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#182389 - 09/25/07 10:28 PM a child called it
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
It seems like lately things that wouldnt have reminded me of my abuse now do. a while back i watched oliver twist and had to turn it off becuase i was being triggered by it. this has happend to me a few times like when i read kite runner but it wasnt so bad that i had to stop reading.

I have a class at school and the book A Child Called It is required reading. and we have to read the book in class not outside of class.

This book is very graphic in terms of the abuse that the boy goes through.

I am really worried about reading it in class. Its one thing to have memories flash back to me when im by myself. but to have to read this out loud in class i think is going to be very hard for me.

Is it possible for me to read the book without having my own memories come rushing back?


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#182392 - 09/25/07 10:37 PM Re: a child called it [Re: theatrekid]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
the detailed accounts of the abuse weren't as triggering as I thought they would be when I read it.

What was triggering to me was the way his dad reacted to the abuse.

I don't remember any sexual abuse in the book, but I think I might have been in quite a daze over the last half of it. The physical torment, though, was absolutely astounding. If I hadn't lived through some of that crap myself, from a mother who abused me physically and sexually, I would have never believed it possible.

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#182635 - 09/27/07 02:50 AM Re: a child called it [Re: BJK]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
I read this book a couple of years ago , It is one of the best books that I have ever read on child abuse . It is NOT easy to read because of the reality of the abuse . But I could not put it down

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#182729 - 09/27/07 10:19 AM Re: a child called it [Re: OKIE MIKE]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Chris,

In A Child Called It little Dave is never sexually abused and the abuser, his mother, is presented as a clearly unstable person. His brother hardly ever appears, as I recall, and as Bryan says, the negligent role of the father is difficult to handle. For me the worst parts of the book were the places where he describes his reaction to the abuse.

This is one of those moments when you might want to include a safe person on your team. What I mean by that is to ask you if you can tell your teacher you have problems with the book. You wouldn't have to say you were sexually abused. You can just say that the book is too close to some bad parts of your own life and leave it at that. Perhaps you can be assigned to read a part where he is talking about other things.

But if you feel you can't handle the experience at all, I would think you would have a right to ask to be excused from the class. I'm thinking of the parallel example of a class reading out Capote's In Cold Blood when one of the students has lost his parents to murderers.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#182777 - 09/27/07 12:54 PM Re: a child called it [Re: theatrekid]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Originally Posted By: theatrekid

I have a class at school and the book A Child Called It is required reading. and we have to read the book in class not outside of class.


This seems a little imappropriate to me. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that it is appropriate for students of all ages to learn about abuse, but actually reading it in class could be a very inappropriate setting to trigger some students who may have lived through some similar abuse.

I don't think I could go to a class where this was being read aloud.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#182815 - 09/27/07 02:33 PM Re: a child called it [Re: BJK]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11112
Loc: Denver, CO
I agree. Chances are good in a class of 25, there is someone who will relate too well to that book.

A

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#182956 - 09/27/07 08:34 PM Re: a child called it [Re: FormerTexan]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
Its driving me crazy i have had the class twice this week.

i am quite confident that if i was at home alone like in my room with some privacy i could read the book alright... but in a class full of your peers its really hard...

I know the book dosnt have sexual abuse in it but the abuse scenes are still really hard for me to witness and the father not doing anything to stop it. i dont know it really bothers me i think i might go and talk to the teacher. and find out if i can read somthing different.

on the other hand it is somthing i would like to be able to say i was able to overcome and beat. so i will see maybe it will get easier for me next week if not i am going to ask for a different assignment

Thanks guys
,Chris



Edited by theatrekid (09/27/07 08:36 PM)

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#183053 - 09/28/07 04:32 AM Re: a child called it [Re: theatrekid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Chris,

Well, if we apply the estimate that at least one of six boys is abused by the time he is 18, then we are talking about at least three other classmates who may feel as you do but cannot speak out on their own behalf.

I can imagine how difficult the abuse scenes and the father's neglect would be for you, but at the same time I can also see how you would want to get through the book and overcome your feelings about it. One thing you might want to consider here is that when you say you would like to press on, are you stuffing back your feelings, like so many guys do at first, and telling yourself to "get over it"?

You begin here by saying:

Originally Posted By: theatrekid
Its driving me crazy i have had the class twice this week.

i am quite confident that if i was at home alone like in my room with some privacy i could read the book alright... but in a class full of your peers its really hard...


This is a legitimate feeling, Chris!! You have every right to say to your teacher something like, "Sorry, I have tried to do this but this book is too close to home for me", and then ask for another assignment. You don't have to mention sexual abuse, and you don't even have to confirm that something happened to you personally. The problem would then be to find another assignment and an explanation for your absence or non-participation in the class.

I stress this because these days you are laying down the patterns and foundations you will be building on for your continuing work on your recovery in the future. It IS important for a guy to learn to ask for the help he needs and acknowledge and own his feelings. I know so often in my own past I refused to do either and all it got me was new pain and trauma. I thought to myself, well, that's what I deserve, that's what this stuff is like. Or else I figured I had to "be a man" and get on with things.

But it's not true, bro. We do have a right, just like everyone else, to seek a path through life that brings us contentment and peace as opposed to distress and turmoil.

As is so often the case in such things there's no easy way forward here. I just hope you will give this some honest thought and decide on the way that really works for you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#183239 - 09/28/07 08:30 PM Re: a child called it [Re: roadrunner]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
Larry,

I promise to give it some honest thought. i dont have the class until Monday so if by then i still feel like i can't read it then i will ask him for a different assignment. I dont think i am just stuffing back my feelings trying to get over it... but i have not really thought about it that way so maybe i am. anyways i have tell Monday at 9:35am to make up my mind so thanks for the help I'll keep you posted on what I decide to do


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