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#245322 - 08/18/08 02:51 AM Re: Still a secret [Re: dark empathy]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2439
Loc: TEXAS
Well I must say that this old guy hasen't learned much in his 69 years on this earth, I don't seem to be able to take all the information posted on these pages, and make a good decision. I told my wife (35) yrs married, as she wanted (ME) for her 71st birthday present, she has seen my pain in my eyes, no matter how I try and mask it. So I told her, short and simple that I was a victim of child sexual abuse, by my mother and other males, she just couldn't comprehend what I was saying. I told her I loved her, I told her that what ever is going on inside me isn't her fault. So far I haven't felt a warmness nor understanding from her. So I probably should just have kept my secret from her. Maybe it will take her more time for it to realy sink into her mind. Maybe honestly isn't the best policy after all.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#245323 - 08/18/08 03:02 AM Re: Still a secret [Re: petercorbett]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Pete,

I'm so sorry this didn't go well for you. I hope your wife is able to let it sink in then respond to you more affirmingly. It's very difficult when disclosing doesn't go as we want it to. I've had the same kind of problem telling my mom.

edit: Dang spell checker! I meant more affirmingly not alarmingly which is what spell checker changed it too! I'm sorry for how this completely change what I was trying to say.

Mike



Edited by Barkabus (08/18/08 11:55 AM)
_________________________
My Story

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#245342 - 08/18/08 08:48 AM Re: Still a secret [Re: Barkabus]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2439
Loc: TEXAS
Hi Mike,
Well just a short hour and a half ago at lunch she asked me why I didn't tell her when we got married, well it was still buried in my soul and brain, 35 yrs ago. Why did I tell my very closest friends first? (Because we were military brothers) and we knew more about each other than there wifes or kids did. Besides telling a loved one has many risks. So I said well YOU want ME for your birthday, Ok I'll tell you more and just MAYBE you'll understand, so I read her My Secret My Story, posted on another page, now if she doesn't understand just why I've treated her the way that I do she never will. So I read it to her I explained in detail just what they did to me and what I did to them, I read the whole BOY story, well I didn't get the response that I thought I would, like wow now I understand where you are coming from, a warm embrace, a I love you too. Nope. Now she is watching a "love" story soap opera on TV. Maybe it's PAYBACK time from her to me for not showing her the same emotions that I have (and still do) to my (our) son, 35 yrs old, or to his (my) two boys 7&8. Hugs and kisses, I love you. But I had a hell of a time saying those words and deeds to her. So at 69 yrs of age I still have a lot to learn. Wishing you well Mike, I sure hope that someday we'll all get the serenety and peace that all us then BOYS now MEN deserve.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#245370 - 08/18/08 12:01 PM Re: Still a secret [Re: petercorbett]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Pete,

You were very brave to read your story to your wife. I am proud of you. And again, I'm sorry for her immediate reaction...or non-reaction. I think she is showing that she does need time to process this shocking information. I hope and pray she will come around and embrace you, support you, accept you, and try to understand even if only a little bit the profound hurt and turmoil that you have lived for over 35 years.

I'm sorry for screwing up my previous post. I have corrected it to say what I meant it to say.

Blessings!
Mike

_________________________
My Story

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#247384 - 08/30/08 06:20 AM Re: Still a secret [Re: Barkabus]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2439
Loc: TEXAS
Hi Mike,
Well I had my third therapy session last Wednesday, my wife was with me and my therapist spent almost all of the session with her and her feelings toward me now. Well I sure got an ear full, she was about to leave me, and she couldn't quite understand why I didn't tell her when we got married. He explained it to her, like I explained it to her also. It was still buried in the deepest part of my mind and soul, and something triggered me and it started to come back to me. I was hell toward everybody around me with the exception of my two boys (grand children), I seem to get some sort of serenity around them. Well he got to the root of just why she was going to leave, I always have showed more emotions toward our son (35) and the two boys (grand children) 7 & 8, every time that I see them I give them hugs and kisses, tell them that I love them. Unfortunately I've never showed that much emotions to her. I have a great problem telling her that I love her, giving her hugs and kisses (which I did on occassions) I can't seem to be able to hold hands with her in public, kiss her in public. I can't get myself to call her honey or dear. It is a tough thing for me. well fortunately after the session she had a better understanding about just what I've ben going through, inside of my self, I am totally consumed by these memories and I (we) have gotten some help. She then gave me a hug and told me that she will try and understand my emotions. I have pledged to better my emotional relations with her. So we are on our way dealing with this together. So my secret is out down to the last detail of what they did to me and what I had done to them.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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