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#185699 - 10/08/07 06:22 PM What do you think about this?
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
What do you all think about this idea?

I know y’all always say not to push or expect a survivor to “get it” that he’s a survivor when he reads an article or book about survivor issues. I don’t think I’m being too pushy b/c it’s been over a year since we confronted his abuse issue. He doesn’t much like to talk about it to this day, but I’m thinking of emailing him an article that was in an MS post once, about the long-term effects of abuse on a person that a person may not even realize. It is one that several survivors had said was one of the best and most profound articles on abuse they had read. Anyway, doesn’t a survivor feel at least, along w/ some anxiety, some *relief* that there is a reason for these unique characteristics and to know that he’s not alone and that it can be healed?

I thought if he would read it, he might finally “see” that, indeed, there are reasons he is different and there are things about him that are not “normal” or at least not as right as they should or could be. I just want him to realize this finally so we can finally be on the same level and see that this is impeding our relationship so we can work on it. I want him to trust me to be beside him as he deals, and maybe we’ll finally have a connection of true closeness. I think that would be good for both of us, no?

Also, do survivors usually begin to talk about their abuse once they realize it affects them (perhaps from something they've read)? I really wish mine would be open to sharing w/ me not necessarily details but just feel relieved that he can talk to me and maybe just about "it" in general, like "Wow, I didn't know "It" was such a big deal." It would be something we could talk about and might draw us closer, since he hardly talks about anything anyway, except work. \:\(

So….I’ll just wait for your replies.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#185803 - 10/09/07 03:09 AM Re: What do you think about this? [Re: Brokenhearted]
childsplay4 Offline


Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 42
Loc: USA
Dear Brokenhearted,
Although my boyfriend disclosed his abuse to me over a year ago, he did not see it as a problem in his life till I emailed him posts from the F&F forum where people were having the same problems that we had been having, without telling him the source.
He acknowledged that many of the scenarios sounded just like the two of us.
( I had just done a search for "Rollercoaster", and copied and pasted many of the results)
He made it a priority to get help. I had found him a T that specialized in CSA. Very soon after that he finally moved out of his parents apartment, got his own place, and things were really looking up!
We are still on the rollercoaster, however.
Good Luck to you!
cp4
PS Wish I was as good at expressing myself as you are. Not too good with the written word!


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#186051 - 10/09/07 10:52 PM Re: What do you think about this? [Re: childsplay4]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
childsplay4 thank you for sharing that w/ me. I guess I wish I were as smart as you, not revealing the source or what all the many of his symptoms were of ("abuse") b/c immediately he got scared away from reading anything I had for him.

Interesting idea. Maybe I could still find a way to do it, share some very similar posts of what we're going through, b/c it is amazing how similar all of our lives are on here b/c of abuse.

Thanks again.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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