I am new to this, not sure what to say, am used to keeping my feelings to myself, Backspin knows how much I love him, but I just dont know how best to help him,We never used to argue until his past came to the surface and things have got a bit tetchy!!!!Where do I go from here !!! any suggestions ????

Dreamcatcher

Welcome - I am sure other family and friends will give you some ideas on being here and what to do. I will just say welcome and I think a great deal off Backspin. And you have a great deal of courage to come here - it is not easy for any of us. I will also say that inpatient was the best thing I ever did - when I got home my wife said I was a completly different person.

Thank you for your welcome, I am glad that you found "inpatient" good for you, well done. But I have very strong views on psychiatric care being an ex psychiatric nurse and im sorry to say they are not very good views, this being a problem we need to sort.

Dreamcatcher

I can only speak from my own experience. I was at a facility that deals only with abuse survivors. And most of the T's were survivors themselves. I had a small private room, like a hotel kind of. It was a very healing place and I hope Backspin has the same experience. I can't say as it was really "psychiatric" although there was a single psychiatrist there - maybe that was there goal.

Hi Dreamcatcher and welcome!!!

Be patient with replys in the F & F forum, theres only a group of us women that reply regularly.

I'm not the best partner to have answered you first because my husband and I are seperated and he is not in recovery in any form - still in denial about his problems.

I just wanted to welcome you and let you know that we're all here to support you!!!!

Take care!
Angie

Hello Dreamcatcher,

Welcome.

We are all very much hoping that Backspin has a good experience there and is able to find some peace with his issues.

In the meanwhile, we are all here for you. Dealing with the knowledge of your husband's abuse can be very difficult and exhausting. The ladies in F&F will try to help you in any way we are able.

My husband disclosed to me about 1 1/2 years ago but only began to try to sort through everything in the past three months. He disclosed to his family about a month ago. Things for us have been very hectic and basically an emotionally whirlwind.

Feel free to post any questions here or you may also Private Message me.

Violet or
V.

Welcome Dreamcatcher...
We are all here for you and Backspin.
Please feel free to express yourself here or in chat.
Meri

Hi Dreamcatcher,


glad you decided to come here for support. I'm afraid I don;t know the details of backspin's situation, but please know you can get support here too.....



peace
Beccy

Welcome

It's warm and cozy here, pull up a chair and sit with us around the fire. I'm only here for the past 4 months so it's early for my bf's disclosure too. I exclaimed recently that I feel like a lighthouse out in the fog, I need to stay put so my boat knows where to go and how to get home.

Hold tight we all are doing the best we can.

always,
Kelly

Dear Dreamcatcher,
I'll offer another point of view from the abused male side. I disclosed to my wife 17 years ago. She was very supportive, but I actually became angry at her because she was always wanting me to do something about it. I refused to believe that I needed help. Finally, I began to work on my abuse this past spring...after waiting far too long. So, now we've been married 25 years, and I really lost it about 7 months ago. I've been in a deep depression, post traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks, the whole nine yards. I was almost hospitalized twice for suicidal tendencies that I expressed. I left my job for three months to recover.

To add to her pain, I have told her that I am gay. She believes its entirely because of the abuse. I'm not sure. But, we ARE still together and working on things.

Sorry...I didn't intend to make this all about me...but I just wanted you to know that sometimes we aren't able to accept the support of our spouses/partners because we are so unable to love ourselves.

So...I know BackSpin from chat, and I have great hope for the two of you that you will find a peaceful place--together--in the not-too-distant future.

Welcome. Keep posting. I hope to see you in the chatroom sometime soon...I'm REJ there.

Russ