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#186947 - 10/13/07 04:25 PM Been away a while, in a bottomless pit.
emptydreamer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/07
Posts: 276
Loc: Midwest USA
Wow. I stay away a while, and so much has transpired while I was gone!

I have to admit to being shocked that shadow was a fake.
The firefighter however, was no surprise to me. Many of his posts went way beyond being credible, at least to me anyway. I still find it hard to understand why anyone would do such a thing.

I have not done much healing in the past two weeks. If anything, I've been working on those two steps backwards that seem to go with the one step forward.

The wife and I are still in the same house, but we are far from together right now. We have hardly spoken in the past three days. She has a horrible cold, and looks so miserable anyway, I have not pressed the issue of what we are going to do to either stay together, or end it and go our own ways.

I feel like she has totally given up on any hope that we can ever be better, or at least any hope that I will ever be better. She is not willing to look at anything she does as being wrong, or that her behavior contributes to the problems we have. As far as she is concerned, she is fine, I'm the one with problems.

I've been paranoid getting on here lately since I have to do so at work. I have my own laptop, so I don't worry about anyone tracking me but the thought that someone might get a glimpse of my screen name, and google it, really hit me. I have vowed to be more careful about being here when ever anyone else is in my work area. Some days are like grand central station, then days like today when I'm here totally alone for a few hours.

I hope everyone is doing as well as they can, I miss being here as much as I used to, but for now, I'm just going to be a little more careful.

Best wishes and warmest regards,
Scott

_________________________
I'm here for a reason. Failure is not an option.

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#186962 - 10/13/07 07:15 PM Re: Been away a while, in a bottomless pit. [Re: emptydreamer]
savemyfam Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 144
Loc: Chicago
Hi Scott!!

What about doing something like finding a marriage retreat?? Set it up and then tell her that your going?? Or make an appointment with a marriage counselor and then tell her that your going. Maybe she needs for you to set some course of action, that she is not capable of taking the steps herself.

I don't know if any of that would help, I'm kind of in a similar situation myself and of course it's easier for me to tell you what to do!!!!

I guess I need to ask you the questions that I also need to ask myself - do you really want it to work out?? Do you really want to put the work into a relationship that is so broken and filled with hurt? Do you really have the energy to go through the motions all the while knowing that your partner is not willing to do the work that needs to be done to make it right??? Wow Scott, these questions really were for me.......... do you understand how I'm feeling????

Sorry that I have not given any encouragement, I'm not feeling to hip tonight about helping a selfish person fight to keep their spouse - I'm talking about my husband by the way.

Okay so I need to end this on a positive note so here goes: We miss you too Scott.

Take care,
Angie

_________________________
God has a plan for me, I trust in God's plan.

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#186996 - 10/13/07 11:00 PM Re: Been away a while, in a bottomless pit. [Re: savemyfam]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
scott,

please invite your wife here if you haven't already - maybe she just needs to vent a little - or share - whatever - she's not alone either -

all the best,
indy

_________________________
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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#187197 - 10/14/07 10:52 PM Re: Been away a while, in a bottomless pit. [Re: indygal]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Hi Scott,

Glad you checked in and let us know how you're doing. I certainly do understand the need to post in privacy. I have my own office at work, have not internet access, but am not sure I would dare to access MS from there because someone can walk in at any moment without me knowing they are coming.

First rule is to stay safe is it not? Good for you.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#187275 - 10/15/07 12:25 PM Re: Been away a while, in a bottomless pit. [Re: WalkingSouth]
emptydreamer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/07
Posts: 276
Loc: Midwest USA
Thank you for your suggestions, and support.

savemyfam, your questions ring so true with me. Sorry that they are questions you have to be asking yourself as well.

Deep inside, I know that we will never be OK. It's as much my fault, as it is hers, and the blame lies in what happened to us in our past, not in what we have faced since we met.

She told me four days ago, that she had lost any hope that we can get better. She spoke to, in her words, "a Professional" at an 800 number who supposedly told her that our personalities are so different that we could never resolve our problems.

The past four days have been spent with her getting more and more distant from me, both physically, and verbally. She won't let me be close to her, when I reach out to take her hand, she pulls it away from me, and just sits looking sad and miserable.

I think the biggest impact from your questions is the statement that she is unwilling to look at herself, at all. That is the part that really puts the brakes on anything I could try to do on my own.

indygal, I wish I could invite her here. So much of our problems stem from the fact that she never learned to read or write having come to America from Thailand. I have encouraged her to at least try, but she feels she's too old to learn now and it would just be a waste of her time to do so. She can't read, she can't type, so she couldn't benefit from this place in any way. How I wish that she had this option, I know it could be of much help to her.

I am beginning to face the fact that we are done. It already feels like she is gone, she just hasn't left yet. It is tearing me to pieces inside, and I feel I have little to no control of what is happening to us. I am so addicted to her, and taking care of her, I have never felt so lost before.

Thanks again to you all,
Best wishes and warmest regards,
Scott

_________________________
I'm here for a reason. Failure is not an option.

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#187335 - 10/15/07 08:57 PM Re: Been away a while, in a bottomless pit. [Re: emptydreamer]
savemyfam Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 144
Loc: Chicago
Originally Posted By: emptydreamer
I am beginning to face the fact that we are done. It already feels like she is gone, she just hasn't left yet. It is tearing me to pieces inside, and I feel I have little to no control of what is happening to us. I am so addicted to her, and taking care of her, I have never felt so lost before.


I'm so sorry Scott, I hate it when anyone is hurting.

It sounds to me like you are both dealing with depression right now, would she be willing to go to the doctor for antidepressants? Maybe that would be a start.

Please take care of yourself and I really am sorry that your in so much pain.

All my best,
Angie

_________________________
God has a plan for me, I trust in God's plan.

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