Newest Members
andrewmartin, Aurigny, Luther, LuckyCharm, Jennifer Lyons
12251 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Beyond Abuse (51), dona (55), JoMiFa (35), norbrill1 (62), RubyRoberts (62)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 43 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12252 Members
73 Forums
63106 Topics
441313 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#182416 - 09/26/07 03:51 AM Progress??
BruisedSpirit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 192
Loc: Ontario, Canada
It's been a while since I last posted here. I've been trying to work on some things but I'm having a really hard time seeing any good coming from my efforts.

I had worked so hard, and worried so much, about my disclosure to my GF that when I finally told her - she's the only person I've ever told - I felt like I had taken a giant step forward. Unfortunately, since then I feel like I've slipped back, and back, and back. It doesn't seem to matter what I do, I just don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.

I've been struggling to control my self-destructive behaviors and I've tried to distance myself from my old methods of coping.

Without going into detail, I've removed all of the things around me that I used to use to cope when I felt this way (alcohol, drugs, porn, etc, etc). The problem is, now that I'm trying to cope in a more healthy way, I realize that I don't really know how to do that.

I am so frustrated right now.

I had a huge triggering event a few weeks ago and it sent me reeling.

After it happened, I could, literally, feel myself shutting everything out again. I thought it was just a temporary feeling, that it would pass, but it seems to be getting worse as time goes by. I've been experiencing extremely vivid flashbacks about my abuse, I'm constantly depressed and I'm really not feeling very good about myself or my place in the world.

On top of everything else that's going on, I'm faced with another issue that I don't quite know how to handle.

My nephew's birthday is today. He's seven years old - the same age I was when my abuse began - and that fact is very upsetting to me.

I don't know how much more I can take right now.

I have so much more I could write, but I'd be here all night. I just needed to get some of this off my chest, and I thank anyone who has taken the time to read what I have written.

It's funny, I'm still never sure if I should write anything on here. I can't help but feel like I'm bothering everyone...I guess that's something else I have to work on.

Anyways, thanks again for being here.

If anyone has any thoughts, comments or suggestions, I'm all ears.


Top
#182466 - 09/26/07 11:45 AM Re: Progress?? *DELETED* [Re: BruisedSpirit]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Post deleted by ttoon

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

Top
#182472 - 09/26/07 12:03 PM Re: Progress?? [Re: ttoon]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
wheni first came here and saw guys that been here for years i thought well that wont be me im ok im just gonna talk to people and everything will be ok . i'll just hang out till im better.its been two years im just as confused as i was then maybe more .

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#182580 - 09/26/07 08:51 PM Re: Progress?? [Re: shadowkid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

You will be amused to know what I thought when I first showed up here. I saw all these guys who were dealing with things that were also troubling me and I decided, Oh okay, I will hang here a few weeks, figure everything out, and be gone in a few weeks! Little did I know...

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#182581 - 09/26/07 08:53 PM Re: Progress?? [Re: roadrunner]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Scott,

I don't recall whether you are in therapy, but I can tell you that was crucial for me. Before I was with a T I could really trust and connect with, I could take a few big decisions but then have no idea how to consolidate them or put them to any use. It was my T who got me to focus and move forward, rather than drifting from one crisis to the next.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#190181 - 11/06/07 11:25 AM Re: Progress?? [Re: roadrunner]
BruisedSpirit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 192
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted By: roadrunner
Scott,

I don't recall whether you are in therapy, but I can tell you that was crucial for me. Before I was with a T I could really trust and connect with, I could take a few big decisions but then have no idea how to consolidate them or put them to any use. It was my T who got me to focus and move forward, rather than drifting from one crisis to the next.

Much love,
Larry



Larry,

I've been giving your advice a lot of thought lately. I have not yet sought the help of a T, I'm not really sure why. I keep saying I'm too scared to talk to anybody about what happened. Scared of what...embarrassment...feeling helpless...not having control? I don't know...
Really, how do I know when I'm ready? Maybe I'll never really be ready, maybe I need to force myself to go, ready or not.


Top
#190187 - 11/06/07 11:40 AM Re: Progress?? [Re: BruisedSpirit]
BruisedSpirit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 192
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Oh yeah, I really should mention... In my original post on this thread, I was worried about my reaction to my nephew's birthday. Well, I went to his birthday party and I had a really, really good time. I am so glad I went to the party, I got to act like a kid! It was sooo much fun!


Top
#190189 - 11/06/07 12:21 PM Re: Progress?? [Re: BruisedSpirit]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
BruisedSpirit,

Hello.

I would also advise you to find a theraist. This will help you. Try several ones and stop when you will find the most comfortable person who will make you think and feel about your issues.

The process of therapist shopping is interesting. It is challenging and demanding one's courage, but it is rewarding.

Thanks for this post.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.