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#184770 - 10/05/07 01:18 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
patch22 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/24/07
Posts: 25
Loc: Ireland
I sure know how you feel, and how you never show it. (Made me a good poker player in my youth!) I have for the first time ever slightly lost my temper with people recently - nothing very serious. (Really startled them that someone who's usually so mild could get excited.) DOn't know if that's good or bad - freaks me a bit that I seem to be losing control of my emotions a little.
Paddy

_________________________
A dog is a man's best therapist

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#184799 - 10/05/07 03:51 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
I suppose 'what ruins our day' is relevant to the life experiences we have endured.

In my job I used to work alongside another Supervisor (this was when I was starting to break down, and just before I made my statement to the police). He was always worried if he didn't produce a graph on time, whereas I was only really bothered about getting the product to the customer.

When I broke down and had time off work, he came to see me as everyone thought I was off with a virus. I told him why I was really off work & I always remember the shock on his face. He said: "Christ, no wonder you don't care about graphs and stuff, with all that going around your head". I think it has changed his outlook on life and others somewhat. To him, a crisis was telephoning his wife because he had to work back an hour.

A broken fingernail is a crisis to someone who has never experienced anything worse (think junked up celebrities with too much time and money).

A crisis to someone who has experienced a broken mind/body or both is going to be something pretty horrific!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#188717 - 10/25/07 03:30 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: RICK57]
copenbay Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 127
Hi,

Good response, Rick. I think most of the times that people complain about inane things they simply want attention or pity or whatever. And if they knew about real problems they wouldn't even know how to react (like your boss didn't). But Mel, I understand. I don't know whether to get ticked or simply laugh when someone's problems seem so insignificant to me (because they're nothing compared with mine).
I, too, feel like saying, 'Oh, you think that's bad. You want to trade with me? Here's mine...'. But I don't. It is much better for me to find things to be thankful for, starting with not being bothered by trivial things, or worried about where I'll take my next vacation, etc.
As long as I don't resort to sarcasm, with something like, 'Oh, I thought for a moment you really had a problem....', or rolling my eyes or walking away ready to hit something, I'm okay. Then again, I always try to be sympathetic, even when the attempt seems to make me ill.

Ed

Ed


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#188729 - 10/25/07 09:47 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
Darren Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 120
Loc: The High Seas
Hi All,

Yes, I've felt like this, more and more lately. I don't have the stomach anymore for petty complaints. I tune them out. I think some of it may be jealosy -- jealosy that 'they' have not had to deal with what you have, and selfishness, which I think is OK, because we have been denied our 'selves' for so long.

BTW, this may be a little off-topic: I think I just get angry a lot more, period. I storm around fuming sometimes. I especially get angry at incompetence, like store clerks giving the wrong change or charging too much for something, telemarketers, newspaper delivery that doesn't deliver... I didn't used to be like this.

Darren.

_________________________
“Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates” -Mark Twain

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#188731 - 10/25/07 09:50 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
What I absolutely hate it when people say "I know exactly how you feel" Yea, right. These people don't have a clue.
KENKEN

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#188732 - 10/25/07 09:50 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
What I absolutely hate it when people say "I know exactly how you feel" Yea, right. These people don't have a clue.
KENKEN

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#188739 - 10/25/07 11:56 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: KENKEN]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 114
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
I go both ways on this one. On a Good day (LOL!)I see my journey through the trauma and pain as a gift because it has forced me to grow in ways I would have never grown otherwise. I am definately not a shallow person and I see, think, feel and experience things very deeply and I feel I have something to offer to others.

On other days (LOL!) I really get pissed off at people whining and bitching about stupid stuff. I want to say, "Grow up!" but I don't.

Then there are those days when I think other's pain, hurt and trauma is more significant than mine AND my needs, pains and hurts have no place. In fact, I will stay on the phone and listen to others for an hour, when I am hungry or it's past my bedtime and my wife is pissed about how long I have been on the phone. I call it self-deprivation ... my job "as a victim" is to have no boundaries and to go without because a friends or family member's needs are more important.

Peace

_________________________
GD

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#188761 - 10/25/07 04:56 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
I have deifinitely had those moments; but it depends on my state of mind at the time, i guess- sometimes i can almost use someone else's conniption over trivial crap as a way to relax; since there is no serious immediate concern, or triggering associations, i can make reassuring noises at them, let them vent, and just take a mental break. If i'm getting screamed at over nothing, by someone whose biggest life-stress was to decide between Aruba or Bora Bora for their vacation home's location?
Let's just say the middle ground between remaining silent, and being cuffed n' stuffed for assault, hasn't been reached by yours truly as of yet...

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#188763 - 10/25/07 05:44 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: dgoods]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
just a word on this issue from "the other side" \:\)

I am a partner and yes, to some, a hangnail is the end of their world and others carry an inconceivable amount of real pain daily.without so much as a word.....

BUT, try explaining to a survivor that you (a non CSA person) had a bad day, or has an issue that you need to discuss..
no matter how grave you feel about whatever it is your feeling, it can NEVER EVER match the intensity of his feelings....

it can be frustrating to be dismissed or trivialized because your issues couldn't possibly be as bad........worse yet, they are not as bad!
But at the time, they are painful just the same.

Just wanted to throw that out there...Thanks.
M:)

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

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#468308 - 08/01/14 04:52 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3429
Loc: O Kanada
short answer: YES.

long answer: I REALLY REEEALLY TRY MY BEST NOT TO.



_______________
interesting side note: my anger at someone else complaining about their problem caused me to commit my first act of disclosure.
i was as shocked and surprised as the person i told!
the words hung there in the air like an echo chamber, after i blurted them out.
there was no [REWIND] or [DELETE] button, and it was too late for [MUTE].
of course that launched me on a whole new adventure.
i discovered that i had not recovered.

i boasted something very similar to "My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. i was raped by a serial killer, big deal. i got over it, so get over it."

i had in fact, not gotten over it.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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