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#183874 - 10/01/07 09:22 PM self-fulfilling prophecy
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
what good will it do
      to try one more time
      to give it my "best shot"

i know me
      i will fail
      and if i don't
            i'll make sure i do

i have played the same tapes for so long
      listened to the same tunes
      with the same bad lyrics
      until it's stuck in my head
            worse than "It's a Small World"

i am so tired
      weary
      exhausted

the hunger to curl up in the arms of someone stronger
      kind
      generous
      loving

and let go of my walls of protection
      and preservation

how long can this go on before i simply burn out?


M


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#183954 - 10/02/07 02:55 AM Re: self-fulfilling prophecy [Re: MarkK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

I also thought that many times: "I don't have the strength for this." And I didn't. I well and truly didn't. But I had enough for today. And the next day I somehow had enough for that day too. And when I didn't have the strength, okay, I was set back a bit but it wasn't the end of the world like I had been expecting.

I guess what I mean is I learned to reset my expectations a bit. If the bar was too high day after day, I lowered the bar - not to cheat but to play by rules that I felt were possible for me.

Just a thought.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#184002 - 10/02/07 09:09 AM Re: self-fulfilling prophecy [Re: roadrunner]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
somehow, dropping the bar sounds worse than cheating ... and the voices inside my head are having a field day with the very idea.

but you're right about one thing - i don't have the strength for this.


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#184099 - 10/02/07 01:06 PM Re: self-fulfilling prophecy [Re: MarkK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

I hear what you're saying, but I do think we have to aim for realistic goals. If we keep aiming for goals that are beyond our reach we will just feel worse and worse about ourselves. I think at some time we just have to say, "Hey, this is what I can do, not more." And that, whatever it is, if it's our best, is just fine for that day.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#184106 - 10/02/07 01:54 PM Re: self-fulfilling prophecy [Re: roadrunner]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
And here in, as they say, lies the rub. Realistic goals.

Pre-abuse brain: You can do it! The world is yours - go for the gold!!

Post-abuse brain: You can't do anything so why try.

In a black and white world, which is where I'm stuck right now, I don't find "This is what I can do, not more". If I don't meet the goal and clear the bar, I am fulfilling the prophecy of "I can't do anything - I'm no good - I'm a worthless piece of _______ (fill in the blank)"

Sure ain't no joy ride.

M


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#184299 - 10/03/07 08:32 AM Re: self-fulfilling prophecy [Re: MarkK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

So the trick is to break free from the black-and-white thinking, I guess. I know that isn't easy. Any thoughts?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#184318 - 10/03/07 09:09 AM Re: self-fulfilling prophecy [Re: roadrunner]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Thoughts?
Me???

No - I'm the one stuck in the B&W world - B&W thinking - B&W life. I don't have any ideas because I don't know anything except what I've always had.

To think "outside the box" one has to know there's a world out there to begin with.

M


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#184324 - 10/03/07 09:15 AM Re: self-fulfilling prophecy [Re: MarkK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
But you know the way this b/w world relates so badly to the rest of the world. Doesn't that show you know how to think "out of the box"? Someone who can't do that doesn't even know there's a box.

L.

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#184329 - 10/03/07 09:25 AM Re: self-fulfilling prophecy [Re: roadrunner]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
what good does it do when it all stays outside the box? i can't bring it in and there's no way for me to get out.

the facilitator of my support group said last night that i have a "finely honed pessimism". guess that says it all, eh?

M


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