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#186058 - 10/09/07 10:58 PM Can someone please tell me this
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
I've just got to know, is the rollercoaster of recovery as bad as, or worse than, the rollercoaster BEFORE recovery even begins?????? B/c if it's worse, oh, man.....

Please, please tell me it is hardest before the survivor can talk about his abuse, that it gets better once he understands along w/ his partner the effects and so on?

Still hanging onto the uncertainty of "will we ever get there (recovery)."

\:\(

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#186071 - 10/09/07 11:28 PM Re: Can someone please tell me this [Re: Brokenhearted]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16263
For me.....

The roller coaster after the shit hit the fan was much worse than the ignorance before, but........ Even during the worst of it I NEVER wanted to go back to the way it was before.

That has been my experience and may not match that of other guys.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#186072 - 10/09/07 11:28 PM Re: Can someone please tell me this [Re: Brokenhearted]
violet Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 118
Loc: US
Brokenhearted, please check your PM's i fyou're still online.

V.

_________________________
I was silent as a child, and silenced as a young woman; I am taking my lumps and bumps for being a big mouth, now, but usually from those whose opinion I don't respect. - Sandra Cisneros

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#186073 - 10/09/07 11:33 PM Re: Can someone please tell me this [Re: violet]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
The question is, is life without any ups better than a life without any downs. The answer is it's no life at all.

I'll take the pain Broken, then at least I get the ups too.

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#186081 - 10/09/07 11:55 PM Re: Can someone please tell me this *DELETED* [Re: mogigo]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Post deleted by ttoon

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#186087 - 10/10/07 12:12 AM Re: Can someone please tell me this [Re: ttoon]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
I look at mine like the Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point....0 to 120 MPH in less than 4 seconds....straight up in the air with a twist 90 degree angle....425 feet then 90 degress straight back down at 120 MPH....loop that...thats what recovery is at times.

But eventually the ride gets easier and eventually i think we can get off at some point.

[/img]http://www.rcdb.com/ig1896.htm?picture=41[/img]



Edited by pain4ever (10/10/07 12:22 AM)
_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#186093 - 10/10/07 12:31 AM Re: Can someone please tell me this *DELETED* [Re: pain4ever]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Post deleted by ttoon

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#186390 - 10/10/07 11:49 PM Re: Can someone please tell me this [Re: ttoon]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
You guys make me laugh...but also thank you for the positive side of it "getting worse" after ignorance.

If you please, may I ask one more? Just what IS it that "hits the fan"? Is it the realization that half your life has been lived w/o feeling it or something like that? Or that a lot of self-loathing/self-shame could have been lessened if only you had understood sooner that the shame never even belonged to you?

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#186392 - 10/10/07 11:54 PM Re: Can someone please tell me this [Re: Brokenhearted]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7819
Quote:
"What is it that hits the fan?"


For me, it was the inability to continue the charade that was my so called "life" - no longer pretending I was "normal", no longer being able to keep secrets buried inside, and generally just have a total meltdown. My wife was very concerned because she thought I was really losing my sanity and that I was going to need to "go away" (hospitalized) for a while to get better. It was a pretty hard smackdown.

_________________________
Eddie

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#186404 - 10/11/07 12:50 AM Re: Can someone please tell me this [Re: Brokenhearted]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16263
Quote:
Just what IS it that "hits the fan"?


The fact that I had wasted 40 years hiding and living a limited life when in reality the world was available at my fingertips and I didn't even know it. I didn't have a clue.

The fact that my life was lived believing I was not good enough, that I wasn't capable of great things.

The fact that I didn't have a dream. I didn't know how. My dream had been stolen from me and I didn't even know it.

And to top it all off, the fact that what I had experienced at the hands of older people who I had thought were my friends was actually SEXUAL ABUSE!

and

The fact that what I had experienced at the hands of my parents had actually been physical abuse as well as emotional neglect and abuse.

It all came crashing down on me.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#186458 - 10/11/07 07:51 AM Re: Can someone please tell me this [Re: WalkingSouth]
Agape Girl Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/25/07
Posts: 120
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Thank you Gentleman........I needed to know that.

Have a GREAT DAY!!!

always,
Kelly

_________________________
AGAPE'
means selfless love of one person for another
without sexual implications
(especially love that is spiritual in nature)

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#186460 - 10/11/07 07:55 AM Re: Can someone please tell me this [Re: WalkingSouth]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: walkingsouth

It all came crashing down on me.



It's still crashing down on me.

Thank you for this post.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#186577 - 10/11/07 07:10 PM Re: Can someone please tell me this [Re: BJK]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Thanks, guys, all of you, for opening my eyes to your world even more.

You know, it's funny, now I almost wonder why I should be in such a hurry for him to get to the recovery zone. I want his life to be lived w/ emotions and feelings and noticing the good things in his life, but yet maybe in a way "ignorance IS bliss" for now......I will be more patient now, and I will be there for him when he crashes.

Thank you again. I've been coming here for over a yr and I still am learning new things every day, and it helps me to understand my H. what he is going through, and what is ahead for him.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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