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#183748 - 10/01/07 03:16 PM hello im new
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
hi im new and could use someone to talk too, i dont know if im in the right place but i dont really seem to fit in anywhere so figured it doesnt hurt to try. thanks


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#183750 - 10/01/07 03:20 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
anybody..please


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#183753 - 10/01/07 03:26 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
Hello scorpiogurl, I'm kinda new here but I will try to help.



Edited by brokensoul (10/01/07 03:29 PM)

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#183754 - 10/01/07 03:28 PM Re: hello im new [Re: brokensoul]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Hey Scorpiogirl -

Welcome. We are here for you - both survivors and family and friends.

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#183755 - 10/01/07 03:29 PM Re: hello im new [Re: kellygtx]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
thanks i dont know where to start, i dont know if i want to put this out in the open


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#183756 - 10/01/07 03:33 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Then PM me...believe me, we have heard it all.



Edited by kellygtx (10/01/07 03:34 PM)
_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

Top
#183757 - 10/01/07 03:34 PM Re: hello im new [Re: kellygtx]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
You can share here - things you did not ever think you could share. This is a healing place, and just sharing is very powerful.

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#183758 - 10/01/07 03:34 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
Thats ok posting to a forum like this can be hard the first time trust me I know. We can start slow and work from there. Just in general what brings you here.


Brokensoul.




Edited by brokensoul (10/01/07 03:34 PM)

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#183759 - 10/01/07 03:37 PM Re: hello im new [Re: brokensoul]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
a family member was abused, i remember seeing it happen, its caused a lot of problems over the years that i just kept inside, but i cant keep it in anymore, i dont know what to do with it.


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#183761 - 10/01/07 03:41 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
Do you still have contact with the abused family member? Watching abuse happen to someone can be just as hard on a person as being abused more so if the abused person is someone close to you.


Brokensoul.


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#183762 - 10/01/07 03:43 PM Re: hello im new [Re: brokensoul]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
no i havent had contact with him in a long time


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#183764 - 10/01/07 03:47 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
Have you always been hurt by what you witnessed or are you just starting to think about or have flashbacks of what happened?

Brokensoul.


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#183765 - 10/01/07 03:50 PM Re: hello im new [Re: brokensoul]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
ive always been very hurt by what i saw and other things, its always bothered me, ive always felt different (hard to explain that) and i know it all has to do with this but i just always keep it hidden, ive tried other online groups but i dont seem to fit in anywhere with anyone, im just so tired of hiding


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#183767 - 10/01/07 03:57 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
Can you or do you feel safe trying to contact the person that was abused? I believe you to be a very good hearted person and it is clear that you have been very hurt by what you have seen. Do you have a therapist or do you have access to one.


Brokensoul.


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#183768 - 10/01/07 04:02 PM Re: hello im new [Re: brokensoul]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
i dont feel safe or right contacting him, its been so many years. ive thought about therapy a million times and i made an appointment once but never went, something always stops me, maybe fear, then i make up an excuse why i dont need to go, then i can forget about all this for a while and everything is fine, but it always rears its ugly head again!


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#183769 - 10/01/07 04:09 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
What you have been through is overwhelming and until you get help in sorting it out I'm afraid that it may keep coming up in your thoughts. I hate to ask and please know you are under no pressure to answer. But where you also abused? Like I have said it is ok if you don't want to answer I completely understand.


Brokensoul


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#183776 - 10/01/07 04:26 PM Re: hello im new [Re: brokensoul]
beccy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
Hi Scorpiogurl,


just wanted to say welcome and you've come to the right place.

I am sorry you had to witness a family member being abused. Please know you can express your feelings here and that no-one will judge you. I am sure this has been a massive thing for you to carry over the years.....I once knew a woman who had seen her sister being abused and it had profoundly affected her life, her sexuality, her view of herself as a woman.......I am not surprised you can't keep it in anymore and hope you find some space here to being to release your feelings.



peace
Beccy


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#183783 - 10/01/07 04:39 PM Re: hello im new [Re: beccy]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
Beccy, Thanks for posting I was hoping one of the women in the group would. I was doing the best I could to try to help but I know that you ladys would most likely be more helpful. I think your experience will be of great help. I hope I have not ask the wrong questions and run scorpiogurl off it is clear she need somewhere to turn for help.


Brokensoul


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#183784 - 10/01/07 04:43 PM Re: hello im new [Re: brokensoul]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
wow i dont know what to say, no you havent run me off, im really surprised that anyones reaching out like this, im not used to talking about this and didnt really expect anyone to reply or understand or even be curious or want to help.


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#183785 - 10/01/07 04:44 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
beccy what you said there really hit the nail on the head, i cant address it right now because im feeling overwhelmed, it might not seem like a big deal but to me it is, i mean you pretty much said exactly how i feel but couldnt find the words. or maybe i do have the words but im just afraid to say them. i dont know, wow.


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#183786 - 10/01/07 04:46 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
beccy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
I am sending you a PM....


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#183789 - 10/01/07 04:48 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
was i abused too? i dont know, maybe, seems like it, everything points to "yes" but i have no real memories, but how much does it really matter? i have to deal with what i know right now, not what i think, its so frustrating and confusing and overwhelming and no matter what i do i cant get it out of my head, the only things that work are alcohol and loud music! even then sometimes it sneaks its way back in.
i hope i havent said too much here already, i kind of feel like i have.


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#183790 - 10/01/07 04:50 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
You have not said too much, in fact here there is no such thing as too much. It is always just enough.

You are not alone and we will listen.

Beccy is a wonderful person to connect with.

Keep opening up ---

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#183791 - 10/01/07 04:57 PM Re: hello im new [Re: kellygtx]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
scorpiogurl,

Trust me on one thing this is a safe and friendly place. When I made my first post here I just wanted to thank everyone that helped me just by sharing their lives and story's that I read and I was not sure that I would post again. But I quickly felt the brotherly and sisterly type love that this forum has. Right now I think it is most important to deal with what is right in front of you and deal with the rest as you can.

Brokensoul.



Edited by brokensoul (10/01/07 04:58 PM)

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#183812 - 10/01/07 05:53 PM Re: hello im new [Re: brokensoul]
beccy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
However much or little you write here is ok. One word or hundreds.....


I can tell you are feeling very anxious and needing some peace from the noise of it all. Please be kind to yourself. What you are dealing with is obviously causing you to feel greatly unsettled, so for now, it is understandable you would need to just deal with what you know at this moment.



We are all here to offer support




peace
Beccy


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#183827 - 10/01/07 07:10 PM Re: hello im new [Re: beccy]
violet Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 118
Loc: US
scorpiogurl,

sorry i wasn't around earlier to see your posts. there are several ladies who post on here. sometimes it may seem like it is hard to fit in and we all understand how that feels. i only came across the MS site in July. when you are trying to process what you saw or remember what you saw...it can be both confusing and exhausting. you feel like you must deal with it but it is so hard...so please, feel free to post any questions here.

and it is a wonderful thing that you have found the courage to try to piece things together. there are so many emotions that go along with abuse (or the knowledge of abuse) shame, fear, guilt, etc... i hope you are able to find some support and friendship here.

Violet

_________________________
I was silent as a child, and silenced as a young woman; I am taking my lumps and bumps for being a big mouth, now, but usually from those whose opinion I don't respect. - Sandra Cisneros

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#183866 - 10/01/07 09:06 PM Re: hello im new [Re: violet]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
Scorpiogurl,
I too an fairly new to this wonderful place and also was not sure where (if anywhere) I could fit in. These amazing courageous people have opened their hearts to me and to you as well. Sorting it all out is an exhausting journey but with the love support and understanding of the people here, i'am still scared, but i KNOW i am not alone anymore. Please keep posting and visiting and reading the site. It has helped me so much and I know it can be of comfort to you too. PM me anytime.
WE ARE HERE AND WE UNDERSTAND.
M:)

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

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#183911 - 10/01/07 10:45 PM Re: hello im new [Re: mmac]
savemyfam Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 144
Loc: Chicago
Scorpiogurl,

You have found yourself many friends in this community - welcome. We discuss, share and support each other in MANY aspects of life, so you fit in perfectly well!!

Share what you need to when you need to - we're always here!!

Angie

_________________________
God has a plan for me, I trust in God's plan.

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#183933 - 10/01/07 11:52 PM Re: hello im new [Re: savemyfam]
ptsdwife Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/25/07
Posts: 45
Scorpiogurl,

I'm here for you too.... = )

I discover this site 2 months a go... it help me survived thru my darkest day and nights... there was someone here for me 24-7

Please feel free to reach out to all of us, we are here for each other

= )


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#183977 - 10/02/07 07:46 AM Re: hello im new [Re: ptsdwife]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
thanks everyone, i dont know what to say about all of this. i dont want to stay here and deal with this shit but im tired of putting it off. i know in my heart that everything i do today and everything i am is directly related somehow to what i saw, what may have happened, i dont know if that makes any sense, i still dont know if i even belong here, maybe im just fucking crazy. im digusted with myself but you'd never know that if you knew me, im totally different on the outside to my friends and family than i am on the inside. everything is perfect on the outside and on the inside i have all of these terrible feelings and thoughts. i dont know, i could just give up trying to figure it all out and keep doing what im doing but thats not getting me anywhere either.


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#183978 - 10/02/07 07:50 AM Re: hello im new [Re: ptsdwife]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
scorpiogurl,

Welcome to Male Survivor and our F&F forum. We have a great group of partners here and I have learned so much from them. You may find sometimes that it takes a bit for people to notice a post, what with work schedules and so on, but hang in there and you will get the support you need.

I am so sorry you had to see someone being abused. I take it this was when you were young. Please don't blame yourself for not saying anything, if this is on your mind. There are a million reasons why that kind of thing can happen.

I can see why you would wonder if you were hurt as well. For exploring this, especially if you have no clear memories, I can't emphasize enough how important it is to be working with a professional therapist. A T will take you through this troubled territory with as little new pain and trauma as possible.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#183979 - 10/02/07 07:55 AM Re: hello im new [Re: roadrunner]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
thanks, right i should find a therapist, i dont think so. and after reading some of the things here, who am i to even be here complaining and feeling bad about it


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#183990 - 10/02/07 08:25 AM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
ScorpioGurl,

You cant keep putting it off...the quicker you face it the closer you are to healing. its not quick and its not fun but the end result can change your life forever!

Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#183993 - 10/02/07 08:38 AM Re: hello im new [Re: pain4ever]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
maybe it happend to you also?

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#183994 - 10/02/07 08:45 AM Re: hello im new [Re: shadowkid]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
yeah but i only have some scattered memorys of that, nothing really specific, i have more specific memories of what happened to him and after that, then it just seems like, well like a void in time, or something, its hard to explain, i just remember staring up out the window for what seemed like days waiting for the sun to come up. lol i sound crazy, sorry, im not really


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#183995 - 10/02/07 08:49 AM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Scorpio..

Thats doesnt sound crazy at all. Its sounds familiar. It sounds like those memories are blocked out...in time you will get those memories back and things wont seem so hazy.

Void in time....I totally understand.

Brian

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#183997 - 10/02/07 08:59 AM Re: hello im new [Re: pain4ever]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
you seem so like oh yeah it happened to me to like oh well? maybe that part of it needs to be addressed more than what happened to him and no way are you crazy ,now me i am crazy so i should know

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#183998 - 10/02/07 09:04 AM Re: hello im new [Re: shadowkid]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Minimizing the abuse...that will get you nowhere its something that you have to deal with because alot of your issues will stem from the abuse.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#183999 - 10/02/07 09:05 AM Re: hello im new [Re: shadowkid]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
youre crazy? well good that makes me feel better, glad im not the only one! lol how can i address something when i dont even have any details or real memories? ive tried pushing myself to remember something, anything, and when it gets close, well im not ready to really talk about that yet but its like i kind of go away. more craziness lol


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#184003 - 10/02/07 09:09 AM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Going away...disassociating is what I did...its a tough one. Its something your mind is not ready yet to deal with I would think. I had to work my way backward...then i finally got to the deep down issues and started to get memories back, however ScorpioGurl...thats not something I would do on your own. you need to find a Therapist who specialises in abuse who can help you deal with the issues. The therapist can help guide you in your quest to figure out what has happenned in the past...to fill in the blanks.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#184004 - 10/02/07 09:10 AM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Originally Posted By: scorpiogurl
after reading some of the things here, who am i to even be here complaining and feeling bad about it


Actually, almost anyone here will tell you that while it's natural to make comparisons, we almost always do it to try to tell ourselves that our case wasn't so bad after all. Sort of like an excuse for avoiding the need to deal with things.

On top of that, no matter what others have suffered, your own pain remains very important as well. Why? Because it's yours. If it has affected you, then you have the right to make dealing with it a priority and to ask for the help you need.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#184009 - 10/02/07 09:24 AM Re: hello im new [Re: roadrunner]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
ive always been really independant and always done things on my own, never need anyones help for anything and dont even know how to ask. its like people expect me to always be the one who listens and has the answers and i do for other people, just not for myself, but they dont know that. its like as long as im helping other people i dont have to think about my own issues.


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#184010 - 10/02/07 09:28 AM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Right helping others is a great way of avoiding your own issues...i tried that for years. Eventually you have to deal with your own issues. The sooner you do the better your life can be.

Dont be afraid to ask...you have already done that here in a way. Honestly this is something you cant do alone SG. Its time for you to be the one talking not the one listening.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#184012 - 10/02/07 09:33 AM Re: hello im new [Re: pain4ever]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
i dont want to do it alone anymore


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#184013 - 10/02/07 09:38 AM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Then dont...talk to us here once you find the trust...which you will...its time to start seeking a therapist...they wont push you and will let you go at your own pace. Therapy changed my life.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#184015 - 10/02/07 09:43 AM Re: hello im new [Re: pain4ever]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
im afraid to go to therapy


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#184016 - 10/02/07 09:44 AM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
What are you afraid of....I was too...its best to talk it out.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#184017 - 10/02/07 09:47 AM Re: hello im new [Re: pain4ever]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
a lot of things, a few years ago i tried making an appointment with one and i had him on the phone and he wanted me to tell him what the issues were right there, i hung up on him. i made an appointment with another one and then i blew him off, he called the next day to find out if i was okay, i wanted to reach out to him but i just didnt for whatever reason. i dont know, afraid of what they might ask me or what i might not be able to answer, mostly afraid of being vulnerable i guess.


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#184019 - 10/02/07 09:48 AM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
savemyfam Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/17/07
Posts: 144
Loc: Chicago
It's okay to be afraid, however for your well being you need to take that step. It's not going to go away on it's own, it will only get worse. You already took the first couple of steps towards recovery, I have faith in you that you have the strength to take the next step.

By the way, shadowkid is not crazy - he's wonderful and insightful. And you are not crazy either - none of us are, we have banded together to make our lives better. You can do that as well.

I believe in you!!
Angie

_________________________
God has a plan for me, I trust in God's plan.

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#184020 - 10/02/07 09:49 AM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
SG,

Listen I know its tough but when they ask what your issues are just say it has to do with your childhood and you would rather meet face to face before discussing it more. Dont be afraid to get to know the T first...its important to build trust and they dont expect you to open up right away. The first few times is awkward but it will be so helpful once things get ironed out.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#184022 - 10/02/07 09:50 AM Re: hello im new [Re: savemyfam]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
so thats the answer to all of this? therapy? great.
i was joking around with him, sorry if i offended.


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#184024 - 10/02/07 09:51 AM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
its not the answer...its a tool to get to the answer.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#184056 - 10/02/07 11:07 AM Re: hello im new [Re: pain4ever]
violet Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 118
Loc: US
Scorpiogurl,

you also might want to consider checking out a therapist who is a woman if you have trouble talking to a male.

you are not crazy! whatever you witnessed (or possiby experienced) was what was crazy. all the things you have done...not remembering, going away, feeling like other's stories here are so much worse, these are all things you have done to protect yourself.

but now as you realize that you're getting further away from whatever happened, you know in your heart that these things aren't helping to protect you. likely they are making it difficult to concentrate and have relationships, especially if you haven't been able to tell anyone else about what you saw or what happened.

so now you are mustering up the courage to do something about it. don't be discouraged at the thought of therapy. if you broke your leg, you wouldn't put off going to the hospital. scorpiogurl, you are in pain right now. whatever you saw or happened to you was wrong and it has hurt you.

a therapist isn't there to judge you or tell you how messed up your life is. they are trained to give insights. they are there to encourage you. they are there to help you ask the questions you want to ask. no condemning. no pointing.

i think most people have the wrong idea about therapists. they are sterotyped so badly. most therapists i know go into the field because they want to help people find the courage in themselves to change their lives.

back to the broken leg analogy. a doctor's not going to judge you for whatever you did to break your leg. they're going to say now this is going to hurt. we're going to have to do surgery to reset your bones. you'll have to wear a cast and use crutches for awhile, but you will walk again.

scorpiogurl, this may be hard. and you may not be willing to see a therapist yet, or read a book about abuse, but you are here. you obviously want something to change. so at least for now, try to consider that you CAN talk to a therapist. you might have to work yourself up to it. that's ok. there are a lot of people here who have done the same.

but for now, you've got a lot of people rooting for you.

V.

_________________________
I was silent as a child, and silenced as a young woman; I am taking my lumps and bumps for being a big mouth, now, but usually from those whose opinion I don't respect. - Sandra Cisneros

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#184083 - 10/02/07 12:39 PM Re: hello im new [Re: violet]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
thanks violet


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#184085 - 10/02/07 12:41 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
actually i have a hard time talking to women and an easier time talking with men, im not sure why, i know its because of how i feel inside but im not sure where that feeling comes from. abuse? maybe? who knows. thanks for saying im not crazy


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#184086 - 10/02/07 12:42 PM Re: hello im new [Re: violet]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
Hello Scorpiogurl,

I can see everyone has gotten you off to a good start. I thought I would pop in and say that The advice given for you to find a good
T to help guide you through all of this is the best way to do it. I have never talked to a T but I have had other people to talk to but this is the hard long way around. I hope you keep posting here so you have support that is important. Take your time don't rush yourself. If you need to talk someone will be here but as Larry said(aka roadrunner) it may take a bit for someone to get back to you but you will not be ignored.

As for memories I can remember all but the first time I was abused. I only have a brief flashback from that time but from that I was able to but that part of the puzzle together so I know what happened even though I can't remember it. It may take time and some work but it is sometimes possible to put things together even without clear memories.

Anyhow know you have friends now that will not judge you or cast you out for what you have been through. We are here always.

Take much care.

Brokensoul


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#184101 - 10/02/07 01:12 PM Re: hello im new [Re: brokensoul]
scorpiogurl Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/01/07
Posts: 22
Loc: MA
thanks brokensoul
i remember the first time when it happened to my cousin, it was his dad (my uncle) after that i dont remember anything but i know it was strange and feeling all wrong, i know that after a while i wasnt allowed to spend time with my cousin anymore, i know i have hardly any childhood memories at all, just really vague ones here and there but nothing that seems real, when i think back everything seems normal on the surface but feels horrible underneath, and mostly i know how i feel now. i was afraid of my cousin, wouldnt want to be alone with him but couldnt tell you why. theres a lot of different things that happened or places i went that just feel "funny" but i dont know why. its frustrating.


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#184140 - 10/02/07 03:59 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
scorpiogurl,

One of the reasons that everyone is recommending a good therapist is because sometimes as a person starts to really work on healing they can trip something that causes a flood of memories and emotion. This can feel like your standing in front of an avalanche. This can make you want to give up even before any real healing begins. But once so much gets out you can't just fold it up and put it back so you are forced to deal with all of it at one time. A therapist would help guide you in a way that you will only have to work on this at a rate that you can handle so you don't get too flooded. But if it does happen you would have someone to turn to quickly to get help. I don't know if you have have someone you trust in your life right now but if you can't get a T you should talk to a person that you trust and let them know that you may need their support so they will know to watch over you and be prepared to help you. Everyone here will tell you that every person is different in how they deal with their abuse. You will find help and support here as well don't be afraid to reach out for it if you need it.

It is a shame that you don't feel safe communicating with your cousin the two of you could help each other to work through this and maybe fill in some blank spots in each others memories. But I would not recommend it unless you both were talking to a therapist because that would likely trigger a flood like I have touched on.

Know we are here for you,

Brokensoul.


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#184159 - 10/02/07 04:51 PM Re: hello im new [Re: scorpiogurl]
ptsdwife Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/25/07
Posts: 45
believed me .. we need you too.

You make us see the other side!! We are all in this together = )


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#184201 - 10/02/07 07:41 PM Re: hello im new [Re: ptsdwife]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Hi Scorpiogurl and welcome to the boards. This is a good place and as you can see, no one here judges and everyone tries to help each other.

I can only echo what the others have said. Brokensoul explained the reasons for a good T in a beautiful and very concise way. It's something to think about. Even if you weren't abused yourself, you witnessed a very traumatic event. Trying to deal with it on your own would be a herculean effort. Children can have their trust in adults demolished in many ways. Witnessing the abuse of your cousin would certainly rank way up there.

ROCK ON........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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