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#184911 - 10/05/07 02:16 PM Hi im Backspins wife,
DREAMCATCHER Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/03/07
Posts: 14
Loc: ENGLAND
I am new to this, not sure what to say, am used to keeping my feelings to myself, Backspin knows how much I love him, but I just dont know how best to help him,We never used to argue until his past came to the surface and things have got a bit tetchy!!!!Where do I go from here !!! any suggestions ????

Dreamcatcher

_________________________
Hope your dreams are of Self Love and Inner Peace,Your thought is your creation, Create a world of Love and Light for all to live in.
Collective thought is very powerful

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#184914 - 10/05/07 02:22 PM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: DREAMCATCHER]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Welcome - I am sure other family and friends will give you some ideas on being here and what to do. I will just say welcome and I think a great deal off Backspin. And you have a great deal of courage to come here - it is not easy for any of us. I will also say that inpatient was the best thing I ever did - when I got home my wife said I was a completly different person.

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#184917 - 10/05/07 02:28 PM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: kellygtx]
DREAMCATCHER Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/03/07
Posts: 14
Loc: ENGLAND
Thank you for your welcome, I am glad that you found "inpatient" good for you, well done. But I have very strong views on psychiatric care being an ex psychiatric nurse and im sorry to say they are not very good views, this being a problem we need to sort.

Dreamcatcher

_________________________
Hope your dreams are of Self Love and Inner Peace,Your thought is your creation, Create a world of Love and Light for all to live in.
Collective thought is very powerful

Top
#184924 - 10/05/07 02:34 PM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: DREAMCATCHER]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
I can only speak from my own experience. I was at a facility that deals only with abuse survivors. And most of the T's were survivors themselves. I had a small private room, like a hotel kind of. It was a very healing place and I hope Backspin has the same experience. I can't say as it was really "psychiatric" although there was a single psychiatrist there - maybe that was there goal.

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#184926 - 10/05/07 02:36 PM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: DREAMCATCHER]
savemyfam Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 144
Loc: Chicago
Hi Dreamcatcher and welcome!!!

Be patient with replys in the F & F forum, theres only a group of us women that reply regularly.

I'm not the best partner to have answered you first because my husband and I are seperated and he is not in recovery in any form - still in denial about his problems.

I just wanted to welcome you and let you know that we're all here to support you!!!!

Take care!
Angie

_________________________
God has a plan for me, I trust in God's plan.

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#184932 - 10/05/07 02:53 PM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: savemyfam]
violet Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 118
Loc: US
Hello Dreamcatcher,

Welcome.

We are all very much hoping that Backspin has a good experience there and is able to find some peace with his issues.

In the meanwhile, we are all here for you. Dealing with the knowledge of your husband's abuse can be very difficult and exhausting. The ladies in F&F will try to help you in any way we are able.

My husband disclosed to me about 1 1/2 years ago but only began to try to sort through everything in the past three months. He disclosed to his family about a month ago. Things for us have been very hectic and basically an emotionally whirlwind.

Feel free to post any questions here or you may also Private Message me.

Violet or
V.

_________________________
I was silent as a child, and silenced as a young woman; I am taking my lumps and bumps for being a big mouth, now, but usually from those whose opinion I don't respect. - Sandra Cisneros

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#184941 - 10/05/07 03:25 PM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: violet]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
Welcome Dreamcatcher...
We are all here for you and Backspin.
Please feel free to express yourself here or in chat.
Meri

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

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#184945 - 10/05/07 03:45 PM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: mmac]
beccy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
Hi Dreamcatcher,


glad you decided to come here for support. I'm afraid I don;t know the details of backspin's situation, but please know you can get support here too.....



peace
Beccy


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#184955 - 10/05/07 04:14 PM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: beccy]
Agape Girl Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/25/07
Posts: 120
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Welcome

It's warm and cozy here, pull up a chair and sit with us around the fire. I'm only here for the past 4 months so it's early for my bf's disclosure too. I exclaimed recently that I feel like a lighthouse out in the fog, I need to stay put so my boat knows where to go and how to get home.

Hold tight we all are doing the best we can.

always,
Kelly

_________________________
AGAPE'
means selfless love of one person for another
without sexual implications
(especially love that is spiritual in nature)

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#184974 - 10/05/07 05:29 PM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: Agape Girl]
trusty Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Indiana, USA
Dear Dreamcatcher,
I'll offer another point of view from the abused male side. I disclosed to my wife 17 years ago. She was very supportive, but I actually became angry at her because she was always wanting me to do something about it. I refused to believe that I needed help. Finally, I began to work on my abuse this past spring...after waiting far too long. So, now we've been married 25 years, and I really lost it about 7 months ago. I've been in a deep depression, post traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks, the whole nine yards. I was almost hospitalized twice for suicidal tendencies that I expressed. I left my job for three months to recover.

To add to her pain, I have told her that I am gay. She believes its entirely because of the abuse. I'm not sure. But, we ARE still together and working on things.

Sorry...I didn't intend to make this all about me...but I just wanted you to know that sometimes we aren't able to accept the support of our spouses/partners because we are so unable to love ourselves.

So...I know BackSpin from chat, and I have great hope for the two of you that you will find a peaceful place--together--in the not-too-distant future.

Welcome. Keep posting. I hope to see you in the chatroom sometime soon...I'm REJ there.

Russ

_________________________
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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#185045 - 10/05/07 10:29 PM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: DREAMCATCHER]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
Hello and welcome. I am Raul and have talked a lot with your husband. I consider him my friend and I am happy to meet you and that you are here. I hope the best for both of you and really hope you find support in here. I wish you and him the best.
~Raul

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

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#185158 - 10/06/07 11:56 AM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: trusty]
DREAMCATCHER Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/03/07
Posts: 14
Loc: ENGLAND
Hi Russ many thanks for sharing with me, hope tnings work out well for you both, Inner peace to you.... I think we have a long up hill walk ahead, hope BS and I can walk it together, time will tell, still getting used to using this site and a computer, BS is a great teacher, hope he is as good a pupil !!!!

_________________________
Hope your dreams are of Self Love and Inner Peace,Your thought is your creation, Create a world of Love and Light for all to live in.
Collective thought is very powerful

Top
#185164 - 10/06/07 12:03 PM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: rcm]
DREAMCATCHER Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/03/07
Posts: 14
Loc: ENGLAND
Hi Raul many thanks for message, We have a long walk to go yet i think, they say time is a great healer, Hope it goes well, seems to be a lot of supprt here, which is nice to know. Once again many thanks hope to talk with you in chat some time. Peace to you

Dreamcatcher

_________________________
Hope your dreams are of Self Love and Inner Peace,Your thought is your creation, Create a world of Love and Light for all to live in.
Collective thought is very powerful

Top
#185396 - 10/07/07 05:38 AM Re: Hi im Backspins wife [Re: trusty]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Just a quick welcome to the family & friends forum.



Edited by sweet-n-sour (10/07/07 10:49 AM)
_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#185403 - 10/07/07 06:40 AM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: sweet-n-sour]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Dreamcatcher,

I'm so glad you signed up! Knowing that our partner is with us in dealing with our problems is so important, and at the same time a genuine challenge - something to aim for. You'll be amazed at how much the little things mean. For example, you replied to one of his poems and told him you love him. You can't imagine how vital that is to a survivor; so many of us go through stages where we feel utterly unlovable.

The group of partners here is such a great bunch, and I have to say it was a revelation for me when I began coming in here to read. Until I began doing that I really had no idea how my abuse issues were affecting my wife. For you, as a partner, I bet it will prove to be a vital opportunity to share feelings and ideas and see how NOT alone you really are.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#185413 - 10/07/07 08:19 AM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: roadrunner]
kayak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/01/06
Posts: 22
Loc: Atlanta, GA
Dreamcatcher;
I am so pleased to make your acquaintance; I chatted with BackSpin just this morning. (Ironically enough, he mentioned RoadRunner as being so very supportive also.) Bspin mentioned the challenges he is facing very soon, and RRunner's support and upcoming personal visit. Just seeing you in the Forums DCatcher - setting up an identity and willing to be a part of BackSpin's journey says a lot about your character and love for him. Buckle your seat belt, welcome to our community, and get ready for the ride of your life! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it may seem like an oncoming train at times, but every huge journey starts with the hardest step - the first one! And that one is already behind you! And remember, both of you, every burden shared is a burden now half as heavy.


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#185424 - 10/07/07 09:46 AM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: kayak]
DREAMCATCHER Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/03/07
Posts: 14
Loc: ENGLAND
Roadrunner and Kayak thank you both for your welcome and words of wisdom,
I want to engulf you all in a big white fluffy cloud, and sprinkle you with light refreshing spring rain
To cleanse away all your hurt so you can start again,
To land again on this Wonderful planet Earth,
And go through life knowing and feeling your Worth...

As you have so much to give to humanity.
Have you heard: Macho is out, Tenderness is in..it takes a Real Person to be up front, open and honest about themselves and makes for a much better understanding of who we really are..So keep on keeping on...Many thanks and much Peace to you.



Edited by DREAMCATCHER (10/07/07 09:47 AM)
_________________________
Hope your dreams are of Self Love and Inner Peace,Your thought is your creation, Create a world of Love and Light for all to live in.
Collective thought is very powerful

Top
#185809 - 10/09/07 06:51 AM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: DREAMCATCHER]
kayak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/01/06
Posts: 22
Loc: Atlanta, GA
DreamCatcher,

Wow, I am so excited to have talked with Backspin the last few mornings!

Just yesterday he was so downtrodden. Today, he speaks with great determination (despite tremendous fear!) regarding his love for you and his desire to share his past and burdens with you, his wife. He is so ready to pour out his heart, and I am excited for him because - by virtue of your involvement here at MS - you will be a great listener!

Prepared and informed, you will not be shocked. You've done your research and he is not expecting you to have any answers, just compassion and a listening ear. He is a lucky guy!

I hope I haven't taken words out of his mouth, or betrayed his trust in sharing this with you. I am just so encouraged by his determination. You are a lucky gal!


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#185810 - 10/09/07 07:09 AM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: kayak]
DREAMCATCHER Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/03/07
Posts: 14
Loc: ENGLAND
Kayak thanks for your message, as things were not too good when i left the house this am, now i am home and BS is not in, dont know where he is may be Dr's my be dole, not sure, but if he comminicated with me and told me his plans i could have taken him as it is raining out and he does't drive. The silence makes it worse, as i just get more angry inside,it is not as though the problem will go away if not spoken about, its not something you can sweep under the carpet, it needs to be approached and talked about to get any understanding towards a solution. I will awaite his return with a little more hope after reading your words. Many thanks.

_________________________
Hope your dreams are of Self Love and Inner Peace,Your thought is your creation, Create a world of Love and Light for all to live in.
Collective thought is very powerful

Top
#185948 - 10/09/07 06:20 PM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: DREAMCATCHER]
violet Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 118
Loc: US
Dreamcatcher,
Still thinking about you. I hope that you are taking care of yourself.

The waiting is the hardest part...

V.

_________________________
I was silent as a child, and silenced as a young woman; I am taking my lumps and bumps for being a big mouth, now, but usually from those whose opinion I don't respect. - Sandra Cisneros

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#186101 - 10/10/07 02:18 AM Re: Hi im Backspins wife, [Re: violet]
DREAMCATCHER Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/03/07
Posts: 14
Loc: ENGLAND
Violet Thanks for your thoughts, BS has now lost his job, so even more stress is on the way, re:bills, and possibly loss of home!! It is hard trying to carry on as normal I can not take my problems to work with me as it is people I deal with, and one has to put on a hppy face and keep going, I do like living a lie!! but this is what i must do. will keep on keeping on as usual!!!! many thanks

_________________________
Hope your dreams are of Self Love and Inner Peace,Your thought is your creation, Create a world of Love and Light for all to live in.
Collective thought is very powerful

Top
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