sorry about that. When I use the word "we" I am refering to my wife...most of the time, that is. We have been together so long...is just so natural, I guess.

I know that I am a lucky man in many ways because I have had a steady anchor of sorts to hold on to. But it sure has been hard on her, has effected her in many negitive ways. Honesty it amazes me sometimes that we are still together and reasonablly happy.

After befriending many men in our situations and reading the countless accounts of lives here, I know many who have major problems with relationships. Again, I am lucky because I happened to find a woman who was so selfless, she gave me the space I needed to explore, fuck up and then return. If it had been another kind of woman, it may never have turned out this way, if you know what I mean.

Of course putting my wife through all the shit I caused has produced more guilt, shame...gee, that is all any of us here need...more shame and guilt. But I am working very hard to diminish that as well...jake

Hi Jake,

I'm fairly new here too. But I can understand the guilt, shame, confusion, etc. As the other person said, abuse is like a train wreck, it only takes once to do a lot of damage. And a lot of us thought abusers were 'friends', since it seemed to minimize the harm (there's another post on that subject here too). Anyway, glad you're married, have a supportive wife, seem to be headed in the right direction.

Ed