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#182471 - 09/26/07 12:02 PM Re: self cutting [Re: caointeoir]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
You have done nothing wrong i'm only feeling helpless and this is my only vent right now.

You have no need to be sorry.

I hate acting out this way although it's real new for me in that the behavior is confusing but yet freeing if that makes sense.

Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#182473 - 09/26/07 12:06 PM Re: self cutting [Re: thecoopstah]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
everybody we ever encountered cut us in some way why should we treat ourselves any different?

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#182474 - 09/26/07 12:08 PM Re: self cutting [Re: shadowkid]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I agree entirely....but why....and i need to stop however that is i may never know....

Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#182484 - 09/26/07 01:45 PM Re: self cutting [Re: thecoopstah]
MusicMan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/23/03
Posts: 144
Loc: Elmira, NY
Guys,

As I said before, I have been there, too. It appears that all of us who are attached to this thread agree...cutting is a bad thing.

It is very clear that both of you want to stop. So, at least the desire is there. One main thing that you have to do is tell on yourself before you act. Talk to someone first and tell that person how you are feeling. Let someone help get your head in a different direction. When you are having those feelings of cutting, being alone inside of your head is the worst place to be. Those of us who became addicted to this awful habit are living proof that it can be done.

Coopstah, I'm sure that you are very confused. I know that feeling. For both of you, you talked in terms of feeling out of control with no resplution. Been there, done that. You need to get others involved in this thing, loved ones. Let them help you. Try to figure out what your warning signs are when you normally go into the mode of knowing that you are going to cut. Let others know what those warning signs are. For now, don't try to do this alone. As Kelly inferred, it does get easier as time goes by.

Again, stress is the biggest trigger/catalyst to igniting this addiction. Be good to yourselves. Take it easy. Set boundaries for yourselves. As long as you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got. You have to make some lifestyle changes. We all do. I know that most of my problems stem from CSA. That junk has captivated my life in most ways. Things that were done to me and all of us were despicable. However, it does not change the fact that we are what we are and where we are in life. If we want to have the best lives that we can have, we have make lifestyle changes and adjust to these problems that we have. I work as a therapist. I deal with these things every day. However, what makes me really in the know about this stuff, like Kelly and others, is that I have been there and almost didn't survive. Talk - to - people, make lifestyle adjustments and, for heaven's sake, Slow - down.

If you would like to PM me, I would be happy to talk with either one or both of you, too. Take care of yourselves.

God bless,
John, The Music Man.


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#182489 - 09/26/07 02:08 PM Re: self cutting [Re: MusicMan]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
John -

Much more elequent then I was. Thank you for taking the time to help.

(((((John, The Music Man)))))

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#182492 - 09/26/07 02:17 PM Re: self cutting [Re: kellygtx]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
I copied the following from the Second Chance web site -

What does it take to stop self injuring yourself? Iíve pondered this question many times for myself and those that I help on the support group. So I came up with a couple things that are needed to successfully stop self injuring.

First there is the issues of wanting to stop or needing to stop. Some people want to stop self injuring themselves because they know itís unhealthy and they are ready to try healthy. Other people may not want to stop self injuring, but they know they need to. Perhaps because someone close to them has asked them to, or a hospital has asked or therapist. Or they know they are in a downward spiral and canít stop. So they know they need to stop self injuring if they want to get anywhere.

You need to be willing to work. That means youíll actively try various preventative or intervention methods that will aide you in stopping. And you need to do this full on and not half assing it. Somewhere along your journey you found that pain equals security so you turn to it when you feel unsafe, when you hurt and when you feel low. It will take work to first unlearn those premises and to learn something new.

The first work you need to try is learning alternatives to self injury. This site has about sixty five different things to do other than self injury. If for only a couple times you are able to use some of those alternatives, then you are on the right track. A good way to test your readiness or if you wonder if you can actually stop, first feel an urge come on and see if you can choose to do something else. After you know you can do that, you can work from there, building up the alternatives and building up not hurting yourself, but building up to something healthy.

Next, if you are able, you need to go see a psychiatrist and a counselor. Go see the psychiatrist to see if you have a diagnosable disorder and get on medication (if you need it) and see a counselor to find out what drove you to cutting in the first place. Cutting is not a disorder by itself, merely a coping mechanisms for something else. If you conquer the pain behind the cutting, you conquer cutting itself.

Thus, you also need to be able to face the reasons that drove you to cutting. This can be especially painful. I know because I had to face my abusive past and honestly that took a couple years for me. Iím pretty stubborn. Something drove you to cutting and to have pain equal safety. Itís time to find out what.

Finally there is untwisting your negative thoughts. Click on this link: Cognitive Distortions. Here you will learn about the negative thoughts that keep us imprisoned in our own minds. Not only does pain drive us, but a constant barrage of negative thoughts keeps up cutting up our bodies. For example, we use words like always, never, everything and nothing. I could say that I tried everything to get better and nothingís worked. Well, I havenít really tried everything because I havenít been on every single medication. Thatís a negative thought. Instead, I should say, Well, Iíve tried a lot of treatments and they havenít worked, maybe I need to search for something I havenít tried. Now that is a rational, healthy statement. The other part of that sentence, and nothingís worked, is also irrational. I ought to say something more like, they havenít worked like I wanted them too, I wonder what is going on so that these treatments donít work. Or, they have worked a little, but not enough to get better. Do you see the differences between the two statements? A lot of people havenít understood their dark thoughts and how they can change them. Now you know you can. Youíll be hard pressed to want to cut yourself when you are thinking rationally.

So those are just a few things:

1. Want or need to stop

2. Willing to work hard to get better

3. Able to use alternatives to cutting

4. Go see a psychiatrist and counselor

5. Face the reasons that drove you to cutting

6. Untwist your negative thinking


This is by no means an exhaustive list, but merely a list to get you started. If you want to know more about these things, come to the support group, Second Chances. While self injury brings us together, we deal more with the pain behind self injury and also untwisting negative thoughts.

I wish you much luck in your healing and please PM me if you want more information on Second Chances.





Edited by kellygtx (09/26/07 02:19 PM)
_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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#182534 - 09/26/07 05:03 PM Re: self cutting [Re: caointeoir]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
Coop,
you already know the answer to this. it's following thru with it that is causing the anxiety. of course she's worried, she loves you and can recognize you are in pain. she wants to know why and what triggered this. tell her coop. Worse case senerio, nothing and you're right where you are now. Best case senerio, it will lift this burden from your heart, even if it's just for now.
I am here.
(((COOP)))
M:)

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

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#182539 - 09/26/07 05:38 PM Re: self cutting [Re: mmac]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
Tell her what ,she already knows i "cut" but i am not sure i can tell her i did it again unless she asks and i don't answer usually i get quiet and then she knows already....who knows i guess she'll know soone enough either by me or other way....i'm not going to keep debating this ..it';s getting fuckin old fast....stopping is not an option right now....it's only a matter of time before i regret it therefore do something stupid ultimately i will wish i didn't

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#182541 - 09/26/07 05:51 PM Re: self cutting [Re: thecoopstah]
mmac Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/21/07
Posts: 107
Loc: PA
Not debating. your deal. just when you know the end result and you can try to prevent it wouldn't you??
I care anyway. and I am here if you want to talk.
not about the cutting, its about the talking and the trigger

M:)

_________________________
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

I cannot take your steps, but I can walk beside you, if you'll let me.

Top
#182543 - 09/26/07 05:56 PM Re: self cutting [Re: mmac]
kellygtx Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
Coop -

Like M I am not debating how you feel now - but you do have an option. It may not seem that way, but you do have an option. I am here too if you want to talk.

Much love and understaning your way

_________________________
I bid you Peace.

Kelly

The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

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