We just sort of absorb them into ourselves
Our bodies
Our beings
No words, no thoughts, will comprehend them
Abuse is like that
You can't put abuse into words
Only pictures sometimes
Flashes of what was done
Feelings.....horrible feelings of not knowing how to stop
How to cope
This was one of those
Is one of those
I'm sure I'll work it out
Or it will make me face it bit by bit
It's not that I'm not facing it as much as that I don't know what it is
Shock?
Maybe
Just an empty feeling......just that
No anger, rage, sense of being used, mislead
Just emptiness, where friendship used to be
Love
I loved him
Men are allowed to do that, you know
Love a friend
If we say it out loud three times and click our heels
And I am so proud of myself that I haven't closed up shop and gone home
I'm still here
I still believe
And most of all
I can still feel......I really can.....I didn't shut down
I am amazed at who I have become.

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#187317 - 10/15/07 05:01 PM Re: Examining Grief [Re: Bobby]
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
It's called recovery, plain and simple.

froggy

_________________________
??

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