have had a bad weekend...sickness and all the stuff going on here...turmoil within extended family...trying to decide whether to move or not...but then, a ray of light...

my husband has started reading victims no longer. he was only supposed to read one chapter, but he's read about three, i believe. we talked a little about it, but mostly he just wanted to think about it for awhile. BIG step for him.

he was pretty struck by the dissociation. he didn't know what it was called. do non-survivors normally dissociate?

i know everyone is feeling disallusioned here right now, so i wanted to share something very positive that has come from my support from this community.

V.

Dear V:

Thanks for sharing this with us! This is a very positive step forward, yes?

Best wishes,
S-n-S

Violet -

Good news indeed. Disassociation is I think fairly common with abuse survivors. I can speak from experience when I say it made the pian bearable. It also made other self-destructive behaviors easier to continue - just let go and get lost in you own mind.

Post deleted by ttoon

Hi V, nice to hear from you. Glad your husband is reading and doing what he needs to do to help himself. The only way I could get thru my abuse was to disassociate. A big part of my healing was to go back in time, remember the specific abuse that occurred, express the resulting feelings (fear, pain, anger, sadness) and then move on to the next one. I am aware that there is a form of art therapy that can be real helpful in finding and expressing some of the old events. I just tried one for the first time and found it to be extremely effective. Let me know if you want to get the book title that describes the approach.

Take care and hang in there,

B

thanks for all the responses.

dave, you are so right about not being ashamed of it. he just thought that everybody did it... and thank god he did because it got him through...

i will have to read up on DID. i've only seen it referenced to on here, so i'll find out some more about it.

barney, what is the name of the book? i doubt he'd be into trying that right now, but he may in the future.

all this time, i've been hoping and praying that he would want to take the initative to read or at least think about these things...and now that he is, i wish so badly i could take it all away. i know it's only going to get harder for him.

but if there's healing on the other side...it will be worth it.
i'll keep you updated.

V.

Wow, violet, that is such a great encouragement!!! I am so glad he is reading now...maybe that will even open the channels of communication between you even wider, as he learns about it as you have? Also I would think he might be relieved to see there are reasons for the way he is in lots of ways, just to see they can be changed...

I do feel it is a great (huge!) step in his recovery process.

Violet,

Thanks so much for sharing that positive news. It truly does mean a bunch.

I'm excited that perhaps this may be a turning point with you guys. Lets hope and pray so, eh?

Lots of love,

John

hard to believe so much hope has replaced the despair from the last three months.

i hate Hate HATE that this happened to him, but we are closer now than we ever have been.

good news, turning point, miracle...

i know it won't all better at this point, and things may get worse as he's going through all of this, but i just wanted him to KNOW that he is not alone.

thanks,
V.