someone told me the other day that i am manipulative. to me, this has all these negative meanings and its not very nice to be called this. so i thought about it and even went as far as to look up the exact meaning. "skillful in influencing or controlling others to your own advantage." then im like.... yeah i totally do that. i didnt realize that i do that in everyday life, and that can still be debated, but that is totally something i picked up when i was hustling. the more you can sway a guy to pay you more or even trying to get him to want certain things instead of other unfavorable options... i think thats a good thing, no? if i am able to get more money from a guy i see that as a good thing. if i can make a guy want a blow job and not anal sex... possibily even for the same price... i think that's a good thing.

so okay.. i have this learned bahavior thing. but apprently its negative in everyday life. i still am not sure how i am manipulative now. like, i really don't see it. am i oblivious? is it so second hand that i don't know im doing it? and if i dont know im doing it, how do i change it?

Manipulative. That is interesting. I know that this is coming from someone of English-is-a-second-language, so it probably is not a worthy answer. But what I have 'seen' of you, on board and chat, I would not call you that. I do not always agree with what you say or how you say it, and am sometime easy offended by you, which is of course, about me, not you. (just being honest). But I have felt 'manipulated' by persons here before, and in real life, and I have never felt that from you. A lot of time we do not see negative (or positive) things of ourself. But also, sometime, what one person say may be very much 'off base' because they are having a bad day, or are being a jerk or something.

I think you will get other answers here who will I hope be from people here who know you better. I hope that they will give to you the information you wish.

Andrei

andrei, thanks for replying. (i enjoy the english-as-a-second-language guys here. you guys add another layer of depth to the site.) but thanks for your ideas on it. i know that a lot of people dont agree with me. i know i am loud and out there. and i didnt think that all translated to being manipulative. i guess part of me doesnt understand the meaning of it completely. i dont know.

jarrad...it is cool to see you exploring parts of yourself.
all i can speak of is what i have read from you...i d not see you being manipulative on this site.
manipulation can also take the form of saying things in a certain way so that you get the answer you are "wanting"...not the person's honest answer.
there are many ways to manipulate...but they all boil down to doing or saying something to cause someone to do or say or think what you want.
buzz

I also think manipulation can also take the form of taking something that someone says out of context, or instead of responding to the basic intent of a point someone is trying to make, someone picks up on a tangent or reads something into what somebody said that simply was not the point of the discussion. It seems to me that when that happens, people are forced into a defensive mode and can no longer make progress on the original topic. In this situation I think it could be said that a topic or discussion was manipulated to suit a person's interest.
Paul
Paul

Hey Jarrad,
I don't see you as a manipulative person at all. You have strong opinions and don't mind sharing them. (You know that I have even referred to you once as being "blunt".) But I appreciate your honesty. That is a positive from my point of view.

Thanks,
Russ/Rej

Yea, I have never seen it Jarrad. Just "blunt" like trusty says. Refreshing.

Mike

Jarrad,

I think becoming aware of our behaviour can be very enlightening. It can help us move forward and understand how and why other folks respond to us in certain ways.

My concern after reading your post is that, once you realize you have a communication pattern that appears manipulative, IF that is the case, it may make you feel guilty? I hope it's not the case, as you can use this knowledge to move forward.

It is interesting to explore with our t our own behaviour, communication patterns and how we feel about them. IOW, it's ok since we are learning from this and growing.

Just my point of view. I sincerely hope it helps. I haven't posted lately and was hesitant to do so but wanted to give you my input.

~Raul

I agree with whatever Jarrad says... always... and I came to that decision all by myself (right Jarrad?)

xoxo
Dan

is intimidation the same as manipulation?