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#185761 - 10/08/07 09:30 PM When he asks WHY I love him.......
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Hi again,

Got another question for anyone willing to take a stab. My husband always, when I say "I like you" or "I love you", asks, "Why?" or just says "I don't know why...." And it seems that no matter what I say it does not matter. I try to tell him in detail so many reasons or because he's my husband or "because I do."

From survivors' points of view, what would be a "good answer" on my part? Or is there even one at all? I am getting tired of not knowing what magic words he needs to hear.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#185768 - 10/08/07 10:40 PM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: Brokenhearted]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
How about:

"Because I couldn't imagine life without you."

I don't think there is a correct answer to this question. It is his self-esteem talking when he says something like that.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#185769 - 10/08/07 10:51 PM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: BJK]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Thank you, Bryan, excellent answer - I like it, a LOT.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#185771 - 10/08/07 10:52 PM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: Brokenhearted]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
i got this one once and it made me melt...

"Because you are everything I ever wanted and more"

Corney huh?

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#185782 - 10/08/07 11:16 PM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: Brokenhearted]
LadyLuck Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/24/07
Posts: 9
Loc: Maryland
You might have to really sit and reflect on why you DO love him. It's very hard to articulate feelings that deep, but we do what we must in spite of how hard the task might be.

I know in my own case, it's one of those "it is because it is" situations. I honestly believe that certain people are meant to meet one another for a bevy of reasons. When you get that feeling as though this other person makes you more than you were before... it's an important relationship that should be nurtured and protected. That's how I feel. He makes me BETTER. I can tell him anything, even if it's something horrible or embarrassing (or both), and know that he'll only be supportive and honest with me.

It's like loving your own arm or leg. You love it because it's a part of you, you need it to function. It's like loving oxygen and water, because you need them to live. We don't often connect the things we NEED with the things we LOVE, but it's something we should all take a closer look at. We love the people we love because they are as necessary, as vital as every other element that keeps us ticking. The people we love make each day worth getting up for, they are more important than ourselves. We would and will and do fight for them tooth and nail and NO ONE is going to hurt them so long as there is breath in our lungs.

Maybe that's a selfish way of looking at it, but I've never been ashamed to admit that I'm a selfish person.

I hope that helps. If not, it felt good to write.

See? Selfish. lol



Edited by LadyLuck (10/08/07 11:17 PM)

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#185825 - 10/09/07 09:03 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: LadyLuck]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Brokenhearted,

When I was in therapy for my 6 week inpatient stay I was on the phone with my wife and I asked her that same question - "Why do you love me?" and her answer was very simple. "Because you are my soulmate. It is not by chance that we are together. We were destined to find each other." That meant everything in the workld to me at that time, and still does.

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#185849 - 10/09/07 10:21 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: kellygtx]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
brokenhearted,
when BF asks me that, i would tell him over and over but he didn't believe me. Finally, I just said, "Because God has brought us together and who am i to argue with God?" He would just smile. We are soul mates too. sometimes you need to believe when others around you cannot. I told BF that very thing.
M:)

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

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#186422 - 10/11/07 02:18 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: Brokenhearted]
Cidnie Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 113
Loc: SFC, CA
Broken--I'm sure your husband isn't the first to ask those questions. Hell, I ask them all the time. It's a knee-jerk survivor inquiry, I suppose...

As far as the appropriate response, maybe there isn't one. Though it may help to understand why he asks. It's not vanity, not because he wants to hear you say 'because you're absolutely perfect and wonderful!' but because he probably genuinely can't understand why anyone would love him.

It's a deep seeded and well-known issue that survivors have difficulties accepting their own worth in general, especially in regards to others. Generally, this feeling is unjustified, though it is real, nonetheless.

Honestly? Regardless of what you say he's likely to take it with a grain of salt. It takes a lot of affirmation for a survivor to trust mere words. However, not being able to come up with a response can be pretty disastrous. Be honest. Think about this sincerely. Maybe make a list of the reasons 'why'. Offer them even when he doesn't ask. Be persistent, but acknowledge his fears and issues of self-worth. And above all, make sure you back it up with actions.

I, personally, like LadyLuck's response, but hey ;).

_________________________
There is nothing natural about maturity in the physically immature. Maturity comes with wisdom, and wisdom comes with pain. Those of us with the greatest minds have endured the greatest torments.

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#186442 - 10/11/07 06:07 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... *DELETED* [Re: Cidnie]
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
Post deleted by nicky

_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




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#186582 - 10/11/07 07:17 PM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: nicky]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Wow. You all are helping me out here!

Ok, well, once I did make him a list of "100 Things I Love about You" and I spent a great deal of thought and detail on it. I gave it to him in his bday card over a yr ago.

I do believe we are soulmates, that somehow he was brought to me from across the world (he's from Europe) and God put us together as a match. I am a very compassionate/patient person, he has been abused. I think we are good for each other.

I'm so sad about all of it, his not being able to believe he's worth anyone's love. I'm just so sick about it and sorry for him and all survivors. It makes me furious AND heartsick.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#186709 - 10/12/07 12:37 PM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: Brokenhearted]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I,too aks the very same question to my wife to be..."why do you love me so much" and she always says "because you are all i have ever wanted in a man and more"....that gives me butterflies yet i still ask her and i can't explain why although i'm sure it has an awful lot to do with my self-esteem.

You love your husband however from what i can see he knows it yet questions why....being a surivior myself i never knew what true love was,now i do and it feels so right and damn good....i can only say be consistent when you say " i love you " and before you know it,or you may never know,he could for example say..." i know you do" ....it's a start or he may say nothing but at the very least telling him he's a loveable man will go a long way therefore love is everything not just the word alone....COMMITMENT comes to mind no matter what whenever i hear " i love you "....

Hope i helped you otherwise i tried....


Coopstah



Edited by thecoopstah (10/12/07 12:38 PM)
_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#186855 - 10/13/07 12:20 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: thecoopstah]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
You bet, Coopstah, my commitment is strong and has survived a lot including infidelities. Eventually he'll just have to be convinced that this is real love.

A few months ago when I told him I loved him, he said, "I don't feel it...I'm sorry, I don't feel anything." I took it to mean he didn't feel any love for me or feel anything for ME, which it *could* mean, I guess, which is terribly painful to hear after 15 yrs of marriage. But maybe I got it all wrong and maybe he only meant that he just does not feel (i.e. believe?) my love for him.

He has said "I know you do" a few times more recently which is good, but it's said within a sigh so that I know he still doesn't feel it.

I just wish he'd get his feelings back......and I guess that won't happen, right, until he has the meltdown or whatever?

I'm still learning...sometimes I feel this stuff is so over my head still, though.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#186886 - 10/13/07 08:47 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: Brokenhearted]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
BH,

The only "feeling" my b/f acknowledges without hesitation is sadness. The rest is there - I'm quite sure of it - but he won't or can't acknowledge their existence. I've seen other emotions in him, I know it's there but perhaps they're too fleeting for him to recognize and maybe thinking about it, in his mind, negates them. Who knows - not me for sure. I say I love you, but not as often as the words come to my head because he's so uncomfortable. I wrote him a love letter, years ago, telling him why and thanking him for being in my life. This was long before all hell broke loose, so he can't think I did it to make him feel better. He's asked me why a couple of times but when I've started to tell him, I hear a soft "stop." That hurts. He wants to know and I want to tell him, but saying nice things to him, about him, upsets him - go figure!

I know that most of time he's glad I'm around, so that's what I'm running with for now.

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#186893 - 10/13/07 09:11 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... *DELETED* [Re: Trish4850]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Post deleted by ttoon

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#186894 - 10/13/07 09:23 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: ttoon]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Dave, when you said, "Because to say I love you, expecting or demanding a like response...is a manipulation...and survivors are very sensitive to manipulation."
I understand this concept, I really do...but to have the person I love respond with a cold or uncaring "flat" sort of reply would leave me feeling greatly insecure. My feel about declaring love for one another has nothing to do with manipulation but more so an announcement to the whole world that "hey, this man here is "it," he's the everything, the spring in my step when I walk and I want him to know this...to understand the magnitude of how much he means to me. To reply in any other way in response seems to me more of a manipulation from the survivor. I take it as throwing a power trip because they can to cause hurt to the person who is putting themself out there with such a declaration.
If my husband did this to me, I would stop offering him my heart in such an expressive statement. To hurt someone you love even in what may appear to be a subtle way, is not too cool at all.
Sorry if this comes across as harsh. It's just the way I see it.
S-n-S

_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#186897 - 10/13/07 09:29 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... *DELETED* [Re: sweet-n-sour]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Post deleted by ttoon



Edited by ttoon (10/13/07 09:30 AM)
_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#186898 - 10/13/07 09:43 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: ttoon]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Uhm..."I understand you might not be able to accept that I love you right now. But I do...and because I feel it, it is important for me to say it."

Hey Dave - I've said almost the exact words - with a smile on my face and a hug and a kiss to go along with it. He understands or at least tolerates my need to express my love with words. So, as I said, most of time he's glad I'm around, so that's what I'm running with for now.

Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#189776 - 11/03/07 04:35 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: Trish4850]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Speaking of course only for myself, there are many facets of my personality that could be driving the question in a given situation. In life it's usually some messy combination of these, but for exposition's sake i'll keep them distinct.

There's my "mr. spock" side, which tends toward the coldly analytical perspective, treating "love" as a by-product of a conscious mind filtering biological imperatives, which are in turn driven by natural selection. Humans are social creatures- empathetic individuals are more likely to be altruistic individuals, and altruistic individuals are more likely to place their social group's needs over their own in a crisis, thereby increasing the chances of their group's survival through the crisis.
Sociopaths don't make good soldiers or caregivers, and die younger on average; there's a reason why the estimated % of the general population (for lifetime risk of ASPD) is at 5.8 for males and 1.2 for females. Therefore that side of me is interested in the degree of empathy shown by the response to the question, as well as being an indirect method of eliciting the respondent's personal conception/interpretation of "love", which bypasses self-censoring.

Another side of me is of course the one described well by other posts here, the perspective of seeing "love" as something others may be worthy of, but not me. This is the guy who is determined to save you from me, and by persisting in contradicting or opposing him, you increase the likelihood of being percieved as foolish or willfully ignorant, which often results in words or actions designed to "prove you wrong", and drive you off.(Note: 3rd person perspective is being used here as a therapeutic tool, where i'm attempting to reinforce the idea of this side of myself as being a a false concept resulting from my abuse, rather than a valid core identity)

Of course, that framework isn't that distant from another facet/perspective, which interprets existence as a sort of cruel joke, with any positive feeling such as love or hope simply being another set-up for the punchline, which is simply "WRONG AGAIN!" In this context, "Why do you love me?" is being filtered as "Why do you torment me?"

Then there is my "ashamed little boy" side; the side you might see if nothing else has succeeded in pushing you away, the side of me that can still hope, and feel, and "wear his heart on his sleeve"- the shaky small voice who would ask in genuine and grateful incredulity, either in the midst of tears or after:
"Why do you love me?"

The answer he's still trying to truly be able to hear?

"Because you are."



_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#189780 - 11/03/07 08:16 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: dgoods]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
dgoods,

As usual, a very enlightening post. Can I ask, are you a teacher, a professor, a philosopher, a writer? Your thoughts and words are always so expressive yet very easy to understand.

As for the "Because you are" answer it's a lovely thought and one that is absolutely deserving of a child from a parent or one in a parent role, but I don't believe it applies to an adult relationship. These are fostered on a completely different level. Two adults meet on the street or at dinner or at a function or where ever and not everyone falls in love. It's some connection between two people that leads to the adult relationship. That relationship needs to be tended to very carefully in order to flourish and both people need to be doing it for the relationship to survive.

My b/f is a great guy. He's caring of others, funny, smart, ambitious, he knows when to have fun and when it's time to work. He's gentle and loving; he cares and watches out for me and mine, he plays with the dog and takes good care of her, he shows others and most especially me that we matter. That's what I fell in love with. I didn't fall for him, just because he exists. I fell in love with him and continue to love him because he completes my world *jeez, wasn't that a movie line * but it's true. My life is better for having him in it, bumps and bruises included.

ROCK ON........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#189785 - 11/03/07 10:52 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: Trish4850]
Kathryn Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 303


First, I agree with Trish re. dgoods \:\)

Secondly, I agree with both dgoods and Trish re. why we love someone -- at least sometimes and with some people. Perhaps adult love begins, and often ends, because that person contributes positive things to our own lives. And when the positives are outweighed by the negative we cease to love.

But sometimes even when the negatives outweigh the positives we go on loving even if the romantic relationship ends, and even if, due to whatever, the relationship itself ends. I don't know, I used to think and feel more like Trish. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe as we get older our capacity to love just because the other exists gets stronger. Maybe having a child and loving our children in this shows us that perhaps more people are worthy of this kind of love -- or maybe simply that we're capable of it.

Katie


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#189812 - 11/03/07 01:15 PM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: Trish4850]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
I'll address the 2nd thing first:
No argument about there being differences between a parent/child relationship and one between two adults. Maybe the first instance of what i was getting at, that someone would think of, would be a parent/child relationship, but i was thinking in terms of "beyond that" i guess- it can be between any two individuals to me- siblings, couples, best friends, an adult child to a parent- that answer can only really be given *by* an adult, and in a non-parental context, it's not so much a "constant", as it is maybe just a single moment or two over the course of the relationship, but i was trying to get at a connection that is characterized by a sense of awe and recognition, that is not defined by role, but transcends it- just one conscious living being truly seeing another, as a fellow-traveler on the path from birth to death. As people often will remind others that these posts or chats are "just words on a screen", so too is life, in terms of any of us only being able to "know" anything by our 5 senses, and having that raw input processed through the ever-increasingly complex filters of our "thinking" minds; we are all trapped within our own "prison of the flesh", so to speak.

But this brief flash of recognition, however short and subject to fading, is that of a feeling of knowing, rather than supposing, that you are not alone, in the deeper sense of it. It is learning all at once that you are real, the other is real, life is real, the universe is real, beyond any subjective lens or filter; we can't bear up under the intensity of this and stay sane and functioning for long at all, so even the raw memory fades quickly, and the difficulties and ordinariness of life rush in again in a heartbeat. But all it takes is once, in the sense of of, say, intercepting th ET equivalent of old Howdy Doody broadcasts would forever change our collective definition of life and intelligence. That is what love is to me. I have felt this at an older friend's deathbed, during a sudden emergency at sea, with a g/f, with my grandfather, etc. When i say "i love you", i'm not looking at the window dressing: of age, height, weight, gender, relation to me, personality type, race, religion, taste in clothes, whatever. I love you for the "you" that exists independent of qualifiers; i love you because you are. This doesn't mean i won't argue w/ you, get pissed off at you, or walk around drooling like some blissed-out cult zombie- i may end up having to stay away from you entirely, depending on where life takes us- that connection may never happen again, or become buried under dysfunction, but the fact of its happening is never erased. With romantic couples, there's often a delusion that this connection should happen all the time, or that it's "supposed to be simultaneous" or some other crap like that, but things usually don't work out that way; there's more people, or couples that it never happens for at all, or only happens for one.

The love i speak of can't be "fallen into" or "fallen out of", it simply is. I can grieve over the death of someone close, or the breakup of a relationship, or be furious at a friend or relative's horrible choices, but i still love them for being, not being this or that, or doing this or that.

"...love him because he completes my world"
Notice how immediately embarrassed you got right after typing that- you got very self-conscious. But first of all, that's evidence of having had that brief flash where the "window dressing" was as nothing to you. there's qualifying words in between the "I" and the "love him", but you weren't able to interject anything between "love" and "him". "You love him"- not in the "stark" sense of because he IS, the way a toaster oven IS; of course that's ridiculous. You love him because he IS, and you love him because HE is; the HE that's ageless and sexless, not the ever-shifting daily summary of words or acts that inform your perception of how he defines himself.
I sincerely hope the following doesn't happen, but 6 months from now some change in perception or circumstance could lead to a nasty break-up, complete with mutual pain, bitterness and recrimination, and you could spend weeks walking around feeling empty inside, like you were hit by a truck, not knowing what to believe anymore. Let's say you eventually move on, regain your self-confidence, and connect with somone else. Fast-forward 20 years- so much has happened since you even last thought of him, you haven't been able to devote any energy to remember to resent the outcome of the relationship.Upon reflection, you feel badly for your younger self as well as his.One day get a phone call, he's been in an accident, and has only a short time left, and wants to make amends and say goodbye, before the inevitable. You're at a loss for words- it's been so long, the pain of your break-up comes back to memory, yet your life since then has been such, that you cannot know if it all really wasn't meant to happen that way, and you know that the brief connection you made, however fleeting, was real, and the bitterness had faded long ago.

You go to the hospital, and find he is heavily drugged up and intubated, speaking is out of the question. He stirs, sees you- your eyes meet, he squeezes your hand briefly; and the agony of his injuries, the massive amount of drugs in him, the ugliness and pain of your parting ways, the years and events that have passed since last you looked upon him and loved him without words- all these things seem to whirl away as transparent illusion- you simply love him because he is.

Enough about that, i've probably come off like a loon already, but- (i'm copying your post, i still can't believe you actually wondered seriously about this, i'm flattered to death)
I'm a laid-off blue-collar guy who barely graduated high school on time, i just do a lot of reading and thinking, and i tend to take a long time w/ a post or reply- i preview and edit a lot, to make sure a reader doesn't have to trip over too too much to get to my point. (Garsh, i'm still blushing )

*took so long to write, i see another reply got in there*
...C'mon Katie- my head won't fit through the door now, it's so swollen...



Edited by dgoods (11/03/07 01:23 PM)
_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#189826 - 11/03/07 03:04 PM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: dgoods]
Kathryn Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 303


dgoods,

Yep to the spirit of what you said. It's a pretty profound feeling.

You deserve a bigger door.

K.


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#189828 - 11/03/07 03:07 PM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: Kathryn]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Awwww..
lemme go get my sawzall now \:\)

thanks...

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#189852 - 11/03/07 06:24 PM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: dgoods]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
You're not a loon dgoods, a hopeless romantic maybe, but that's not a bad thing; it's very sweet. I understand what you're saying and for those of us who have had "that moment" every word of what you've said rings true. I have been one of the lucky ones, several times, my marriage, which has been over for 20 years, and 2 loves after that, including now. I don't give my heart easily, but when I do, it is wholeheartedly so I suppose that is why I've had that "moment." You're also right that if any of those past loves called for me in a crisis, I would answer the call because what we shared is not erased by whatever it was that caused the end of our relationship.

But in relation to BH's question, saying to someone "just because you are," would probably be met with confusion and require further explanation, which, at least in my b/f's case, is not an option. Quite honestly, if such a statement were said to me, I'd probably shake my head and say wwwwwwhat!? I'd like something tangible please.

Please don't take this as me saying you're wrong, I don't believe you are, not one little bit. But, seeing as it took you a long time to write your answer, imagine the struggle to verbalize all those words to someone who does/yet does not want the answer?

As to you, maybe you could take some of that layoff time and start a new career. You have a great gift for writing and I'm not just blowing smoke or feeding you gray donuts!

Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#189887 - 11/04/07 04:59 AM Re: When he asks WHY I love him....... [Re: Trish4850]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
ROTFL Trish! I guess you read that "self-honesty" reply \:\)
Thanks for the supportive words. That's true, there's a big difference between the spontaneity of a RL conversation, and having the luxury of taking your time w/ a post reply. I've been told often i'm the last person to see something that was in front of my face, whether good or bad...

Hopeless romantic, yeah. I guess one of the aspects of the site i appreciate so much is that opportunity to be myself w/o having to worry about pre-formed opinions, or being eyed in terms of some hidden agenda- i can "relax" enough to give my inner thoughts a voice.
My apologies to BH if it seems like the thread got hijacked, i really was just trying to answer the question as best i could.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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