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#185397 - 10/07/07 05:46 AM scared
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
will some one love me--------------------without the sex stuff-------------------care for me-------------hug me-------------tell me its ok---------------that i matter-------------i dont think i ever got that------------------as a boy-----------------------and its getting harder -------------for me to tell myself these things------------------steve


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#185406 - 10/07/07 07:25 AM Re: scared [Re: sabata]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
then my anger comes out


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#185410 - 10/07/07 07:36 AM Re: scared [Re: sabata]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
i dont know why i feel like such a ass-------------------------here i am a grown man------------------feeling-------so much like a scared lost boy--------------------


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#185412 - 10/07/07 07:43 AM Re: scared [Re: sabata]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I think we both know why, Steve. I feel the same way a lot of the time, but I think what happened here is our ability to grow emotionally and psychologicall was stolen from us at a young age. When I think about relationships, I think about them like a lost 12 year old kid, and I get scared. I've found, in talking to many of the men on this site, that there are aspects of all of our personalities that got stuck at a young age, and I think we all feel fear because of that.

One thing to keep in mind is that no matter how irrational this fear may seem at times, it's not. This fear is justified, and it's an emotion we have to feel to move forward.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#185414 - 10/07/07 08:26 AM Re: scared [Re: BJK]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks bryan-----------this emotiton-----------just feels so bad------------------steve


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#185415 - 10/07/07 08:31 AM Re: scared *DELETED* [Re: BJK]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Post deleted by ttoon

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#185430 - 10/07/07 10:16 AM Re: scared [Re: ttoon]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Steve, Dave, Bryan,

This thread has touched me deeply. Not only because of each of your stories, but because that was me for so many years also. Still is to some extent, but I am finding that as I learn to let people into my world and allow myself to be allowed into theirs, that sense of being alone, hurting, and in pain does indeed fade.

There is hope, and it is men like you and the hundreds of other men here that show it to me the most clearly. Thank-you.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#185440 - 10/07/07 10:57 AM Re: scared [Re: WalkingSouth]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
Dave-----------maybe thats why i feel so safe by myself------and i stay isolated-------------------John-------------thank you-------------------------------------steve


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#185453 - 10/07/07 11:24 AM Re: scared [Re: sabata]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Too often societies "crap"invades our emotions...like, "I'm a grown man and SHOULDN'T ACT T-H-I-S WAY!!" There are NO>
_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#185456 - 10/07/07 11:34 AM Re: scared [Re: ScottyTodd]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
hey----Howard-------------naw havent given up---------------------------still searching---------------thanks----------------------------steve


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#185554 - 10/07/07 08:24 PM Re: scared [Re: sabata]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Steve,

The feelings you talk about are emotions that were denied to you as a boy, and that's a terrible loss to deal with - both as a boy and as the adult he grows up to become. But don't fault yourself for feeling this loss, bro. The truth is that we all need this feeling of being special, important, loved and wanted. The fact that you are still in touch with that shows what a compassionate and loving guy you are. That's something to be very proud of.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#185682 - 10/08/07 04:18 PM Re: scared [Re: roadrunner]
tresheridas Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/05/05
Posts: 8
Loc: Utah
Hi, Steve,

I'm sorry I've been out of pocket and couldn't chip in.

I know that little boy's in you, like that little baby's in me. But, even if that little boy's having a hard time, he's inside a tough guy who will protect him and love him forever.

I know where you're at and it's unmitigated Hell. But you will get through it; you can trust that. You will.

And the love that you're talking about - and the freedom from fear - man, THE FREEDOM FROM FEAR - I swear to you, it's waiting for you and you will get there.

And you can trust yourself, I just know it. If you feel like you need to be alone, that's okay. Your survival instincts got you this far. They'll get you the rest of the way.

You know, anytime you think it will help, you've got my number and my e-mail. Any time, day or night.

Mike

_________________________
Tres

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#185829 - 10/09/07 09:26 AM Re: scared [Re: tresheridas]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks everyone---------------didnt go to work today--------------got a appt to a new t-----------havent seen one in a year-----------------------this one saids they deal in sexual trama----------------hopefully it will be good----------------i have come the conclusion i cant do this by myself------------------therres a girl at work whos trying to get me to go to her church----------------i am not sure about the church thing------------to many people---------------------------she saids i dont need to pay for a shrink-------------everythin is at the church-------------------not sure--------------------giving the shrink thing a shot first--------------see hows it goes-------------------steve


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#185851 - 10/09/07 10:36 AM Re: scared [Re: sabata]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Steve I am glad that you have found a new T. I think the girl at work is a little over the top with the church thing. No church has all the things one needs. However it could be a good idea to check the church thing out.

I have gotten into Native American Spirituality and find it helpful. Don't think that the church thing would be bad as long as they aren't controling people.

Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#185884 - 10/09/07 02:07 PM Re: scared [Re: Muldoon]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks-tom--feel better allready after my first visit-------------------------------knowing i made the connection----------------steve


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#185886 - 10/09/07 02:07 PM Re: scared [Re: Muldoon]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks-tom--feel better allready after my first visit-------------------------------knowing i made the connection----------------steve


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#185887 - 10/09/07 02:07 PM Re: scared [Re: Muldoon]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks-tom--feel better allready after my first visit-------------------------------knowing i made the connection----------------steve


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#185888 - 10/09/07 02:08 PM Re: scared [Re: sabata]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
stupid computer----------------sorry


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#185923 - 10/09/07 04:39 PM Re: scared [Re: sabata]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Steve,

I'm glad this went well. Like Tom I would say give different approaches a chance, but watch out for people who claim that their approach is the only right one. What you need will depend on YOU, not on the agenda of others.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#185942 - 10/09/07 06:00 PM Re: scared [Re: roadrunner]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks larry-------------my last t was pushing me toward religion in his pratice-----not ready for that yet-steve


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#186429 - 10/11/07 02:45 AM Re: scared [Re: sabata]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Steve,

I am a more religious person then not, and I would still be concerned about a therapist pushing it at me. In U.S., you have the seperation of the Church and goverment. In my mind, there should be the seperation of Church and therapy also. One is my personal faith and beliefs, one is a science to help me heal. They can be joined some, if it is of MY choice. But not that of the therapist. I hope that this new therapist is a good choice to you.

Andrei


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#186450 - 10/11/07 07:15 AM Re: scared [Re: ak]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Steve,

I'm so happy to hear that you've found a new therapist. I'm hoping that you'll find that you've made it a long ways since your last therapist visit. If you're like me, you just need someone to talk to every week to help process what you've taken in.

I also have to chime in about the religion part of all of this. My first attempts at therapy about ten years ago here in the Bible belt were clouded by support groups who were not accepting of agnostics and one particular therapist who seemed to make every session about why I was pushing God away. I guess I look at all of the people of faith who I admire for their faith, and yet their faith doesn't seem to be helping them in the slightest when it comes to recovery, and I wonder why I need that in my life.

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

Top
#186454 - 10/11/07 07:28 AM Re: scared [Re: BJK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Steve,

Like Andrei and Bryan have said, I too would be cautious about any T who seemed to be pushy about religion. Ts have their own feelings and priorities, of course, but that's exactly the point. A T who is on your case about religion isn't focusing on YOUR needs; he's concentrating on his own need to preach and evangelize.

If this troubles you, then you have every right to ask him to back off and leave religion out of it. If he won't or can't, then I would say look for a new T. Like I said, it's more than just him crossing an important line - it's about where his priorities are.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#186593 - 10/11/07 08:14 PM Re: scared [Re: roadrunner]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks--------that was my lsast t-----------------the one pushing religon------------i nhavent seen him in a year---------------------my new one is a lady------------------aferican american---------------------she specilaizes in sexual trama-------------------------------------i go see here tommrow----------------------------the first vist was a interview------------------------------yea i need some one to talk to-----------to process things------------------as i live bymyself-------------------------and dont have anyone to talk to--------------------on a daily basics---------------------------------hopefully it will go good-----time will tell---------------steve


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#186966 - 10/13/07 07:39 PM Re: scared [Re: sabata]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
so-------friday was my first session with my new t--------------------i was impressed----------------she knew what i was talking about----------------she understood----------------------she has a lot of knowlage in the abuse field----------------------------so we will see where this takes me--------------------steve


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