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#183478 - 09/29/07 09:28 PM Re: Anyone else Paranoid for kids? [Re: mmac]
violet Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 118
Loc: US
My spouse was not with me, but a trusted family member who knows the circumstances was.

But I think I will not go there for awhile.

The suspicion never ends.

V.

_________________________
I was silent as a child, and silenced as a young woman; I am taking my lumps and bumps for being a big mouth, now, but usually from those whose opinion I don't respect. - Sandra Cisneros

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#183485 - 09/29/07 10:11 PM Re: Anyone else Paranoid for kids? [Re: violet]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
I think it is very important to have an open discussion with kids. telling your kids that they can tell you anything is a good step but you have to do more than that. You have to make sure your children feel comfortable telling you something. Kids are good at reading body language if they can tell your or even just think that you are uncomfortable talking about some things with them, they might think that you really dont want to hear about it in the future.

,Chris


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#183486 - 09/29/07 10:17 PM Re: Anyone else Paranoid for kids? [Re: theatrekid]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
To add to this: kids are pretty sharp. Talking about good touch vs. bad touch might be pretty anemic if they are afraid for their lives. Always make sure your kids know that 1) you will believe them and 2) you are not going to make them confront the abuser and 3) you are not going to put them into any situation where it is their word against their abuser's word.

If they are in a bad situation and they think there is *any* possibility of that happening, they're going to shut up and shut down.

Sorry if this is brutal...


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#183488 - 09/29/07 10:47 PM Re: Anyone else Paranoid for kids? [Re: testingWaters]
brokensoul Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/28/07
Posts: 101
testingWaters,

The way you put it is not brutal but it is truthful. We are the ones the world should listen to about how to protect children from CSA because each of us together have a wealth of knowledge that we want to share to protect others.

GWsurvives,
I like the idea of changing paranoid to vigilant.


Brokensoul.


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#183502 - 09/30/07 02:29 AM Re: Anyone else Paranoid for kids? [Re: brokensoul]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
In my opinion, a child who is not receiving the affirmation, love, and gentle guidance from their parents is many times more likely to fall into situations where they can become sexual abuse victims. That is not to say that children who do have a supportive home environment are immune.

Yes Violet, I fear for children no matter what, but I have to keep the Serenity Prayer in mind otherwise I could go nuts.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#183986 - 10/02/07 08:12 AM Re: Anyone else Paranoid for kids? [Re: WalkingSouth]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Violet,

My kids were born in the mid-80s, so we were raising them right at the time when child abuse, especially of boys and especially by people known to the child, was gaining more and more public attention. We didn't feel there was a lot of specific guidance out there, so we did what we could. We told them no touching secret should be kept, that touching places covered by a swim suit is not allowed, and that if anything happens that makes them feel uncomfortable they should come to us right away. We checked out babysitters, never let either of them go to the toilet in a store unaccompanied, and so on.

But I think John absolutely nails it when he speaks of how important it is for a kid to feel special, wanted, loved, and cared for at home. Kids yearn for that, and if they don't get those feelings at home they will be that much more vulnerable to the lies and enticements of predators.

Violet I don't know how old your children are, but these days there are quite a few books out there for children of all ages, containing age-appropriate information, guidance and opportunities for discussions with Mom and Dad. You can check about these with your doctor, a local social services department, or online from the SPCC, I would think.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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