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#183284 - 09/29/07 01:28 AM dirty
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
dirty are the thoughts that I think
dirty are the words that I say
dirty are the looks that are given to me
dirty are the feelings I feel

looking at me do you see
the grime on my face - it stings
i try to get clean but it fails
all that it does is cut skin

as you hold me down
i want to get free
as you hurt me
i want to be loved
as you pull me
i have no release
i know that with me
somethings wrong deep inside

wish for the tears to flow out
wish for the pain to be gone
wish for a feeling thats clean
wish for forgetting of me

can you belive what you do to me
does your conscence bend the truth
dont think that ill ever get over this
dont think ill never catch you up

as i lay here
i want to run
as it hits me
i have nowhere to go
as you stretch me
i dont budge an inch
you dont understand
what youve done to this face

can you let me feel
what i need to be
can you let me touch
something still left clean
everything you touch
turns to blood and pain
nothing can help
all you are is filth
stop it with public lies
they will never know a thing
i know why you wear a mask
you know i want to rip out your eyes
let me bathe and drink
the blood that you have taken from me
these twisted things youve done
cant you let me die

cant you let me die

dirty the things that i want
dirty the needs of my soul
dirty the wants of my heart
dirty the blood of my soul

dirty the blood of my soul

_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




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#183468 - 09/29/07 08:22 PM Re: dirty [Re: nicky]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Nicky,

Oh man, how this reminds me of how I felt when I was a boy. I used to love getting into my bed when my Mom had made it up with fresh sheets - it smelled so wonderful. Then the abuse started and it felt dirty with me in it - always.

But that was just another false lesson taught by abuse. There was never anything wrong with us, and everything dirty about the way we feel now came from what someone else did.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#185911 - 10/09/07 03:48 PM Re: dirty [Re: roadrunner]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Nicky -

dirty the things that i want
dirty the needs of my soul
dirty the wants of my heart
dirty the blood of my soul

Man can I empathize with that - I too feel so dirty in what happened to me and how I reacted to it. And I can't understand about how I reacted to the abuse without also feeling that the abuse was not my fault.

Great piece of work!



Edited by kellygtx (10/09/07 03:49 PM)
_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#185914 - 10/09/07 04:02 PM Re: dirty [Re: nicky]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: nicky
wish for the tears to flow out
wish for the pain to be gone
wish for a feeling thats clean
wish for forgetting of me


yeah, i think i can empathise here. i ache for you, my brother-in-recovery.

M


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