hi. im back. florida sucked
my real father was an ok guy
he at least tried
but to much time gone
by to make any difrence.

It's been a litle quiet since you've been gone trev.

we can change that

i cant yell cuz i have a
busted up jaw but i
can probly type
real loud lol

Who hit you?

i for one have missed your and hauser's banter...slinging BS back and forth...

...so...welcome back...lol

seriously...hope you're okay.

russ/rej

hope you are ok-----------------------------trevor---------------and things get better for you-------------------steve

I'm glad to see you're back, Trevor. This place was kind of dead without you here.

Sorry things didn't work out with your dad.

Bryan

Hey Trev...what happenned??

Welcome back, Trevor.

Hey how come i cant PM you?

um dunno
dont think im allowed to PM

umm..hit me up when you can okay?

ok gimmie 5

k - got a meeting in 10 but will be on after 945 or so.

Hi Trev,

Glad to see you back and sorry Florida didn't work out for you. You okay?

Much love,
Larry

ya im ok
florida suckd
but whatever
least i tried

Yes you did, and that's what counts. I'm glad you gave it a shot, and I'm also glad you got out when you saw it was no good. How are things going now?

things r ok
kinda depressed

What are you depressed about? Are you back living where you were before? Is that okay?

Also check your PMs now. Yours may not be functioning for some technical reason, but it hasn't been turned off. I'm pretty sure of that.

k ill check again thx
im back w sarah
its ok, lots of rules now
but
shes the only one who will
keep me around so

Trev, maybe you could talk about what bothers you about the rules. I think everywhere is full of rules, in fact. Maybe the thing to ask is why the rules jag you so bad - I know this is a hot one for you.

bothers me cuz most of the
rules she made up is cuz
she dont trust me.
and Y should she

I bet the rules are really there because she loves you and wants you to keep well and safe. Big sisters can get like that, they're hard-wired for it I think. But can you talk to her about these rules? Which ones don't you like? I mean which ones especially piss you off?

dont feel like talking
about it

its jus always the same
fucking bullshit
all the time

That's how I felt at your age. All bullshit and all the time. Unrelenting. But some bullshit is worse than the rest. For me it was where are you going and with who and when will you be back. I hated it. But in reality I was up to no good - all the things I now know were causing me a lot of the pain and hopelessness I was feeling.

Sound familiar?

ya its like that
where ru going who ru with
u bettr call me when ur there
and u better be home by a
certain time
cuz she thinks im gonna go out
an get myself hurt

Trev,



But that has happened sometimes, right? I mean, going out and ending up in a mess somehow. That's the problem for a parent or someone else who's got a guy your age to think about. You want him to have his space and learn to make his own decisions, but at the same time you want him to be safe too.

I know how you feel, but hey, one guy my parents hated and wouldn't let me hang with ended up dead before he was 25 - junkie. Another one has been in and out of jail like a yoyo. And wise confident me? I hit San Francisco when I was 20, just looking to play blues and rock music and hang with cool people, and within 48 hours I was being beaten and abused all over again.

No lecture, Trev, just a reality check.

Maybe the trick here is to see how you can work things out with Sarah. Talk to her about the rules and ask what she needs to see so she can feel okay about backing off a bit. Sound possible?

ya it happend a lot before
not so much now
i dont know why i do it
evrytime i feel bad
i feel like i hafto get hurt
thers no talking to
sarah rite now. shes pissed
at me and she wont make
any deals about it
she dont trust me
i dont blame her
oh well

Trev,



So that's already something that's better than before.



Can you think of any reasons why you feel that way? When I was your age I sometimes put myself in harm's way because I felt so bad about being me I figured harm would find me no matter what I did. So I figured fuck it, here you are, hurt me. That somehow felt better, just because I could say -I- decided when, and where and how I would get hurt.

Sound familiar again?

Much love,
Larry

ya its a control thing
but its more like physical
pain blocks out pain in
my head

Thats why i used to cut...physical pain will override my head.

ya i do it sometimes

So maybe it's not a bad thing Sarah has these rules? But you seem to know that already. So what is it that's really pissing you off? Can you see that? Is it okay to go there?

its pissing me off cuz
shes right

Yep. So it's not Sarah's fault at all, right? In fact, it's pretty cool that Sarah cares this much. I mean, she knows you will get jagged by all the rules, etc., and she knows you will get pissed off and let her know you don't like it - but keeping you safe is more important.

So Sarah's the wrong target to get pissed off at, I guess. But the situation still sucks and you don't want to leave it like this, that's for sure. How can you take control? How can you "do something"? What can you do?

Any ideas?

Much love,
Larry

no its not her fault

Yes, you're right - she's just doing what she needs to do to keep you safe. But that still leaves you pissed off, which is no good. If you're pissed all the time, then you just can't enjoy anything else at all. That even includes things you would normally like, because being pissed and staying pissed takes up a LOT of energy (fuming, slamming doors, stomping around).

Any ideas?

Much love,
Larry