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#18369 - 11/07/02 09:43 AM Don't read if you can't stand whining
mTm Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/26/02
Posts: 14
Loc: Dallas Texas
So much stress!!!!

My wife is gone, my children are gone, and I'm sitting here wondering how all of this happened. I never thought it would ever be this way. (No one does). Absolutely broke, no money for even the basics of life. Now I know how the homeless feel. I want to run away myself.

My pay at work was cut in half to $10.00 an hour; a backlog of bills and NSF fees; hell, I can't even afford therapy. Late on my house payment, car payments, and trying to support 5 people on my pay! How fucked up. Trying to find another job, but the Houston job market is flat! Thanks ENRON.

Jesus, all I need is a fucking break!!!! 21 years in the military, an Armored Platoon Sergeant, and none of the skills I used in that position translated into civilian life. Job outlook sucks.

I want to get a book to help me understand why I am the way I am and can't even pay for it.

I went to a consumer credit counseling interview to get help……..they told me I don't make enough money to pay my bills and they couldn't help me, NO SHIT!

No support from my friends, (don't have any), no support from my wife's family, (they all say I shouldn't have ignored her), no support from my wife (she emailed her FUCK BUDDY saying among other things; she was getting wet thinking about him, and then printed it and left it on my bed so I would see it.) I hacked her email account and read all of her and her FB's emails (very graphic accounts of their Fuck Sessions). She admitted to having sex with him almost every night she was out, although she said it was “just fucking, not having sex, or making love”. I emailed her FB and he said, “She was a great piece of ass, nothing more.” What's really bizarre is that I still love her and can forgive her. After all, I had a one night stand a few years ago and told her of it (the night before she started screwing her FB). I told her I masturbated every day to punish her (we hardly ever had sex). I pulled away from her when she touched me; I hardly ever touched her.

She was with me when I realized (recovered) my memories of my fathers SA with me. She was the one who questioned me about it. We had talked a few times about why I had porn videos, about my father having porn in his house when I was young; questioning why I wanted to have a threesome with another man (I still don't know why, although I thought it would please her sexually). She thought I was gay and was suppressing it.

I guess I'm venting; trying to get all of this shit out of my head! This is the only way I know how to do it.

I'm seeing my therapist twice a week, and I hope she will work with me for free…….this is soooooo fucked up!!!!!

I'm sorry to dump all of my fucked up problems on y'all. I feel like I'm whining!

“On the road to recovery, and I can't crank the fucking car”


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#18370 - 11/07/02 01:40 PM Re: Don't read if you can't stand whining
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
mTm
We've got the jump leads to crank it over,

You just keep venting and coming here for support, you'll get it.
Whining, hell we've heard whining before.

But seriously, I feel for your major dumping. But your Army training should tell you NOT to give in, but look around and see what you can salvage.
Stick with the therapy at all costs.

Keep coming here, we're right with you.

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#18371 - 11/07/02 02:02 PM Re: Don't read if you can't stand whining
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
mTm

Boy do I hear you. You are not whining. I am feeling the same way about a lot of things. I got fired because I had a supervosor at work that treated me the same way that one of my perps. did. I am on a COBRA plan at wrok right now .... but that will expire in February. I will be without health insurance ..... and still have therapy bills, medication bills and just the regular bills for living. I look back to before the S A and things were going great for me. I owned a house, had just paid cash for a new car, was in my junior year of college. Well, my perp(s) decided to ruin that for me. They all live in nice fancy houses and I live in a small one bedroom apartment. I feel the same way ..... and getting justice from the legal system .... it doesn't happen. I am trying to get the church to at least pay for my therapy ( church abuse) but my attorney tells me it is going to be a tough battle. ( Oh yes ... we need to add attorney bills into the formula) I too don't know where to turn for financial help. I think that creditors all need to face the same things we are .... layoff from a job, reduction in income, no health insurance. Maybe then they would see how hard it is having someone calling you ... harassing you for money that you just don't have.

Good luck. I keep telling myself it has to get better.

John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

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#18372 - 11/07/02 02:58 PM Re: Don't read if you can't stand whining
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
mTm, can you get any help from the VA. I mean career help. Could you look into Vocatiojnal REhabilitation. Some places have good programs for that.

I do not know if you are near a city, but large cities have some thing similar to 211 or First Call for Help etc. They know every resource there is and whether or not they do what they say they do.

I feel that your wife is abusing you--or was before she left you. That would be mental torment for me--especially when you say you still love her.

I feel impotent. There is nothing I can do to help you and that is a bad feeling.

I'll keep trying to think of the ways I help people in Milwaukee who have similar problems. We do have 211 and they are such a great resource.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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