I was 5 also and I don't get it either. I don't know what the fuck an adult can see in a 5yo. at all. It still kills me and i dont get it either but thnx for sharing it. I wish I had something more to say I just wanted to say that I have the same thoughs and I dont get it. What is so appealing about a 5yo. Fuck it! sry it didnt trigger me to anything i haven't thought about before but Damn it it makes me sick to think about why the fuck me--what was it that said i won't tell or i will not fight you. What was it that made him choose me--Sry to rant!

I was a teen but my wife was 5 or 6 when CSA started.

I was "the man of the house" so I can in some respects get my head around it. She was targeted by everyone in her family - that I cannot fathom.

How about opportunity, like a next door neighbor babysitter who just wants to have a little fun with friends and your the fun. For a while I stayed with my mat. grandparents who sold illegal liquor which brought in an interesting crowd. At lest one of these gentlemen seemed to be as interested in me as he was in the liquor, at lest we were paid for the liquor. Once again opportunity. Then there was the service station where granddaddy would first cuss me out to put on a show for the boys, I'm sure they were amused, then he would sit down and run his mouth telling what ever stories came to mind. From that point forward, it would never cross his mind that he had a grandson which was quite satifying to some of his friends who were far more interested in me than in his stories. Again there is opportunity. My parents came and got me and took me home where my pat. grandfather decided it was his turn fo the next decade. He lived across the field from us. Once again there is opportunity. A short tale of my life from 2 to 13. Some times all you have to be is there.

Perps have a built in instinct as to who is vulnerable ... of that I am quite sure.

Kirk

I agree with you Kirk. It was if I had a sign on my back that said "abuse me" or something.

I have thought about this a lot, and I still beat myself up asking what was there about me that said "Grab this one", "This one will be easy", "This one will be too scared even to cry", whatever. Maybe we do that because of course we see our own abuse history as the center of everything. But for the abuser isn't it just a matter of opportunity? Okay, an abuser may identify a target and wait for the perfect moment, but end of the day the target could have been anybody else as well as one of us.

Having said that, I know it must sound unconvincing for guys who were hurt by family members. Being a little kid in a family should have made you special, not an easier victim. So maybe I am just creating a scenario that reassures me.

Fuck! Back to square one I guess.

To return to you questions Nyjah, I have no idea how anyone could hurt a defenseless child - I just have no answer. On the possibility that the guy who hurt you wanted to rob you of all your self-esteem, there might be something to that. I read somewhere that sometimes abusers are taking revenge for things that happened to them in their own lives. But who knows. The important thing now is to keep working on your recovery and reject anything that is just going to bring you more hurt. That is the best way to show your abuser that at the end of the day it is him and not you who is the loser.

Larry

animals and prey springs to mind, sorry, no, animals would not stoop so low.

ste

They were opportunists - we were the opportunity...it could have been anyone!

Best wishes ..Rik

Brothers,

I agree with u all. , boy it hurts to think about though.