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#186539 - 10/11/07 02:17 PM An Empty Space
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
And now, my boy, what path to take?
Life hasn't changed
And yet life can never be the same
I'll trust again
But maybe not as much
Keep a little more reserved
Lock a little more heart away for safe keeping
But, then will healing ever come?
So screwed up in here
Built my own asylum
White coats for one, please
My kid is tired
Exhausted
Just wants to take a nap
A long one
Wake me when there's nothing left to think about
And that's just it
My brain won't think about it
My mind will spew all sorts of things
Of how I'll cope
And how I'll go on just the same
But I have a brain that's learned to bury pain
Learned to hide it very deep
And it already starts to shove this pain down deep inside where it will not be felt again
I've cried a lot today
Not since Jake
But at least with Jake I allowed myself to mourn
Openly
There was no betrayal there
Only the terrible ache of loss
But this
Where do you put this
Who did I love
So close a friend for two years.....vanished
Now not only do I have to deal with repressed memories of perhaps made up abuse
I have an adult imaginary friend
See, there's no one there
It seems there never was
Temptation is to rub the whole damn thing away
Erase it from my mind
Say it never happened
But it did...........happen
And it was good
Only, it wasn't real
Except that it was
It's funny that I don't feel
Duped
Lied to
Taken advantage of
Angry
And I know it was an awful thing he did
But, I mainly feel like I have lost a friend
And I'd really like to have him back

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#186588 - 10/11/07 07:38 PM Re: An Empty Space [Re: Bobby]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bobby,

This is perhaps the most difficult aspect of a case like this. What is one to think? What was real? Did it matter?

I think it did matter, in fact it mattered a lot. I would like to invite you, however, to look at it in terms of yourself. You reached out. You opened up. You were able to use another's encouragement to lay bare feelings and emotions that had long remained hidden.

You may attribute this to the influence of someone else, but at the end of the day this is what YOU did. The victory is yours. No factor concerning someone else can take that away from you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#186652 - 10/12/07 01:12 AM Re: An Empty Space [Re: roadrunner]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
I'm so sorry that you and others here were betrayed like this, Bobby. I can offer a gentle hug, my friend. {{Bobby}}

_________________________
Eddie

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