Newest Members
cricket1007, Nickie98, jahfree, Daryl X., tryintothrive
12496 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
joeybird (54), ladyinwaiting (46), txpearl (46)
Who's Online
4 registered (md4e, Bardo, 2 invisible), 23 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12496 Members
74 Forums
64168 Topics
447773 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#186663 - 10/12/07 04:40 AM my dream
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
my youth was short
while others count their early years as twenty five
mine number roughly twelve
and these dozen were always overshadowed by the need to do better
as if praise were some prize to be earned
well i grugingly received it and more that i didnt ask for
who would ever want this knowing the price paid to get it
and i had never even thought of it

little more than a child
surly the earth itself cried out at my violation
for five full years this twisted superiority defiled me
my developing manhood was tainted with blood
the demand and the humilation would make my mind
squirm and twist and writhe just like my body on
those days and nights
for those terror filled years that my
mother was relived of the task of tucking me in

oviously there are scars - physical emotional mental
there are nights when my mind still jolts from side to side with my eyes scanning franticaly and a cry of MOMMY is quited on my tongue
living like this is like existing in a prison of my own making created of snow and ice and steel
it feels hopless where there is only stone walls
i belive that there is nothing to restore my contaminated spirit

tears threaten
will they come?
or do i have none?
last night i dreamed i killed one of them
HIM
the one whos face and voice and stench poisons my mind and heart
it was easy
while he was looking down off the top of the parking garage i hit him with a bottle and pushed him over the edge
there was no one on the street
so i took my car and left the scene
running him over on the way
so easy

i wake up and wonder if the fantasy were true
even if i was to get caught i would not care
i am weaponless but yet i feel plagued by doubts
was this quick murder justice?

NO
it was not
he should have to die over and over agian in hours of agony as i did all those years


_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




Top
#186768 - 10/12/07 05:16 PM Re: my dream [Re: nicky]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
Dear Nick,
I wish you could "kill" them ALL...wipe them from your memory.

Today...I weep for that young man...tossed aside...put in that terrible position of torment...to have to re-live it all these years.

Bless you my friend. You are such a source of strength for me. You are an incredibly kind and passionate person...whom we ALL appreciate having on this site. Thank you for sharing your story in these recent posts.

I'm sending so, so many good thought your way.

Take Care,

Much Love,
Russ (Rejy)

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Top
#186771 - 10/12/07 05:48 PM Re: my dream [Re: trusty]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Dear Nicky -

Much love and (((((nicky))))) your way.

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

Top
#186820 - 10/12/07 10:03 PM Re: my dream [Re: kellygtx]
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
thank you guys
it means so much
realy

_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




Top
#187028 - 10/14/07 11:17 AM Re: my dream [Re: nicky]
sunshine70 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/29/07
Posts: 51
Loc: florida
HUG!


Top


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.