Actually, almost anyone here will tell you that while it's natural to make comparisons, we almost always do it to try to tell ourselves that our case wasn't so bad after all. Sort of like an excuse for avoiding the need to deal with things.

On top of that, no matter what others have suffered, your own pain remains very important as well. Why? Because it's yours. If it has affected you, then you have the right to make dealing with it a priority and to ask for the help you need.

Much love,
Larry

ive always been really independant and always done things on my own, never need anyones help for anything and dont even know how to ask. its like people expect me to always be the one who listens and has the answers and i do for other people, just not for myself, but they dont know that. its like as long as im helping other people i dont have to think about my own issues.

Right helping others is a great way of avoiding your own issues...i tried that for years. Eventually you have to deal with your own issues. The sooner you do the better your life can be.

Dont be afraid to ask...you have already done that here in a way. Honestly this is something you cant do alone SG. Its time for you to be the one talking not the one listening.

i dont want to do it alone anymore

Then dont...talk to us here once you find the trust...which you will...its time to start seeking a therapist...they wont push you and will let you go at your own pace. Therapy changed my life.

im afraid to go to therapy

What are you afraid of....I was too...its best to talk it out.

a lot of things, a few years ago i tried making an appointment with one and i had him on the phone and he wanted me to tell him what the issues were right there, i hung up on him. i made an appointment with another one and then i blew him off, he called the next day to find out if i was okay, i wanted to reach out to him but i just didnt for whatever reason. i dont know, afraid of what they might ask me or what i might not be able to answer, mostly afraid of being vulnerable i guess.

It's okay to be afraid, however for your well being you need to take that step. It's not going to go away on it's own, it will only get worse. You already took the first couple of steps towards recovery, I have faith in you that you have the strength to take the next step.

By the way, shadowkid is not crazy - he's wonderful and insightful. And you are not crazy either - none of us are, we have banded together to make our lives better. You can do that as well.

I believe in you!!
Angie

SG,

Listen I know its tough but when they ask what your issues are just say it has to do with your childhood and you would rather meet face to face before discussing it more. Dont be afraid to get to know the T first...its important to build trust and they dont expect you to open up right away. The first few times is awkward but it will be so helpful once things get ironed out.