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#183828 - 10/01/07 07:14 PM My problems are worse than yours, so shut up.
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Have you ever, deep down, really wanted to just scream that at somebody? Like, if you overhear someone sniveling about how his/her life is "ruined" because of something really inane, like missing a concert or date because of work, or something stupid like this? I mean, you get real angry over it?

Is this jealousy, or callousness? Maybe I'm just on a selfish kick lately.

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

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#183830 - 10/01/07 07:23 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
i feel like that alot. i think its normal. i find myself getting really selfish lately but i don't think thats bad, some times we need to put our selves first.

i think its important to remember though that we dont know peoples whole story... so when they say their life is ruined because they are missing a date there might be something deeper to what they are saying.... maybe they are saying they feel like they are all alone and no one cares about them.

then again maybe they are just a drama queen who knows \:\)





Edited by theatrekid (10/01/07 07:24 PM)

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#183831 - 10/01/07 07:29 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: theatrekid]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Geez...I'm like the opposite.

You know, my mom just disowned me, my niece is in the hospital, I have a migraine from the stress, and I just threw up my lunch. Yeah, I'll stay late so you can make your massage appointment.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#183832 - 10/01/07 07:32 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: BJK]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
Bryan i used to be like that... but these last few months i have really changed almost to the complete opposite of that.

once i learned i could say no to people its like i havnt stoped


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#183834 - 10/01/07 07:42 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: theatrekid]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6356
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
I remember being 8 years old....during the peak of my troubles with "them" and thinking that I would dearly LOVE to have the problems of the other kids in the neighborhood. Nothing has changed in that regard.

But now I'm old enough to have seen people with worse problems than mine.

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

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#183840 - 10/01/07 07:57 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: Still]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
I have seen people with worse problems than me; a lot of them are right here. But as I said, sometimes I get these moments where people complain about the smallest things just makes me furious.

I don't show it, of course - nobody can tell when I'm angry. But I know I'm angry.

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

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#183845 - 10/01/07 08:13 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Melliferal,

Some people just don't see how fortunate they are. The feeling you describe isn't something I experience so much anymore, but there were times I felt like I must have dropped onto the earth from another planet - all the inane bickering and squabbling just made no sense to me.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#183858 - 10/01/07 08:49 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: roadrunner]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
omg i totally feel like that.


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#183861 - 10/01/07 08:59 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: melliferal
I don't show it, of course - nobody can tell when I'm angry. But I know I'm angry.

Wow. I have no idea what that is like. Not that people can tell what I'm thinking - except when I'm angry...

But when I'm angry - the universe knows.

M


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#183862 - 10/01/07 09:01 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: MarkK]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Be glad you can express it!

Internalization can hurt in lots of ways. \:\(

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

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#183864 - 10/01/07 09:02 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: MarkK]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: MarkK

But when I'm angry - the universe knows.


Jeez...in the past, when I've been angry, the entire universe has known...except me.

It's strange how we all process things in different ways, isn't it? It's kind of a testament to our uniquity (is that a word?).

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#183865 - 10/01/07 09:03 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
yeah - i used to have 3 ulcers as proof... but even then it wasn't my anger that was being held in - it was everything else.

but in answer to your initial question - yes, there are times I have wondered what planet people were from - thinking their life was over because the store ran out of their favorite nail polish.

M


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#183889 - 10/01/07 09:51 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
jf Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 54
totally.


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#183907 - 10/01/07 10:40 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. *DELETED* [Re: melliferal]
nicky Offline
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Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
Post deleted by nicky

_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




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#183958 - 10/02/07 05:43 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: nicky]
Nyjah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/14/07
Posts: 610
i feel like this sometimes too. but its all relative as well. unfortunately, it does annoy me.


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#183959 - 10/02/07 06:13 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Two consecutive posts on the extremes struck me as really illustrative of how it can go:

Originally Posted By: MarkK
But when I'm angry - the universe knows.


And then:

Originally Posted By: melliferal
Be glad you can express it!

Internalization can hurt in lots of ways. \:\(


Both so true! What a great idea for a thread.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#183961 - 10/02/07 06:23 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: MarkK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

Originally Posted By: MarkK
but in answer to your initial question - yes, there are times I have wondered what planet people were from - thinking their life was over because the store ran out of their favorite nail polish.


Your comment here recalled to my memory some of the stuff that made me wonder the same thing when other kids groused about stuff:

1. Is so-and-so fat?
2. Why doesn't the pay phone give change when all you have is a quarter?
3. Why isn't there more chocolate milk in the milk machine?
4. Why is my bus stop at the beginning of the route?
5. Why did you forget to take out the trash?

Meanwhile, I'm thinking what's the best way to kill myself.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#184071 - 10/02/07 11:50 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: roadrunner]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Good lord - sometimes I want to scream at other people "Your problems, let me tell you something...." and other times I think "Why did what happened to me bother me so much when <fill in the name> has so much more to be screwed up about." so I get confused about that too. What the hell!!

And as for emotions, one therapist I saw said I was a totally blank slate - she said "You sit there and I can't tell what you are thinking at all." and that I could not read other people non-verbal communications. She even went so far as to suggest I had Asperger Syndrome. I have not flushed that out or discussed it with a Nuerologist yet, it was hard enough just to go in for a routine check up. So when I get angry - nobody knows - usually not even me.



Edited by kellygtx (10/02/07 02:09 PM)
_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#184243 - 10/02/07 10:07 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
I think usually I feel the opposite. That my problems are not importent enough to bother people with. And then once in the while, I feel things get 'back up' enough inside that I just make some crazy post saying everything I should been saying for a few months. And then it start again.

VN


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#184259 - 10/02/07 11:47 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: VN]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Mel,

I think when people snivel over the minor stuff all the time they may actually be in denial about the really bad things that have happened in their life so they major in the minor stuff. Subconsciously if they can do that they don't have to face the really big issues, you know?

What a way to live, eh?

Yeah, from our side it can get really irritating, but I try to remember that in actuality their problems may be a lot worse than mine because of what they may indeed actually be doing. Kind of changes the perspective a little.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#184770 - 10/05/07 01:18 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
patch22 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/24/07
Posts: 25
Loc: Ireland
I sure know how you feel, and how you never show it. (Made me a good poker player in my youth!) I have for the first time ever slightly lost my temper with people recently - nothing very serious. (Really startled them that someone who's usually so mild could get excited.) DOn't know if that's good or bad - freaks me a bit that I seem to be losing control of my emotions a little.
Paddy

_________________________
A dog is a man's best therapist

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#184799 - 10/05/07 03:51 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
I suppose 'what ruins our day' is relevant to the life experiences we have endured.

In my job I used to work alongside another Supervisor (this was when I was starting to break down, and just before I made my statement to the police). He was always worried if he didn't produce a graph on time, whereas I was only really bothered about getting the product to the customer.

When I broke down and had time off work, he came to see me as everyone thought I was off with a virus. I told him why I was really off work & I always remember the shock on his face. He said: "Christ, no wonder you don't care about graphs and stuff, with all that going around your head". I think it has changed his outlook on life and others somewhat. To him, a crisis was telephoning his wife because he had to work back an hour.

A broken fingernail is a crisis to someone who has never experienced anything worse (think junked up celebrities with too much time and money).

A crisis to someone who has experienced a broken mind/body or both is going to be something pretty horrific!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#188717 - 10/25/07 03:30 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: RICK57]
copenbay Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 127
Hi,

Good response, Rick. I think most of the times that people complain about inane things they simply want attention or pity or whatever. And if they knew about real problems they wouldn't even know how to react (like your boss didn't). But Mel, I understand. I don't know whether to get ticked or simply laugh when someone's problems seem so insignificant to me (because they're nothing compared with mine).
I, too, feel like saying, 'Oh, you think that's bad. You want to trade with me? Here's mine...'. But I don't. It is much better for me to find things to be thankful for, starting with not being bothered by trivial things, or worried about where I'll take my next vacation, etc.
As long as I don't resort to sarcasm, with something like, 'Oh, I thought for a moment you really had a problem....', or rolling my eyes or walking away ready to hit something, I'm okay. Then again, I always try to be sympathetic, even when the attempt seems to make me ill.

Ed

Ed


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#188729 - 10/25/07 09:47 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
Darren Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 120
Loc: The High Seas
Hi All,

Yes, I've felt like this, more and more lately. I don't have the stomach anymore for petty complaints. I tune them out. I think some of it may be jealosy -- jealosy that 'they' have not had to deal with what you have, and selfishness, which I think is OK, because we have been denied our 'selves' for so long.

BTW, this may be a little off-topic: I think I just get angry a lot more, period. I storm around fuming sometimes. I especially get angry at incompetence, like store clerks giving the wrong change or charging too much for something, telemarketers, newspaper delivery that doesn't deliver... I didn't used to be like this.

Darren.

_________________________
“Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates” -Mark Twain

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#188731 - 10/25/07 09:50 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
What I absolutely hate it when people say "I know exactly how you feel" Yea, right. These people don't have a clue.
KENKEN

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#188732 - 10/25/07 09:50 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
What I absolutely hate it when people say "I know exactly how you feel" Yea, right. These people don't have a clue.
KENKEN

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#188739 - 10/25/07 11:56 AM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: KENKEN]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 112
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
I go both ways on this one. On a Good day (LOL!)I see my journey through the trauma and pain as a gift because it has forced me to grow in ways I would have never grown otherwise. I am definately not a shallow person and I see, think, feel and experience things very deeply and I feel I have something to offer to others.

On other days (LOL!) I really get pissed off at people whining and bitching about stupid stuff. I want to say, "Grow up!" but I don't.

Then there are those days when I think other's pain, hurt and trauma is more significant than mine AND my needs, pains and hurts have no place. In fact, I will stay on the phone and listen to others for an hour, when I am hungry or it's past my bedtime and my wife is pissed about how long I have been on the phone. I call it self-deprivation ... my job "as a victim" is to have no boundaries and to go without because a friends or family member's needs are more important.

Peace

_________________________
GD

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#188761 - 10/25/07 04:56 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: melliferal]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
I have deifinitely had those moments; but it depends on my state of mind at the time, i guess- sometimes i can almost use someone else's conniption over trivial crap as a way to relax; since there is no serious immediate concern, or triggering associations, i can make reassuring noises at them, let them vent, and just take a mental break. If i'm getting screamed at over nothing, by someone whose biggest life-stress was to decide between Aruba or Bora Bora for their vacation home's location?
Let's just say the middle ground between remaining silent, and being cuffed n' stuffed for assault, hasn't been reached by yours truly as of yet...

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#188763 - 10/25/07 05:44 PM Re: My problems are worse than yours, so shut up. [Re: dgoods]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
just a word on this issue from "the other side" \:\)

I am a partner and yes, to some, a hangnail is the end of their world and others carry an inconceivable amount of real pain daily.without so much as a word.....

BUT, try explaining to a survivor that you (a non CSA person) had a bad day, or has an issue that you need to discuss..
no matter how grave you feel about whatever it is your feeling, it can NEVER EVER match the intensity of his feelings....

it can be frustrating to be dismissed or trivialized because your issues couldn't possibly be as bad........worse yet, they are not as bad!
But at the time, they are painful just the same.

Just wanted to throw that out there...Thanks.
M:)

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

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