Jarrad -

You are not alone with those feelings. I was raped - but I cut and I acted out - no one made me do it. But I agree with Adam (Shadowkid - guess I have been around long enough that I can use names now - Is that a sign of healing or comfort?) with his great cough analogy. A sick child who is contagious can not be blamed for spreading a cough.

Put the blame where it belongs and move on. You can't change the past, but you can change (and have I persume or you would not be here) your response to the past. Put you energy where it will make a difference.

Man, Jarrad, I really admire your dedication to taking responsibility for yourself.

I could list so many things here that I have done in my life that I regret and feel shame about too. I take responsibility for my role in those things.

But if I wasn't willing to acknowledge how feeling hurt, afraid and powerless contributed to those actions, I might still be doing them, and that would be fucking terrible.

I think Adam's cough analogy is too simple for me personally. Among other things, most of us here are not kids. Sort of reminds me of these new studies that show going to work when you have a cold is actually really irresponsible and that employers should *encourage* you to stay home from work in the interest of the larger group. A kid has no control over that usually but adults do.

TW -

I agree to a point. Guilt and shame and remorse do have a place as we are adults and in control of our actions. But to look at those actions in isolation from the rest of our lives makes no sense. It does not mean we are not responsible for what we do or did not do, it just helps get perspective on our actions. I too feel guilt and shame - but I also understand what the root cause was and I can't look at one side and forgive myself with out doing the same for the other side.

Not sure if that makes any sense to anyone but me, but I keep swinging the bat.

Kelly --

I had to read that twice but I really like what you said. Thanks

TW