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#186563 - 10/11/07 04:20 PM Dealing with Me
Tom(stuocms) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/06
Posts: 9
Loc: Hudson Valley - NY
Mods, please i do not know if this belongs here .. please move or delete it if necessary!

I don't know where to start, but i need to talk to someone... I want to cry.... it hurts so much inside.... thats why i came back..... I'm scared... so.. I act out... I do stuff... anything anyone wants, i don't care! I don't know how to say no.

Intimidation runs, no ruins my life.

I love my family... and they r so torn apart- DIVORCED! MY decisions wreck havoc... Why can't i be normal... Both my sons(20,23) are having DIFFICULT times.. floundering with one(20) having moved 1300 miles away... albeit on really good terms. There is definately love between us... Just, I can not deal with separation it destroys me inside.

I can't make rational decisions.. or sit with a group n hold my own.... I want to run, people talk over me. Yet, as dumb as this sounds, people think i m smart - i'm NOT.

I think of sex ALL DAY EVERYDAY.. forever in my life. I'm stuck, unable to move foward or back. I crawl into a disheaveld bed -unmade in weeks... although my house is clean.....just my own space isn't ... n think it is all i deserve it's what it feels like inside me.

I put EVERYONE before me. ... in everything,cuz i do not know how not to. I was told today i wud not survive literally in NYC cuz i m too kind and i don't get it. People also lash ot at me.... knowing i won't lash back, knowing i wud rather eat it then fight it. I don't understand why people are so hateful and critical.... not necessarily of me but others.

And .. rejection forget it.... I have Begged for forgiveness in public... i'm a coward.

I am feeling horibble right now inside.. and look to act out...

I know many of you have more important issues... I don't mean to be selfish.. talking about my stupid stuff... so I appologize



Edited by Tom(stuocms) (10/11/07 04:44 PM)

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#186566 - 10/11/07 04:39 PM Re: Dealing with Me [Re: Tom(stuocms)]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Originally Posted By: Tom(stuocms)
I know many of you have more important issues... I don't mean to be selfish.. talking about my stupid stuff... so I appologize


There is no need to apologize. No one is more important, and no one is less important. We're all the same here. You have just as much right to speak here, to be heard here, and to get support here as any of us.

We've all been subjected to something that shouldn't have happened to us. Some of us are further along in their recovery. Some of us are just beginning. I can guarantee you this, though. 99% of us have had the same feelings you share above. You aren't alone, Tom.


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#186571 - 10/11/07 05:22 PM Re: Dealing with Me [Re: Tom(stuocms)]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Originally Posted By: Tom(stuocms)


I think of sex ALL DAY EVERYDAY.. forever in my life. I'm stuck, unable to move foward or back. I crawl into a disheaveld bed -unmade in weeks... although my house is clean.....just my own space isn't ... n think it is all i deserve it's what it feels like inside me.



Tom - have you ever read anything on Sexual Addicition? I have seen it in a number of survivors posts and referenced in several books. Maybe it would be worth exploring.



Edited by kellygtx (10/11/07 05:23 PM)
_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#186671 - 10/12/07 07:32 AM Re: Dealing with Me [Re: Tom(stuocms)]
MusicMan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/23/03
Posts: 144
Loc: Elmira, NY
Hi Tom,

I can see that you are still struggling. I would really like to help. You know that you can talk to me. I work with addictions all day every day.

I would also suggest becoming involved with some support groups, like Sex Anonymous, which is much like Alcoholics Anonymous. It has a national following and there are probably some groups somewhere in your area. There is also OO, which is Overcomers Outreach. That, too, is a national organization and it deals with people with addictions of all kinds. It is also run like AA and it is a Christian organization. If you would like, I could find one of those groups in your area.

You really need a lot of support. And it is out there for you. Just reach out for it.

As far as people taking advantage of you for being "too nice", I can relate. I know that people take advantage of me, too. I'm very co-dependent and everyone knows it. So, I don't have much advice on that one, except to say that you are definitely not alone.

I would really like to help. Please let me know if I can. I want you to have the best life that you can have. I think that we've all suffered enough. It's time for all of us to move on to a better us. And that's what we're all here for.

God bless,
John, The Music Man.


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