ya it happend a lot before
not so much now
i dont know why i do it
evrytime i feel bad
i feel like i hafto get hurt
thers no talking to
sarah rite now. shes pissed
at me and she wont make
any deals about it
she dont trust me
i dont blame her
oh well

Trev,



So that's already something that's better than before.



Can you think of any reasons why you feel that way? When I was your age I sometimes put myself in harm's way because I felt so bad about being me I figured harm would find me no matter what I did. So I figured fuck it, here you are, hurt me. That somehow felt better, just because I could say -I- decided when, and where and how I would get hurt.

Sound familiar again?

Much love,
Larry

ya its a control thing
but its more like physical
pain blocks out pain in
my head

Thats why i used to cut...physical pain will override my head.

ya i do it sometimes

So maybe it's not a bad thing Sarah has these rules? But you seem to know that already. So what is it that's really pissing you off? Can you see that? Is it okay to go there?

its pissing me off cuz
shes right

Yep. So it's not Sarah's fault at all, right? In fact, it's pretty cool that Sarah cares this much. I mean, she knows you will get jagged by all the rules, etc., and she knows you will get pissed off and let her know you don't like it - but keeping you safe is more important.

So Sarah's the wrong target to get pissed off at, I guess. But the situation still sucks and you don't want to leave it like this, that's for sure. How can you take control? How can you "do something"? What can you do?

Any ideas?

Much love,
Larry

no its not her fault

Yes, you're right - she's just doing what she needs to do to keep you safe. But that still leaves you pissed off, which is no good. If you're pissed all the time, then you just can't enjoy anything else at all. That even includes things you would normally like, because being pissed and staying pissed takes up a LOT of energy (fuming, slamming doors, stomping around).

Any ideas?

Much love,
Larry