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#182289 - 09/25/07 12:59 PM I've had it with my T
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
What am I doing wrong?
I can't talk to him.
I feel like he's taken some things I've said in a personal way.
I just cancelled today's appt and he wants me to pay for this appt.
That is fine but he also mentioned another lost appt from I don't know when. Why bring it up NOW? Can we wait until we meet next week to talk about this? I feel like is getting back at me with this.
I really don't know if I am going back to see him.
And this of course has to happen on the busiest day I've had with everyone talking to me at work wanting things done and having to handle multiple projects and everyone's in a shitty mood.
I don't know if I want to go back to my T this is really pissiing me off. I don't feel I am getting anywhere and I am running out of money. My insurance is not paying for this. I am making an honest effort. This is just not working.
Now what will happen if I stop therapy? Or look for another therapist.
I feel so frustrated today.



Edited by rcm (09/25/07 01:01 PM)
_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

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#182303 - 09/25/07 02:27 PM Re: I've had it with my T [Re: rcm]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
What about support groups in your area? You live in a big city, surely there must be one for you?


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#182317 - 09/25/07 04:44 PM Re: I've had it with my T [Re: Hauser]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
I haven't tried a support group yet. I thought about it but I kind of chickened out. I need to think about this one again. Thanks Hauser, that's a good suggestion.

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

Top
#182330 - 09/25/07 06:11 PM Re: I've had it with my T [Re: rcm]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
RCM,
There is a therapist in Brookline, MA who has alot of experience in Male Survivor issues. I've met her at the Weekends of Recovery for MS, she's a facilitator and she is a very kind nice person. Her name is Mikele Rauch, you should call her and see what she can do for you, maybe she is close enough for you to see her or she can give a referral to someone closer and maybe some leads on support groups I don't know.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/resource-directory/view-professional.php?id=70

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#182344 - 09/25/07 08:27 PM Re: I've had it with my T [Re: rcm]
MusicMan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/23/03
Posts: 144
Loc: Elmira, NY
rmc,

I'm not sticking up for your therapist, but he has the business aspect of his practice to run. Whenever patients don't show, it is lost time for him if he does not have someone to fill that time slot.

Whether he is taking things that you say personally, I don't know. Therapists are only people, too. If he is, that is not very professional on his part.

If there is some resentment on your part with him, then you won't open up to him. It sounds like that is the case. Since it seems as though that has happened, then you need to find someone else. I would recommend finding someone who has a lot of experience treating CSA. I don't know if you have a preference working with a male or a female, but check out the yellow pages and get exactly what you want. It is your recovery and your life. Don't settle for second best. Maybe you could even find someone who would accept your insurance,if you have any.

I wish you well, my friend. You deserve the best care.

God bless,
John, The Music Man


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#182490 - 09/26/07 02:13 PM Re: I've had it with my T [Re: MusicMan]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
John,
I am not arguing against paying for missed appts.
It just triggered me that he brings it up NOW.
I don't want to worry abou this when I am falling apart emotionally.
I never miss a payment. And I am paying for this from my own pocket because he doesn't take any f*** insurance. Which by the way is burning a hole in my pocket. I don't knnow if I can keep up with this.
And I want to get value for my money and I really don't think I am getting anywhere.
So I am super frustrated.
And I don't know if I am feeling like this because it's a normal part of the process or if I should look for a new T or take a break or what. HOw do I tell the difference? I am totally lost.

_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

Top
#182500 - 09/26/07 02:50 PM Re: I've had it with my T [Re: rcm]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
rcm,

I can tell you that from my own experience that one factor that made for a great T was empathy. My T always understood and accepted my erratic behavior in the early days, and I was never made to feel that my therapy was a matter of money for her. As a result of that I felt accepted just as I was: Larry late again, Larry who bailed on his last appointment, Larry who wrote down the wrong day. I felt like I was allowed to be hurting, scared, confused and insecure.

If your T gives you other impressions then I would say that the connection vital for real progress may not be there. Think about it. Perhaps you need to consider a different therapist. A T should help you feel better about being you, not worse.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#182749 - 09/27/07 11:25 AM Re: I've had it with my T [Re: roadrunner]
sportinrucks Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 422
Loc: Louisiana
RCM, Ive been with different T's who really I felt no relationship with because, well theyre not going through what Im going through. So I found a support group and met a therapist there who was a survivor, so Im seeing her Monday!!!!!!!


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#183194 - 09/28/07 03:23 PM Re: I've had it with my T [Re: rcm]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5775
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA

Quote:
I just cancelled today's appt and he wants me to pay for this appt.
Quote:


What's his policy on cancellation? Many say you need 24 hour notice. I only charge for a no-show, so even if someone has a last minute illness, car problems, has to stay late at work, I don't charge. However, if people are chronic last minute cancellers, I might tell them they need to give me 24 hr notice. Can't think of any situations lately that I had to do that.

If you were told of a 24 hr cancellation and you cancelled in less than that, you are responsible. However, my position is that if I get a cancellation, it also gives me time to write reports or do other things. My office is in my house, so I can even take a nap. If I worked distance and a cancellation meant that I made the trip for nothing, I'd be a little miffed.

Read "The Consumer's Guide to Therapist Shopping" on this site and see if your t is being reasonable. Otherwise, maybe check out Mikele. She's good.
Ken


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#183205 - 09/28/07 04:08 PM Re: I've had it with my T [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
rcm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
.



Edited by rcm (09/29/07 10:35 AM)
_________________________
______________________________________________
Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

Top
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