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#186403 - 10/11/07 12:46 AM A Broken Boy
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
I am 16,
still a child,
but wanting to be a man.
Trying to understand
what being a man means,
and I have you, Dave,
as my example.

We began years ago,
you and I,
when I was a child of 10.
Wounded already by my father, mother,
and soon to be wounded by others.
You're seeing it all,
all those wounds,
and understanding
how broken I am becoming.
A broken boy.

You're kind to me
in all the ways my father isn't.
I want to call you "Father",
to be your son,
I want to be
whatever you want me to be.
And I want you to be
what I need you to be.

We talk about sexual things,
you give me porn, red wine, and time,
and this 16 year old broken boy
gets broken even further.
You touch me
in ways that others have before you.
But I don't care,
it's what guys do together.

Can you see how I love you, Dave?
Can you see how broken I am?
You always know what to say,
know what I need to hear,
you're always working on the broken boy.

You don't love me, Dave.
You can't just love
the broken boy
for what he is.

You had no right, Dave.
No right.

_________________________
Eddie

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#186421 - 10/11/07 02:17 AM Re: A Broken Boy [Re: EGL]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Eddie,

Very Powerful. I'm beginning to agree more and more with the gorgeous one when he expounds the virtue of poetry. This poem speaks in ways that words alone cannot.

I know of the struggle behind these words, and I am moved with compassion for the boy, and the man who so recently penned them.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#186470 - 10/11/07 08:39 AM Re: A Broken Boy [Re: EGL]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Eddie,

Originally Posted By: EGL
You don't love me, Dave.
You can't just love
the broken boy
for what he is.


Right there's the cruelty of it all, isn't it? All you needed was a safe adult friend to help you along your way to adulthood. Just someone to look up to and ask, "Am I doing this okay?" 16 is such a vulnerable age. Why was that too much to ask?

I feel your pain, bro. Thanks for sharing this with us and I hope writing it helps you as you deal with your memories of Dave. Just remember that the failing was his 100%, not yours.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#186485 - 10/11/07 09:50 AM Re: A Broken Boy [Re: roadrunner]
pietie Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 326
Loc: South Africa
Powerful poem. I know the feeling of wanting to call somebody my father, worshipping him and realizing he is not my father, never will be, hurting so much from the consequences.

thanx for sharing your heart.

_________________________
Not Perfect, just forgiven

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#186528 - 10/11/07 01:14 PM Re: A Broken Boy [Re: pietie]
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
All our lives we look for it, Eddie. All our lives. We keep thinking that we'll find it....we'll find that guy who can fill that hole. And the only person who can understand the search....the need.....is someone on the same search, with the same need. And no matter how old we get, someone is always there who senses the need and is ready to take advantage of it. And you know what, Eddie, we don't deserve that. Ain't nobody sweeter and kinder than who we were then, or nobody more honest and loving than who we are now. All we ever wanted was someone to help a little boy feel loved for who he was.....just for being.....like everyone derserves. Only some people don't ever get that. They're the truly injured ones. They're the ones who can never understand. And no matter how many of 'em get me, and how many people tell me that hole can never be filled. I ain't never given' up, Eddie. Not 'till I die. Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#186651 - 10/12/07 01:09 AM Re: A Broken Boy [Re: Bobby]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Thanks, guys, I appreciate you hearing me with this. It means a lot to me.

_________________________
Eddie

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#189713 - 11/02/07 05:53 PM Re: A Broken Boy [Re: EGL]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Eddie,

Hold onto this thought:

Originally Posted By: EGL
hearing me with this.


It really is all about that: listening to a brother's poem as an expression of who he is. The poem means nothing without Eddie, but everything with him.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#189730 - 11/02/07 08:12 PM Re: A Broken Boy [Re: EGL]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11033
Loc: Denver, CO
Quote:
You had no right, Dave.
No right.


Damn right, he didn't!

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#189736 - 11/02/07 08:43 PM Re: A Broken Boy [Re: FormerTexan]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6380
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I wish Dave could read that!

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#189748 - 11/02/07 09:46 PM Re: A Broken Boy [Re: Still]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Rob,

Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown
I wish Dave could read that!


Your post made me smile because it brought to mind a very cool image: 16 yo Eddie and 5-6 of us from the site showing up at Dave's door. Eddie reads his poem and then says to Dave: "My friends here will now explain to you what that poem means..." \:\)

Much clobbering,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
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