First, i'm not looking to debate anyone about the existence or non-existence, or partial existence of God, or "a god" or someone elses god.

i have a deep belief in the traditional God of the Christian Bible.

in therapy i have worked on my abuse at the hands of my dad, abandonment by my mother, acting out in adulthood...
i have recently begun to explore the lack of intimacy with my wife (whom I love with all my heart)...

my therapist believes i have a lack of trust and i am angry with God.

through several sessions of therapy discussing all of this, it is clear that i trust NO ONE! i am talking about the trust to expose my heart and worth to another...i truly feel that, given the chance (one that i allowed) my wife would get rid of me and doesn't truly love me...she asures me it isn't the case...
i have tried to convince myself to allow myself to be vulnerable to her and tell myself that she isn't "out to get me" the next time we have any type of altercation...but, even the prospect of doing that, makes a voice inside me SCREAM "NO...YOU CAN'T DO THAT...YOU WILL GET HURT AGAIN"...

it is part of my being, it is in every fiber of me...placed there and nurtured throughout my childhood...

so....what does all that have to do with the "subject" of this post? without consciously considering it...i now realize i am angry with God and i don't trust even Him...

i prayed to Him every night, before abuse, after abuse...during the neglect, hunger, beatings, year after year after year...to stop it, take me, kill my dad, SOMETHING to rescue me...

nothing came or happened to change it...and i, little buzz, am still angry and wondering why he wasn't worth beign saved from that hell.

this is causing me great conflict...how can i be angry at my God, THE God of all creation...of all time...HE's GOD! I don't have a right to be angry with GOD!

What do i do with this...?

VERY sad and VERY confused.

Buzz

I was raised with knowledge and belief of God of the Bible. I was also taught it was alright to be angry with Him. His word even says we can be angry, but not to sin in that anger, or let the sun go down on wrath.

I argue with Him, plead with Him, yell at Him. In all things HONEST with Him (or try to be).

He knows our hearts - to not show that anger would be like trying to hide - and that doesn't work.

my opinion - but it's what I truly believe.

M

Brother buzz,

I just went to a Bible study tonight. My pastor alluded to what you are talking about. He refers to our Heavenly Father as "Daddy" because the Bible talks about us calling him "Abba Father", which pretty much means Daddy. How much more personal can we get than that. He wants us to come to him and sit on His lap and talk to Him because He loves us.

However, I know exactly what you are talking about, too. My father was an alcoholic, a mean degrading alcoholic among other things that, well, I don't want to get into. With that in mind, I was asked one time many years ago to describe what my image of what the Heavenly Father looks like. The very first image that came to my mind was one who was mean, angry, punitive, abusive, degrading, judgmental and one who had big, red eyes. It was one I was very afraid of. It was one where, the only "relationship" that I could ever have with Him was one from afar based on hurt and fear. Not one where I could ever actually talk to Him about anything. As I processed this concept, it was the de>

Buzz

This is a difficult subject for most of us. But I have come to the conclusion that it does not matter to God, He understands. I mean we can not hide anything from Him even if we tried too, so He knows.

I have started to compare my relationship with God to my relationship with my two beautiful boys. Sometimes they are angry at me or me at them but that does not mean that I love them any less. They still mean the world to me. Sometimes they say something that hurt me but I still love them. Sometimes I can not protect them from getting hurt but that does not mean they love me any less, even if they are angry at me. There had been numerous discussions in here about why God didnt intervene in our lives. I still believe it comes back to Him not taking away our or our perps choices - but that is a debate that has been thoroughly talked about.

All I can say is that from my own life I know that I am still angry at God sometimes. But my relationship with Him is getting stronger and somehow because I dont concentrate on the anger and even hate towards Him it gets better. By spending more and more time in His Word and having a personal relationship with Him it changes us. I had one or two scream sessions at God where I told Him exactly what I thought of Him not intervening or helping me. I expected lightning to strike me any time especially after the things I said to Him - I mean He is the Almighty God - but, coming back to my relationship with my children - He is also My father. He understands andHe knows us better than we know ourselves.

I just want to encourage you my brother. It gets better. Even there it is a relationship and relationships goes up and down, have good times and bad. But just remember - He IS always there and He does understand.

So my question to you is : Can you love your children/wife, but be angry at them too? I guess that provides you with an answer to your original quastion.

Buzz,

I have a perspective here that I think you may be interested in. My short answer to your question is "Yes" you can love God and be angry at him too.

In fact I'd go so far ad to say he welcomes the anger that comes from an honest heart. 4 years ago when the shit hit the fan for me and all the memories began to surface, I went through several months of anger at God and I told him about it all. I unloaded. Through that time I learned that God had BIG shoulders and can handle our anger. He's willing to take that anger and in turn show us his loving concern and care. He's shown me that in spite of what happened to Little John he is in the process of turning it into something beautiful. He's showing me that by sharing my story with others I can give them hope that life can change for them as well.

Oh, I still get angry on occasion (like last night), and when I do I tell him about it, but he doesn't mind at all.

Lots of love,

John

yes you can be buzz and I think it's important to allow yourself the permission to do so.

I think honestly we all do. I think it's impossible not to.

It's ok buzz.

Mark

first, thank you guys for your thoughts on this. you have helped me.
i do see the correlation between me as a father to my children, God as my father, my kids get angry with me but still love me...same goes with God.

now, i guess it really is a trust issue...i gotta decide if i'm gonna go on trusting Him...or did i ever really in the first place...and if not, do i now?

i just don't feel strong in any direction about anything any more...

thanks friends...

buzz

Hi Buzz,

I'll give you the short answer first, which is "Yes" - you can be angry with God, yet still love Him. I have been that way many times, as have many of the other guys above.

Now, the longer answer. My own spiritual story is that I was not raised in the church as a child. I have a very vague recollection of going to church when I was about 5, but we just stopped going about that point. But what I do remember is being told that God makes everything - He makes it rain, He makes the flowers and the trees, He provides our food, etc. Basically, that He is in control of everything. So, in my childlike mind I'm sure you can see what my thought processes were when my father was beating me, or my brother was molesting me, or all the other crap that happened. For so long, I wondered why God was making all that happen to me.

I was 23 before I realized that I needed God in my life. And it was because I knew that there was something bigger than myself in this world and I didn't have the power within myself to handle it alone. I'm 46 now, so I have spent half my life in a relationship with God. I can't imagine now how I managed to make it to the age of 23 without Him. It just seems like such a foreign concept that He was never in my life.

I think I'm rambling off topic here. I made my peace with God over the past a long time ago, Buzz. It wasn't His fault. If anything, I know that He grieved over what happened to me, just like He grieved so when you were being abused. It was not what He wanted to happen to me or you at all.

((Hey Buzz))

Army here, just a few thougths. God is trustworthy, its people who have the freedom of choice. Unfortuantly, our dad's choose to abuse us. God didn't make that choice. God did help us to get here today. All our crying out to him was heard, and we have been getting help. It may not have been the way we wanted or the way we thought it should look but here we are. Kinda like what

Psalm 33:18-22 says: "Behold the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, On those who hope for His lovingkindness, To deliver their soul from death, and to keep them alive in famine. Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart rejoices in Him because we trust in His holy name. Let Thy lovingkindness O Lord be upon us, according as we have hoped in Thee.

Buzz all your life you have hoped in the Lord. He really hasn't let you down. He has been faithful. He is so faithful, he will wait for you.

Your friend and brother,

Army

Hi, Buzz,

Me again. I wanted to paste the following song lyrics here for you to the song called "Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)" by Chris Tomlin. I love this song (made me cry first time I heard it) and it summarizes for me the absolute beauty of a relationship with God. We have been set free.


Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace


The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine

You are forever mine