Everyone,
I was just wondering...for a long time... if anyone else had my problem???? I guess most of you have read my past post of acting it out with my wife's help, well there is a good reason for this...safety!!! For me and mostly for the other man! Sure I'm very passive and feel the strong need to act out being raped again...but with a strange twist to it!!! After submitting to the rape I go aggressive towards the man big time! Not with sex in mind but as a killer...kicking the living shit out of him!!!! I was able to stop myself after he started crying but what the hell is this??? I had to spend 3 weeks in a hospital untill I learned safety! I don't know if I learned safety or not to put myself in that position? Six months later I found myself setting another guy up for a fall but was caught by my wife and stopped by her and my therapist! Now my therapist says that I could easily become a serial killer if not kept in check! Charm the guy into action then finish the job myself! Now; to say the least, I don't want to do this...so all my therapist agree with me acting it out with my wife fisting me! Now I haven't gone out side for this acting it out thing for 17 months now and don't feel the need to do so! I was just wondering if anyone here has done this passive - appressive thing...my present therapist says that it is not that rare of a thing to happen in cases of male on male SA. I guess that it may not be but most will never admit it. It seems to be caused by deep hiden anger! Whatever, doubt if I get any answers on this one!!!

Eddie