I went to the doctor yesterday for a annual check up and to have him prescribe Paxil that my T recomended I go on. I was really scared going since this was the first visit to a doctor since everything has started to come out. Because of what I read on here I made sure I told him that I was in thereapy discovering about my abuse. He was really sensitive and careing about it which made me feel comfortable around him. Well it came time to for the testicular and prostate exam, I don't need to tell anyone here how scared that made me. Well it seem like I was fine with both when they were going on. Although after the doctor came back in after he let me clean up from the prostate exam I told him then how scared I was and again he was really understanding a apologised for not thinking about that.

So I left the office and at first I felt ok but then has the night progressed I started feeling really bad about myself and also getting really depressed and shameful. Since this is all new to me I'm not sure if this was definatly a delayed reacton to the visit or something else. Has anyone else had the same experience as me?

Luke

It sounds like you are experiencing a dichotomy of emotions, which is actually very typical for many of us. On one hand, you trust your doctor and you are aware that the exam is necessary, and on the other hand, you have been triggered by memories and sensations you were not sure you were ready for.

Delayed reaction? Sounds like it to me. You are not feeling anything you shouldn't be, if that helps.

Hey, Luke.

I had almost a similar experience several years ago.

I had just disclosed to my family - I went in for a physical and was very triggered by the prostate exam. At one point, he said, "Ok, Dan, breathe" I was so tense.

Here's the funny part, when I was in my early 20's, I had a bad prostate infection. I had many many many prostate exams in that time, and although unpleasant (the infection made it very uncomfortable), I was not triggered... then, at the age of 40, I was back in the basement again - full of shame, guilt... I felt so dirty and "bad".

It has gotten better - the last time was no big deal at all... so as Cbfull said, you are experiencing something very normal considering your past.

Dan