Andy has made a vital point I think:
I guess it would be unrealistic to think that 30+ years of hiding this will go away that fast.
Be gentle with yourself, accept and appreciate the progress you can make, and try to keep at it. Most of all, don't run yourself down or lose heart because things seem difficult: recovery from childhood sexual abuse is one of the most difficult and challenging things a guy can do.
It feels like crap because it is
crap. It feels difficult because it really is. One thing that has always helped me is to look around and see all the other guys trying their best and struggling the same as me. It does help when you see you're not alone.